These are reports of our past runs (but we don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story).
Hares: IOC#0069 & Tasty Topple
Pack: Cooter Snoozer, Two Minute Ride, Stunt Cock, Semen After Ass, Titney Spewston (Eager 4 Beaver), Rimjob Ringleader the Greatest Hoe on Earth (Miami/Transplant), Granny Groper, Celine Ding Dong, Anticock, cockmonkey, Emergency Medical Tits, Dead Swedes, Just Mary Jo, Orgasm Banshee & Private Pooper the dog (sure hope I got that right last time, since I didn’t change it for this one)
Date: Monday, July 10, 2017. 6pm.
Last time these two hares got laid laid a trail, it was a shitshow. Well, let’s be honest, it started out well, and then there was the forest debacle and they got lost and so did everyone else and what was supposed to be a mildly shiggy trail ended up being some major bushwacking (and not the kind with a razor blade and lady bits, for sure). Needless to say, they set the bar low for this trail.
We met up at HCC, and after some introductions and marveling at the size of the pack (yeah, sometimes size does matter, and this one was big. Like write home and tell, well, not your mom, but someone how big it was). So there were many comments about size and volume to be heard around the opening circle. And then the hares left, and I have no idea what was said after that. Perhaps more comments about the size of the pack, perhaps more about the adorable asses possessed by the hares. Equally likely topics, IMO.
Anyway, the hares went off (sadly, they didn’t get off. Well, at least not then. Maybe later by I’ll never tell, I’m not that kind of girl). There were a few YBF’s and false trails to be found, and it is my understanding that they all were found. Score one for the hares. We found our way back behind the school into the woods and trails there. There was apparently a large porcupine on trail, but sadly the hares did not know he (or she) would be there, so we didn’t incorporate them into the trail.
The first beer check was laid and the hares ran off to await the pack at the shot check. There were a bunch of rusted vehicles way up in the woods, and the original idea was to serve Rusty Nails at that location. The drink, dodo, not actual rusty nails – that would be gross. Also, we’d prefer not to have anyone come down with Tetanus on our trail. Apparently, Bartender #0069 tried the recipe for Rusty Nails and decided it was too gross even for hashers. It didn’t meet the low standards we set for ourselves, which is saying something. So instead of Rusty Nails, it was some type of deceptively smooth Jungle Juice on tap, which was way stronger than it tasted.
The hares waited too long to leave here, and we’re also convinced that a reasonable cranium start was not given. Also, we’re slow. We weren’t quick enough (or smart enough) to put an extra check or two that would have allowed us to scamper off unsnared. And so, sadly, the hares were snared. By 2MR. Sigh.
We made it eventually to the second beer check, and after getting smarter and putting a boob check in at the last minute when there were only boys getting close, made it to the end of trail without getting snared again.
Sadly, closing circle was almost dry, because we did not have enough beer for the size of the pack. There was much sharing of beverages, and some folks had water instead of anything delicious. (Did I mention how big the pack was? It was YUGE. Seriously yuge. And it was the best pack. We had the best pack that night. The press wouldn’t tell you that, they’ll just lie to you about it. But it was yuge. And the best.)
Best part of the trail for the hares is that we didn’t get lost. We were (and we remain) inordinately proud of that accomplishment. Worst part of the trail was we ran out of beer. I’m sure there’s a punishment for that somewhere, but maybe it was balanced out by the fact that we didn’t get lost?
Everyone had to go separate ways, so there was no on-after to be had. We did indeed have fun, and you totally should have been there.
PS. Did I mention the size of the pack? Bigly. So bigly.