Hash Trash from 2005

Happy Valley 111th

I first met Cainus not long after my wife & I split up. I had just gotten over a serious hangover that I won’t bother to talk about, except that it had something to do with the miserably weary split – up and sheep dip and my feeling that everything was dead. With the cumming of Cainus Lickus began the part of my life you could call Hashing or my life on the road. Before that I’d often dream of going west to see other hashs and see the country, always vaguely planning and never taking off. Cainus is the perfect hasher for the road because he was actually born at a hash, when his parents were passing thru Salt Lake City in 1926, in a jalopy, on their way to a hash in Los Angeles. First reports of him came to me thru Hand Job?, who’d shown me some letters from him written in a New Mexico reform school. I was tremendously interested in the letters because they so naively and sweetly asked Hand Job? to teach him about Nietzsche and all the wonderful intellectual things that Hand Job? knew. At one point Just Mike and I talked about the letters and wondered if we would ever meet the strange Cainus Lickus. This is all far back, when Cainus was not the way he is today, when he was a young jailkid shrouded in mystery. Then news came that Cainus was out of reform school and was cumming to the Happy Valley for the first time; also there was talk that he had just married a girl called Comes On Vacation.

Part 1
On The Hash
That’s A Fact Jack Kerowhacked

AKA Happy Valley’s 111th

Hare: Cainus Lickus
Start: The Harp in North Amherst, Mass. ( Where else!!! )
Start Time: 1400HRs, Sunday, January 9th, 2005

The Happy Valley Hounds:
Anti-Cock, Comes On Vacation, Hand Job?, NFN Mike ( 2nd hash ), NFN LIsa ( 2nd hash )

Happy Valley Virgins:
Just Maxine, a Wisconsin transplant now in NoHo, Just Mike from Easthampton, Just Lisa from Belchertown.

From the Boston H3: Friar F#ck & Shitty Trail
From the Hartford H3: Follow My Tits, Garfield, and High Bush

Kidnapped on Trail:
Just Beth & her dog Bogey

Latecummer: Dewey Do Me! and State Senator Stan Rosenberg

Sunday at 1400HRs was kinda cheery but chilly. A fresh four or so inches of powder lay about the fields and meadows while the assfault was covered in a tawdry slush. The pack assembled inside the Harp and potent potables were consumed with the usual flourish. But On On was soon to be heard and off danced the pack to the Circle without the slightest trepidation or fear, because we knew – it all involved beer.

Marks were explained and introductions were made. Father Birmingham still loves alter boys and with the stretching and kavetching over, the hare axed for an “Honest Ten Minute Cranium Start” whatever that is? But luckily for the hare Friar F#ck called to say he’d missed a turn and was in Hadley or something. Then a little while later, Friar called to say he was in Deerfield. ( When I used to play with artilley we’d to call that “bracketing” ) any who, Friar was a little late to the start but that gave Cainus his cranium start.

Trail proceeded up Cowls Lane to Rte 63 where it made a right turn to the south then an easterly turn into Mill Brook Park. Trail then went through the park into the trail network over some snow covered bridges and streams. This is where we accosted Just Beth and her dog Bogey. Beth seemed intrigued by the whole notion of dog friendly running/beer drinking so she joined us after a minimum of arm twisting. In small groups and pairs we followed trail up to Puffers Pond. Puffers Pond was totally iced over and covered in snow and looked quite picturesque and serene, except for people shouting, “RU?” and stuff. Anyway, that’s where the beercheck was and consume tasty brews is what we did. Unfortunately? The hare didn’t expect the large turnout and there where precious too few beers for the pack. But like I mentioned the choices were very good and they were for the most part 16 ouncers.

Trail meandered back to the harp for the closing festivities and the On In.

At the closing circle we learned some neat things about our virgins!

Just Maxine is originally from Wisconsin, and she’s a Packers fan ( and yes, she got to watch the Vikings pick apart her team during the On In.) She mentioned that, ” In Wisconsin we milk our cows – we don’t put them in charge of the road departments.” Possible future names might include: Got Milk? , Milch Cow, etc. The possibilities just blow my mind. We also learned that her daughter is a Carolina Hash Trash. Her daughter made her cum.

Just Mike has a cow as a favorite barnyard animal and wasn’t sure if he liked longhorns versus no horns. He also made himself cum.

Just Lisa Her favorite barnyard animal is a sheep. (We can fix her up on that one.) Lisa also mentioned that if she were a superhero her name would be: “the Urinator”, we all responded that that just “Depends.” Oh, and I made Lisa cum.

Accusations for the Hare were: Not enough snow on trail, not enough new people 🙂

Too much hash, not enough hash – But the one that kept him in posession of the hash Shit was, not enough beer at the beercheck. He quickly backpedaled and let fly an accusation that I had shortcutted but that accusation died in filibuster as the senate convened a hearty round of yeas for him to keep the hashshit.

So, then we sang some hash tunes and managed to screw up just about everyone of them. We must be outta practice because its winter. So we ambled inside, drank pitchers of Guiness and watched football, co-mingled, and tried hard not to mess up the meeting of the Amherst Democrats and Senator Rosenberg in the back room.

Stuff Left at the On In:
A blue with white stripe Addidas running jacket
A pair of blue gloves that say Pearlizumi on them
A black and gray wool scarf

Next Hash:
HVH3 112th1400HRs – Sunday, February 13th, 2005.
Hare: Anti-Cock
Theme: Valentines Day

Faithfully Submitted,
HVH3 Scribe

We discussed going on an abbreviated schedule of hashs for the winter months and it seems to be working with some great turnouts lately. I don’t know when we want to switch back over to the every two weeks schedule but Hand Job would like to do the next hash after the 112th ( so that would be the 113th ) It would be nice if some of the newer Happy Valley hashers try their hand at haring., you can always get a veteran to co-hare your first time.

Happy Trails!

Robbie Burns Hash in Boston in a couple of weeks. The Burlington Penguin Plunge is in February and somebody mentioned the Halve Minds are up to something wacky soon too? Something like outhouse races on Lake George?

Hash Trash, HVH3 No.112 or is that ol’ No. 7?

HVH3 Hash No. 112 or “You Don’t Know Jack”
Saturday, February 5th, 2005. 1400 HRs or so.

Starting Place: Start Circle on the snow covered front lawn of Chateau Anti-Cock. The weather was a balmy almost 50 degrees or maybe a little higher. The large pack assembled to hear all about the wonderfully confusing hash signs that the Pack might see on trail.

SC- Which unbeknownst to the pack would not mean beer check but Schnapp Check and lots of other interesting marks were explained.

The Hare: Anti-Cock

The Pack: Dewey Do Me!, Cainus Lickus, Comes On Vacation, Yeasty Boy (Who ran trail in a black kilt), Yeast Injector, Spred’um, Just Lisa No.1, Just Lisa No.2, Just Mike, Hand Job?, Mr. Hankey, Colonel Mustard, and Hash hounds: Ellie May, Scruffy and Zuni.

Virgins: Sarah, Knute.

Visitors: Friar F#*K and Shitty Trail from the Boston H3

Latecummers or as Spred’um suggests” Pimps” – Just Maxine, Virgin Mike.

( For those who are still math challenged because of the On In there were 16 hashers on trail and two more at the On In.)

[ Flutter, Drippy, and BMP – Believe it or not the hash is growing again! )

We carpooled over to the actual SP at 1500HRs. The actual SP was the top of the hill next to the Ranger Station at Wendell State Forest. Sleds were provided and many of the pack brought one. The Hare asked for a 15 minute cranium start and was verbally abused down to a ten minute cranium start.

At this point you’re getting my version as the Hare, so if anybody wants, please do an addendum as a member of the pack. Some of this info about the trail was gleaned from the tales told at the On In.

I ran off to lay the last third of the trail. The pack then sledded down a long hill towards Ruggles Pond and the first of a few checks. True trail ran up the corresponding hill and northwesterly towards Jerusalem Cliffs, which in the past has seen it’s share of beerchecks. There were some ups and downs on trail so the sleds came in handy. ( Came in handy? Was it all sticky you ask?)

Trail eventually led to the forementioned “SC” which stood for Peach Schnapp check. Now there was also a back check 13 at the SC, but for some reason the FRB Cainus Lickus must have forgotten that part of the instructions were to wait at the SC for the entire pack, but he didn’t so he started to back check and turned the whole pack around. Luckily, Dewey Do Me! was sweeping trail and turned the pack back around and then the pack proceeded to annihilate 1 1/2 big bottles of Peach Schnapps.

So trail came back 13 hash marks to a bridge over the outlet stream from Ruggles Pond and up a slippery slope to the second check, which in this case was a “BBBN” sign. ( Black Berry Brandy Near) [ It was a whole new code of hash marks] Here the Hare greeted all the hashers with a roaring bonfire, Blackberry Brandy, delicious brews and Mardi Gras beads. Thanks to all the Harriettes who reminded me about the proper way to receive Mardi Gras Beads 🙂

We sang some hash hymns and as the fire turned to embers and the sky started to turn crimson and orange, we traversed the last 1/3 of a mile of trail ( thru the Buffett III site) back to the vehicles and back to the farm for the On In.

At the On In we met up with latecummers Just Maxine and Virgin Mike.

The Circle was fun in that it started on the deck with copius amounts of chips, Haverhill’s own delicious Lager provided by Yeasty Boy and ( surprise, surprise) some Green Label Jack Daniels. Hence, we did introductions, but “You Don’t Know Jack”

Accusations for the hashshit were: “Give it to the Hare because he was late for his own trail.”

“Let Cainus Lickus keep it again because he led the pack away from the Schnapp Check”

Cainus got to keep the Hashshit.

Virgins Knute ( “She turned you into a Knute?” His reply – “I got bettah” ) & Virgin Sarah came to the middle of the circle for a down down and such. Just Lisa made Virgin Knute Cum and Spred’em made Virgin Sarah cum. I forget what kinda happened next, cause of all the schnapps, good beer and Jack.

I know we sang some songs, did lots of down downs and drained the keg and Jack Daniels pretty quickly. I know we did religion then we all went inside for piles of homemade strombolis and munchies, baked ziti and such.

At some point Cainus Lickus got on top of the kitchen counter and in a Jethro Tull ‘esque manner began a cheering section for the Patriots in Stupor Bowl XXXIX. That somehow morphed into a Radd Suxx rant which drew a prompt mooning from me and a double barreled Garden State Parkway salute.

Then at some point alot of us jumped in the hot tub and barely upheld the “No whiskey in the HotTub” rule. Just Mike wondered if it would be okay if the whiskey stayed on the lip of the hot tub.

Overall it was a nice hash and I heard from a few of you that you liked the trail. Thanks, it was fun.

HVH3 Scribe

Next Hash will be sometime in March. Spread’em will be the hare.

HVH3 113

Happy Valley Hash No. 113
“The Charlie Foxtrot Hash”

Sunday, March 6, 2005

The Happy Valley Kennel had to Hash this past Sunday! The pre-ordained Hare had cum up with an unbelievable tale of woe and snarled communication. This left the kennel no choice but to brave the wilds of downtown Northampton for a “Return of the Pick-Up Hash”

The Pack:
Anti-Cock, Cajonas, Colonel Mustard, Comes On Vacation, Dewey Do Me! Hand Job? And Yeasty Boy.

Follow My Tits – Hartford H3

Visitor & Virgin:
NFN Bob from Minneapolis but now in Hartford.

We all met at 1400HRs at the Starbucks on Main Street in Northampton. Procedures for a pick up hash were explained, then everyone was given a penny. Last hasher to toss a “Tail” would be hare. The field narrowed down quickly to Dewey, Yeasty, and FMT. FMT was next out leaving two potential virgin hares to toss it out. Dewey, with trembling fingers, tossed a “Head” Then Yeasty tossed the winning tail. He made some comment about being a fugitive from the laws of Probability or something then begged for a ten minute cranium start. He was anointed with the flour and chalk and was off.

The pack stood by while a nasty little snow squall enveloped us rather quickly. We sang some songs and did introductions and explained hash marks to Virgin Bob.

Trail proceeded west on Main Street and then did a right turn onto the labyrinth of streets that lie behind Main Street. Hash marks quickly were covered by the blowing snow from the squall. The marks were discernable though. The waskully wabbitt managed to successfully cross his own trail without losing too many hashers.

Eventually, as all good trails must, we followed the marks to a Brewery. In this case it was the Northampton Brewery. We had some down downs and after awhile Dewey and FMT showed up. Somehow they never lost trail, but managed to cum in about ten minutes after everyone else. ( They had been FRBs but I never saw myself pass them? )

The Hare hadn’t yet been snagged so he was off again and laid trail to the Roundhouse parking lot behind the Academy of Music. He had a pre -stashed cache of beer in Growlers there and that was also where the down down beers were located. Cajonas had been FRB to the circle but was nowhere to be found for a little while. Turns out he had scored some trail porn from Hobos living under an overpass. Surprisingly he didn’t recruit them for the hash.

As we began the circle Col. Mustard decided to go for a spin in his Hash Wagon. Dewey snared him before he rolled out of the parking lot.

The usual antics were faithfully followed and the hare, virgin, backsliders, and visitors all did down downs. We learned a little bit about Virgin Bob. If on that magic bus ride he would “Get Off” His favorite sexual position is doggy style with an inflatable sheep. His favorite barnyard animal is a goat, but wasn’t sure if he preferred Nubians or Alpines. He’s quite a mathematical fellow and knew that the square root of 69 is about “Ate point one three” The Harriettes were impressed that he knew it was “ate something.” Turns out that he also has spent some time in Subs, but luckily for him the name “Packed Fullah Semen” has already been lavished on “Packie”

Circle continued for awhile, spring cobwebs were dusted off for some more songs and then it was time for Hash religion.

The On In was held in the old back room of Packard’s.

Faithfully Submitted,
Da Scribe, Anti-Cock

Next Hash:
Saturday, March 26th
Belchertown Common
Hare: I believe is COV or Spred ‘um or both.

Happy Valley #114

Happy Valley #114
March 26th, 2005
Belchertown, Mass.

Hare: Comes On Vacation

Happy Valley Hashers: Anti-Cock, Cainus Lickus, Spred’em, Yeasty Boy, and Yeast Injecter.

Virgin: Hussein

Halve Meins: Peace o’ Chum, The Hasher Formerly Known As Don, a.k.a.”Pig F#cker”, Willie Wanker, and La La the Hostage Hound.

Hardfarts: Super Chicken

Worcester: Blackhole, Cums Halfway, Minute Dick.

Virgins: Just Jonathan, Just Nate, Just Shuhui

The pack assembled a little before 1400Hrs on the outside deck of McCarthy’s Irish Pub at the north end of Belchertown Common to bask in the warm sun and luxuriate in the cool Guiness on draught. At about 1400HRs we ambled south to the parking lot just beyond the quintessential New England Common G.A.R. statue and Gazebo.

We circled up and did introductions. After explaining todays hash marks to the virgins and to the rest of the pack; the hare axed for a ten minute cranium start. Away she ran but was soon back to pick up flour and chalk, and away she ran again. Cainus Lickus led the pack in a raucous rendition of Father Abraham which drew some curious stares from the Zombies exiting the strategically located liqour store a few feet away.

The pack began hashing at about 1440HRs. We followed trail north easterly behind the church and then swung counter clockwise around the north end of the common. Trail proceeded north on Rte 202 for about two blocks before it turned left and headed west. Trail then went across a slightly snow covered orchard that was clearly marked “No Trespassing”, not really having any long tresses we proceeded across the fields and onto some assfault that led southwesterly and across some train tracks. Once across the tracks, trail led onto the grounds of the abandoned Belchertown State Mental Hospital. Shouts of “Beer Here” by the FRBs guided those towards the rear there.

I forgot to mention that as well as chalk and flour, trail was marked by those little Easter eggs of chocolate wrapped in foil. At the Beer check were cans of Rolling Rock and Budweiser and lots of those little chocolate easter eggs. Soon enough, On On was called and away the FRBs went.

Trail led North westerly out towards the farm fields that used to be used by the hospital. However, some FRBs blundered past trail marks and somehow found the prelaid “In Trail” and followed that instead of the “True Trail”. Some hashers heard the pack calling and came back to true trail but Yeasty Boy, Yeast Injecter, and Just Jonathan ran trail in reverse.

Trail ran west thru some big fields along assfault, and then led south on what was to become a long back check designed to punish the FRBs. Trail then swung west and north to the second beercheck located at a softball field near the railroad tracks. The three who ran trail in reverse found the BN sign but could not locate the beer. It was located about 8 feet from the BN in a white plastic bag in a small pile of snow. It was so obvious, it was invisible.[ I went by it about 4 times, looked right at the spot and didn’t detect it either]

After awhile, On On was again called and the pack took the trail that Yeasty Boy, Yeast Injector and Just Jonathan had taken in. Peace o’ Chum, La La, and myself swept trail by taking the assfault back, but somehow, Yeasty Boy, Comes Halfway, Just Shuhui, Willie Wanker, and Minute Dick missed trail somewhere. I never did hear exactly what caused the Charlie Foxtrot but it sounded something like a local civilian mixed them up by giving them false information. Cums Halfway and Just Shuhui ended up at the Stop & Shop on Rte 9 and then circled back a long way to the End Point.

The end of the trail was at the church just off the common. Eventually all the missing hashers turned up.

First in the circle was the hare. Trail was given an overall rating of 6.9. Comments included: Not enough virgins, not enough mud, not enough chocolate, and shitty trail. In honor of her accomplishments the pack sang her the “Ess Ach Eye, Tee Tee Why? Tee Are Aye Eye El” song.

Next order of business was Virgins in the circle. Just Shuhui was made to cum by Toby, eraah, Cums Halfway, which once said got him in the circle for a down down. JustJonathan was also made to cum by Cums Halfway. Just Nate was made to cum by Blackhole. Just Hussein was made to cum by “Spread Legs” which drew a chuckle from the pack but was an honest “oops”. One of the virgins had a hat in circle but I don’t think was made to pay for that indiscretion. The virgins were sung that song that goes something like this, ” Heres to the Virgins they’re true blue, they are Hashers thru and thru, they’re PissPots so they say…”

Next up were visitors. Song sung was, “Publicly Pissed On”.

Violaters were: NFN Hussein – Using technology on trail to record running times. Also three hashers for wearing the same Buffett III shirt, Blackhole, Cums Halfway and Anti-Cock.

The hashit nominations were: Cainus Lickus nominated Comes On Vacation for such a shitty trail. Yeasty Boy nominated Anti-Cock for some trumped up charge. After multiple rounds of fixed voting, I was awarded the hashshit. The pack sang some songs I forgot to record and CL and I both did hashshit down downs to properly cleanse the vessel.

After hash religion and hash announcements the pack retired to McCarthys for refreshments and such.

Hash announcements: The HVH3 is probably changing the date of Buffett IV to July 8, 9, 10. It’ll depend on availability of the site.

The Halve Minds are holding NURD ’05 on May 13, 14, 15.

Next HVH3 hash will be in April Date TBA. hare will be Spread’em.

Thanks to all who participated in this hash and to all the visitors. It was really nice to see all the Worcester Hashers again as well as Super Chicken and the Halve Meins. Virgins, we hope to see you again soon!

HVH3 Scribe,

ps Happy Easter!

HVH3 #115 Spread^em’s Virgin Lay

HVH3 No. 115
“Spred^em’s Virgin Lay”
Belchertown, Mass.
April 24th, 2005

The Hare: Spred^em

The Pack: Just Hossein ( “Just a Ho?”), Dewey Do Me!, Just Jen,Cainus Lickus, Comes On Vacation,Yeasty Boy, Yeast Injector.

Visitors: Swallow My Tits, oops, I mean, Follow My Tits, Super Chicken – all of the Hartfarts.

Late Cummers, but who did do trail: Havelak, and Virgin Francis.

The pack assembled at the annointed hour at Villa Spred^em on Old Amherst Road in Belchertown. Some of us had stopped at the Spirit Haus to get some pre-lube beers which we did at Spred^em’s along with some of Yeasty Boy’s potions.

It had been pouring for the better part of a day or two but for Spred^em’s virgin lay the clouds parted and the sun shone through. This was to be a Dead Hare trail and she assured us that the trail was still visible.

The Hare advised everyone to make sure their sneakers were tied tight because of sneaker sucking mud on trail. After explaining the trail marks and introducing a new hash mark, a circled “Bx” which meant, “Butt Crossing” the hare pointed the pack towards the end of the driveway and said, “Away with you wankers” or something like that.( This was at about 1430HRs ) A couple of people decided to do a walkers trail, but the rest of the pack went on down the assfault in search of hashmarks.

Trail proceeded down the street, and involved a couple of checks, but true trail soon went into some woods, under a powerline and then thru some shiggy to a road crossing near a stream. The pack was met at this point by the walkers and we all proceeded along the streambed, catching some good sneaker sucking, grey oozing mud. ( I sank in up to me knees at one point.)

Trail soon led to a dilapidated Mill Dam, where somebody discovered the hash hounds rolling around with the severed head of a young sheep. But there was also a “BH” sign which led to beercheck No.1 beside the waterfall created by the busted dam. Just Jen was missing in action, so the Hare went looking for her, but returned empty handed.

After the beercheck the pack followed the stream a short way to the Bx crossing which was a butt slide across some felled hemlock trees. While some people did that, myself, Superchicken and Just Hossein decided to splash them liberally. Yeasty Boy caught most of the airborne Tsunami. Trail then climbed a slippery, muddy slope up and out of the ravine by the stream. But the trail, as it would quite a few more times, crisscrossed the stream and the ravine.

At some point the trail ran alongside some rusty old barbed wire that was located at the rim of the ravine. I spotted COV at the top of a downward loop of fence, so I crawled under the wire to bypass the up and down trail around the wire. I made it thru the first set of wires okay, but got snagged on the second set. I was stuck good, until Dewey Do Me! pried the wire out of my back. It had ripped my shirt and my back. I ended up with a slice about 8″ long across my back.(Blood on Trail) Some how the rest of the pack kept on going without marking trail and we at the back got separated from them.

Trail went down into the ravine again, but then we lost trail marks for about 1/2 an hour. We checked up, downstream, diagonally etc. Eventually we found trail marks again but checks weren’t clearly marked nor were trail intersections. I did see one false marked. Not helping matters was a guy ridning up and down the trail on an ATV with a small pack of dogs. The ATV probably ground some chalk into the wet ground and obliberated some trail marks.

Eventually we picked up trail again and found the second beercheck. The BH was clearly marked, but we found NO BEER at the BC. We cursed the wabbit and then went up and down a sandy, buggy trail all the way back to the SP.

[ This is probably a good point to mention that nobody knew that Virgin Francis and Havelak had started trail at about 1500 Hrs. They hit both beer checks and found NO BEER ]

Back at the start, we circled up.

The On In was at The Hanger.

Next Hash will be hared by Yeast Injector. Date and Location TBA

Upcumming Events:
Albany NURD, May 14, 15
Buffett IV June 11, 12

Hash No. 118

The Happy Valley Hashers moved a little further north than we normally do and were treated to Yeast Injector’s first haring in Warwick, Mass. about five miles south of the nearest New Hampshire liqour store. Think Green Label JD.

Start: The Warwick State Forest parking lot off Route 78 in Warwick, Mass.

The Hare: Yeast Injector

The Hounds: Anti-Cock, Cainus Lickus, Comes On Vacation, Yeasty Boy. & The hash kennel consisting of Zuni and Scruffy.

We pre-lubed with some delightful Carlings Black Label in cans at a lean-to just over a knoll from the parking lot in a big field below the base of Mount Grace. The weather was nice following a sunny day, but temps were dropping as the sun faded over the Mountain. The trail marks were explained by the Hare and we were reminded that BC can have two meanings, Beer Check & Back Check.

The Hare would sweep trail. The pack took off downhill towards the NH border, but I being a bit more familiar with Mount Grace decided to “zen the trail.” Apparently the pack followed trail marks downward from about 1000′ feet of elevation to about 600′ feet of elevation in about the distance of 1/2 a mile. Once there they found a “hash flour malfunction” but were able to decipher a “back check 8”

– meanwhile I just went uphill from the field and almost immediately found true trail meandering up a main access trail and then off onto another upward trail, climbing steadily upwards. I marked where I was sure trail went and soon enough the trail sweeping hare caught up to me and within a minute or so we came to beer check number one.Halleluyah!

About ten minutes later we heard the pack cumming up the trail network and we called “Beer Here!”

We drank some more beers and then kept climbing the trail. Cainus, Comes nad Yeasty Boy soon outpaced me and the Hare as trail just kepy crossing those nasty things called “Contour Lines” all directions being upwards. It was about this time that the hare receieved a cell phone call informing him that his son had possibly broken his leg at school at a sports event or getting off the bus from a sports event. This put a damper on the exuberance of his laying a damn fine trail.

We continued to climb and eventually made it to the summit of Mount Grace in time to catch a beautiful sunset from atop the 200 foot fire tower. ( Mount Grace is something like 1600 feet tall, so the view from the fire tower was spectacular) This by the way was beer check two. We could see Mount Tom, Mount Wachusetts, Mount Greylock and Mount Monadnock.

We ambled on down the mountain and then did the usual hash rituals in the parking lot.

We were all beat and the Hare had to go to Athol Memorial Hospital so we opted to pass on a On After.

Upcumming Events:

Not so much an event, but Spred^em is taking a summer long sabbatical from the HV, so Have a good summer in the DC area. Watch out for some of our good friends down there, some of whom are Pittsboig transplants.

Mammorial Day Hash for Flutters Return, sunday of Mammorial Day in Wendell.

Buffett IV June 10, 11

Anti-Cock’s haring a hash in Springfield, NJ June 18 for a guest shot with the Summit H3

Ithaca Weekend, which is something like June 26, 27th?

Our next regular thursday nighter is the thursday night before Buffet.

Burlington Invihashional is like the thrird week in July I Think. Check their website or the NE hash calendar.

Happy Trails!

Happy Valley No. 120 or so | Flutter’s Welcum Home Hash


Ouch, Oh the Depravity!



Where to begin or end this one? That is the question. Usual hash trash format I suppose.


( First of all that’s not me in Puffy’s fotos; that’s my evil twin Jack…)



Happy Valley No. 120 or so.



Place: The Big Dark Scary Woods of Wendell, Mass.
Sunday, May 29th, 2005


Hare: Dewey Do Me! ( Her virgin lay)



The Pack:



Happy Valley: Cainus Lickus, Comes On Vacation, Anti-Cock, Madame Flutterby, Yeasty Boy, Just Jen, Yeast Injector, Just Donna, Cajonas, & Wet Spot ( A Wonson, Korea H3 transplant.)


From The Boston H3: Cums Alone, Cock Climber, Puff ‘N Stuff, Nipples Erectus, Drippy Spigot, Muffalotta.
From The Hartford H3: Garfield, High Bush
From The Halve Mein H3: Peace O Chum
From The Westchester H3: Tubslut



Late Cummer: Just Mike No.3 – Happy Valley H3



The festivities actually started with a saturday night pre-lube, lots of people opting to camp over at the farm. Jack Daniels crashed the party early and stayed long enuf to get everybody trashed playing Jenga with shots. When we ran out of single barrel Jack, Puffy and Chum made a huge batch of fruity jello shots. Things for the rest of saturday night get kinda fuzzy…



Sunday morning Flutter and I made a NH Jack Daniels run only to discover a place in Gill had it.



Most hashers arrived by 1500 HRS, which wasn’t so bad considering HST was supposed to be 1400HRS. At least the rain clouds parted and brilliant sunshine greeted us for the trail.



The introductions circle was marred by the return of Jack, who somebody or other mentioned is a Happy Valley tradition. The bottle of Black Label Jack made it around the circle one and a half times before Jack made his exit.



Something funny that happened in the circle was that Cajonas’ girlfriend was here for her first Happy Valley hash. I didn’t catch if Cajonas thought she’d never hashed before, or if he was just flat out surprised when she announced that she already had a hash name and was a veteran Korea Hasher.



The hare asked for a ten minute cranium start and I guess because of the effects of Jack I never saw her leave. We started right into Father Birmingham and then slid right into Joe, Who Works at the Button Factory. At about this time the Jack Attack gave everybody a full body slam. Then it was “Pack Away!” Trail went north on some assfault to a check that almost the entire pack missed. It took about ten minutes, but everybody followed true trail west into the woods alongside an old sheep pasture. I was sweeping trail so from here on its that perspective that you get.



Trail at the beginning had about 15 checks in the first half mile, which was also dense shiggy. This resulted in the pack staying together, which was a good thing because alot of people were really trashed. True trail jogged south alongside an old cow pasture then thru some shiggy onto an old logging trail. Trail then proceeded past a porcupine den, alongside a stream to the first booze check. ( The pack kinda lost trail and found the “out trail” but by sweeping it got turned around all right). The Booze check turned out to be a gallon of Blackberry brandy and some waters. Somebody suggested that the FRBs couldn’t leave until the brandy was kicked. So, it was.



I started to cross a stream below a huge beaver dam when I happened to look over my shoulder to see if people were following me. I turned in time to see Just Jen take a face first dive into the stream. Puffy appeared to be walking in circles talking to himself or the trees. Just Donna was speaking gibberish, and it occured to me that this would be an interesting trail. Luckily, Wetspot, Nipples Erectus and Drippy Spigot were still sober enough ( barely enough, but enough) to guide those afflicted hashers back to the SP. I took off on a zen trail to where the next beer check should’ve been. I figured I’d have time to catch the FRBs because I knew Dewey had laid a deceptive back check somewhere along the trail.



By the time I reached the Bullard Farm Road ( abandoned road) I ran into ( I think) Garfield and High Bush and some other people who opted to shortcut back to the SP ( I think that happened, I could certainly be wrong on that, I was feeling the effects too.) I actually ran down and up Bullard Farm Rd. to the beer check, but alas! IT WAS GONE!!!! The FRBs had taken the beer with them. After some RUs? and some other choice phrases I caught up to the FRBs and after some beers we decided to back trail out of the woods back to the SP.



We had the closing circle on the deck, I think? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Yeasty Boy twisted his ankle really badly on the trail back to the SP. He was in excruciating pain so we kept administering Genesee Cream Ale in medicinal quantities to him. Coincidentally, Just Jen was horizontal for the entire circle. Just Donna was passed out during the circle but arose later as did Just Jen. For the life of me I can’t remember Jack about the rest of the circle.



OR about the rest of the evening! Things not necessarily in this order: Hot Tub, Cheeseburgers in Paradise, tunes, Sheep Dip, Cognac, Hot Tub, Tub Slut, a Mythical stalker that only Flutter saw, Puffy the Voyeur taking illicit photos, magic markers and Puffy’s Ass, and then,



It was the morning! Breakfast, visitors helping clean up, etc.



Flutter it was a classic Happy Valley welcum home party. You better wear your kevlar undies while yer over there!



Next HVH3 hash will be a Thursday nighter on June 9th, Hare, Place and time TBA.


Burlington is in July and, Buffet IV is in two weeks!




I didn’t write down the number of the last hash, but I think it was No.121

Hares: Comes On Vacation & Just Donna

Hounds: Anti-Cock,Cainus Lickus, Colonel Mustard, Hand Job?, Just Mike #2, Mr. Hankey, Yeasty Boy.

Visitor: Honey Suckle Devine – Dirt Road Hash ( Baltimore )

When: June 23rd, 2005 – 1800Hrs
Where: The parking lot of the Seven O’s in Sunderland on 116.

This hash was to pop Just Donna’s cherry for being a hare. She and COV plotted a trail that combined scenery, two beer checks and those wretched contour line thingys.

In lieu of the usual hash protocols, most of the hounds decided to partake of the bar at the Seven O’s and began libations to pre-lube for the course. Beer is good, what else can I say.

The hares axed for a ten minute cranium start and that they were granted. Trail proceeded up whatever the heck the name of the mountain is behind the 7 O’s. Trail basically wigged and wagged uphill to a scenic outlook to the SW, W, and SE. Here was beer check number one. The outlook overlooked the start on 116. Trail then went backdownhill a ways, around a water tower and then zigged back uphill a distance. Luckily we brought the traveling beercheck with us and had an unofficial third beercheck ( The third beercheck was second)

Somewhere or other there was a second beercheck, but old age or early onset of Alzheimers is getting on this scribe’s mammary. There was a second beercheck wasn’t there?

Trail then ambled on back to the Seven O’s where we proceeded to amuse the bikers and barflies with our time honored antics. Honey Suckle Devine had to do numerous down downs for amongst other things pouring out the remains of the last beer at beercheck number three ( beerstop No. 2)

I got awarded the Hash shit again for some damn reason….

On On.

Next Hash some time next week probably Thursday in the vicinity of the Harp.

HVH3 #122 – Amherst Hash

HVH3 Number 122
Hares: Just Hossein (with some minimal co-haring by Anti-Cock)
[ Hossein’s Virgin Lay]

Place: Start – Chez Hossein, Pulpit Hill Road, Amherst, Mass.
General AO of hash: In and around Puffers Pond environs.
Start Time 1800HRs – 7 JUL 05 (Thursday)

Hashers present for muster:
HVH3: Just Donna, Hand Job?, Colonel Mustard, Comes On Vacation, Cainus Lickus.

Honey Suckle Devine – Hartford H3 nee Dirt Road H3

Just Tyler – Audobon, N.J.
Just Amy – Amherst, Ma
Just Steve – Greenfield, Ma.

Just Lisa
Just Newt
Dewey Do Me!

Trail started at Just Hossein’s chateau on Pulpit Hill Road. Honey Suckle Devine was the first hasher present and he, in a very friendly manner, strolled into Hossein’s kitchen and introduced himself to one of Hossein’s housemates. “Honeysuckle Devine and I damn glad to meet you! Where’s the beeer?” To which Hossein’s housemate was speechless as no one had told him about a hash or hashers….

The pack assembled relatively quickly and darn near the annointed hour. Introductions were made and the virgins were given a chalk talk.

The trail started at the end of the driveway with a check which caused the FRBs to wander aimlessly around awhile searching in all directions for true trail. Cainus Lickus spotted true trail right off the bat, but within a few steps found another check. He followed a false with most of the pack choosing to follow him into some deep dark woods. Delighted to hear some grousing early in the hash the hares waited at the check for the returning pack.

True trail proceeded up Pulpit Hill Road to a false beer check! The hares planted a box of Bud Light about fifteen feet off the trail across some rusty barbed wire. Inside the box was a YBF!
( I thought it was funny – AC )

Trail then went to a check with true trail going thru a thicket of briars and poison ivy and down into a gravel pit / town road crew yard. There were some checks with sort of long falses in there and then trail went up and down some huge piles of gravel and wood shavings before it went up and down some steeep slippery embankments. Trail then crossed over some ass fault to beer check no.1 on the stream above Puffers Pond.

After some time kavetching about shtupping and beerys and such asstrophysical subjects, which normally accompanies beer checks, pack was off in search of beer check no. 2.

Trail went slightly uphill to a “whichyway” with almost the entire pack zenning the correct direction except for Hand Job? who proceeded down a long false. Her comment? ” You Bastards!!!!”

Trail recrossed the assfault and then went around the backside of Puffers Pond and eventually down below the waterfall below the dam to beercheck number two.

Trail then zigged and zagged thru that trail network behind the Mill River Park and eventually down to the Harp ( Mike’s Westview for you old time HVH3’ers)

There we met all of the latecummers and we caravaned back to Hosseins for the Down Down circle.

At The Circle:

The Hares, Just Hossein nad Anti-Cock were sung the ShittyTrail song and then did a Busby Berkeley’esque down down of Genny Cream Ale. Trail was given various ratings but averaged out to a .69 – what more could you ask for?????

Next up were backsliders Just Lisa II, and Just Newt, they were “Publically Pissed On”

Then the virgins: Just Steve’s favorite Barnyard animal is sheep, hmmmm we think he’d like a Wendell hash… he guessed that the square root of 69 was 9 1/2. Just Hossein was a proxy for Just Amy who had to leave to go learn how to drive a Amherst FD hook and ladder truck. We sang “Here’s to the Virgins They’re true blue”

Then it was a big gaggle of the FRB – Cainus, FBI – Just Donna, DFL – Proxy for Col. Mustard, HJ?, Fashion on Trail – Hand Job?, Technology on trail – Anti-Cock, New shoes – Just Steve, changing clothes before circle AGAIN – Honey Suckle Devine, Blood on trail – Just Donna.

All doing down downs and singing, ” Us, Phuck Us…”

Next Ignomius ceremony was the transfer of the hashit. Yes the HVH3 hashit actually returned from exile and was carried thoughout the trail. Nominations were Cainus Lickus for overachievbling again as the FRB and AC for exiling the hashit for so long. It was close butthe eyes were bribed to vote for Cainus. The transfer was begun by a ritualistic cleansing of the vessel down down by AC and a acceptance down down by CL. ( caught on film)

Hash Announcements: Burlington Invihashional in a coupla weeks.

DC Red Dress is limited to 500 people this year so register early and often.

Next HVH3 Hash will be July 21 hared by Cainus Lickus at the Cadwell State Forest in Pelham.

August 4th will be a COV trail.

The next HVH3 trail after that would normally be a thursday nighter, August 18th BUT will actually be a saturday August 20th hash by AC.

Finally, circle was ended with religion and the On In was down at the Harp.

BTW, the Radd Suxx were rained out after six innings and lost 3-1 to the Orioles.

Respectfully Submitted,
HVH3 Scribble

No. 123

No. 123
Pelham Meetinghouse
Hare: C.O.V.

Hounds:JustSteven,Just Donna,Yeasty Boy, Anti-Cock, Hand Job?, Mr. Hankey, Colonel Mustard, Cainus Lickus.

Visitors: Nice Snatch, and Pig Phucker a.k.a. THFKAD

Virgins: Just Pat

After introductions and explanation of the hash marks – the hare asked for a ten minute cranium start.

The pack sang Father Birmingham and drank beer. At the start, trail proceeded down Meetinghouse Lane into woods and streams and such. A water crossing followed, most choosing to climb over a gated bridge. Some pack members crossed over a reservoir and followed trail, some didn’t and one did a bad job zenning trail for beer.(me)

After some zigging and zagging, trail went back out to Meetinghouse Lane. Trail followed the dirt road awhile and then went back into the woods past a neat looking dilapidated barn. Eventually the BN was sighted and beers were consumed alongside and in a nice refreshing waterfall.

Trail recommensed, and FRBs and walkers parted ways and crossed another stream. Eventually meeting up again just short of beercheck number two at a previously passed reservoir. Almost everyone went in for a nice refreshing swim. The water wasn’t too cold, it was actually very nice. A week of 90’s and humidity and that waterhole was alone worth going hashing.

Trail finished back at the start.

On In was at Chez COV/CL. There Just Donna was not named: Comes More Often, Comes When She Wants, Res-Erection Angel, Trysted Sister, Duchess of Tenderloin, Sponge Worthy, or a whole host of names. She was declared “Gag Me With A Res-Erection” (GM-WARE?)

Other accusations and such were declared, Yeatsy Boy the Irish poet wasn’t accused of anything because that’s a misspelling, Yeasty Boy was awarded the hash shit because, just because…

Backsliders were Yeast Injector and the Just Lisas and Just Newt and Just Mikes. And this was the first time in a few hashes we didn’t see Honeysuckle Devine.

Announcements were: Some people were going to Burlington for the BH Invishashional. ( Nice Snatch and Pig Phucker were driving up there right after our hash!)

August 20th a special Happy Valley hash for some visitors and will start at Highland Park in Greenfield at 1400 Hrs on that Saturday. GM-WARE and AC to Co-Hare. On In will be the Peoples Pint.

A couple Happy Valley hashers will be doing the Eerie Hash this saturday, at 1439Hrs out past the Erie Airport.

Next regular Happy Valley Hash is, I think, August 4th, CL to Hare. Can somebody do the scribe duties for that one, I’ll be away.

HVH3 Scribble

Happy Valley No. 125

Okay Wankies,

Here’s the official scribble about Yeasty Boy’s payback Hash or “How the Happy Valley spilled eastward outta the confines of the Happy Valley and drank our way thru Haverhill, Taxxachusetts.”

Happy Valley Number 125.

Co-Hares: Yeasty Boy and Just Jen with an assist from Just Steve.

( A note here about Just Steve and the “Traveling Keg-a-lator.” The traveling keg-a-lator closely resembled a 1982 Mercedes Benz. However on close examination one could not help but notice the tap on the back rear corner of the quarter panel. Said tap dispensed ice cold Tap Brews. Those twicky hares…)

The Pack: Cainus Lickus, Comes On Vacation, Gag Me With A Res-Erection, Anti-Cock

Visitors: IMEZRU?,Puff ‘n Stuff, Drippy Spigot, Nipples Erectus, Sponge Bath Square Pants,Friar F#%k, Cock Climber, Cums Alone – All Boston Wankers.

Mr. Bean, Eakan Bean (Don’t know if I spelled that one right) and two hashers under 4 feet tall whose names I didn’t catch. – All Tidewater Wankers.

I think I’m forgetting somebody or two, so If you’re not listed here make me do a down down or two/three…Oops, and Hash hounds were: Shitty Trail , Zuni, and Scruffy.

Trail started at the Tap Brewery in Haverhill above the beautiful banks of the Merrimac River. It was a brutally hot and humid saturday in the Northeast but luckily starting at a brewery has its own special merits, pint after pint, after, pint. As we early birds awaited the arrival of HST we mosied on into the Tap and sampled our way thru their Beers, Ales, Lagers, Weizens, and Porters. A fine young female Tap Puller gave me and Puffy a flight of samplers which we shared with all the other hashers. The Tap Puller graciously gave us that one on the house. We then sampled some pints. Having warmed up appropriately enough for the trail we returned outside where the effects of leaving air conditioning and 11% alcohol beers took its immediate effect on our half-minds.

This is where we first glimpsed the “traveling Keg-a-lator” disguised as an innocent looking Mercedes Benz. COV RA’ed the introductions and Yeasty Boy slopped some chalk on the ground to explain his hash marks. And then it was away for the hare in the Kilt.

I don’t think we sang anything while we waited, it was 11% alcohol beer ya see, anyway, we waited about ten minutes and the pack was off. It was immediately apparent that where we had been may have been hot and sticky, but at least there was a slight breeze off the river; stinky as it may have been. But once we hit downtown Haverhill and all the assfault and concrete, it was brutally hot! Trail went past some old warehouses and factories, and we hit a couple checks, but then true trail was spotted under some railroad tracks. We soon emerged up on the tracks and later someone told me we crossed a trestle ala Stand By Me, but I don’t remember the trestle, it was 11% alcohol beer ya know…

We left the tracks and slid down the embankment and ran up a street filled with chop shops and pawn shops. Trail went behind an old building, up a small steep slope and lo and behold, there was the Mercedes/Keg-a-lator in the middle of a cemetery. We quaffed some brews and drank some water and I think we sang a hash song or two, I’m not sure though because, did I mention already?, It was like high octane beer.

Before the hare left he explained that there would be a turkey/eagle split as soon as we left the beer check. One would involve a swim and the other wouldn’t. Eagle did, Turkey didn’t. Your scribe opted for the swim as did Cainus Lickus, Puff ‘N Stuff and Drippy Spigot. There was steep slope off the cemetery and down to a very brown, deep stream/ river. Fording the water wasn’t bad we either swam it, or whatever, but getting out it was all deep sucking mud. So the water was refreshing, but you immediately got covered in slimby mud. But that mud was nuthin’ compared to the swampy black mud that Puffy plowed thru after the river. He cautioned the rest of us around it. Then trail led into a field of knee high raspberries and poison ivy. [Special thanks here to the hare. As I sit here and scratch at my legs covered in scratches and poison ivy!!!!!!!!] As we exited the field back onto the train tracks we were greeted by the hare who handed us a Grolsh bottle. I should have known better because the bottle was hot to the touch, but I took a decent sized swig only to discover it was Jack Daniels!

Trail led back up the train tracks, thru some woods, up a slope, and BACK TO THE KEG-A-LATOR! Yea! This wasn’t so bad. We eagles thought “how tricky, now the turkeys will have some long trail and will meet us back here.” But that wasn’t the case. We got an extra beer check on top of the Jack Daniels, but we had to run to catch up to the pack. We never caught up till the next beer check.

Eventually there was another beer check or two, it all kinda blends together, it was 11% beer afterall. We circled up and down downs were had by all. The usual stuff, visitors, DFL, FBI, accusations, that kind of stuff. I got awarded the hashit, but it is missing in action. I suppose somebody will be posting a ransom notice sooner or later.

Then we went back to Yeasty Boy’s and Just Jens for some more beers and stuff.

Next hash will be Saturday, August 20th. It will begin at Beacon Field in Greenfield at 1400HRs or so (HST) Beacon Field is easiest found by getting off Route Two and traveling as far as the Franklin Medical Center on High Street. Take a turn onto either Sanderson Street or Beacon Street (Towards the ridge) Park under a shady tree and look for hasher types. Bring a change of clothes. On In will be at Gag Me’s with a BBQ.

That’s The Way It Was! Cause I say So, and because nobody else writes these damn things,

Respectfully Submitted by Yer Scribe,

ps Yeasty & Jen sorry ’bout Hurling in your bathroom, but it was high octane beer…and I felt great the next day!

pps I have a vague memory of somebody doing belly shots outta my gut and making a remark it was like a double shot???

#126 | Scenic Overlooks and Porters, Stouts, and IPAs

Happy Valley Hash Trash
Hash Number 126
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Greenfield, Massachusetts

Hare: Anti-Cock

The Pack:
Happy Valley: Dewey Do Me! , Yeasty Boy, Comes On Vacation, Just Bob ( Hash # 3 for just Bob)

Halve Meins: Dirt Bag, Just Dave

Boston: Yeast Infection, Odin, Muffalotta

Westchester H3: Tubslut

HVH3: Just Pat, Gag Me With A Res-Erection
Boston: Udder Sucker, Just Tim

Dan from Easton, Pennsylvania

This was a trail designed to give the pack breath taking views of the Happy Valley’s northern tier. Breath taking in that it involved climbing rocky ridges and then descending rocky ridges only to re-ascend and up and down and so forth.

Trail began at Beacon Field where the hare met early birds Dirt Bag and Tubslut. Dirt Bag had already acquired “Blood On Trail” even though trail hadn’t started. He had tried to climb up a cliff to Poets Seat Tower but slipped and fell on mossy rocks and shards of glass.

When the rest of the pack arrived your hare still needed to put out the beer at the beer checks, so I axed for a fifteen minute cranium start. After passing out twenty-four ounce water bottles to everyone, I took off. Unbeknownst to the hare, Yeast Infection was running late and helped the hare get the 15 minutes. ( Thanks YI! )

The pack sang Father Birmingham and Joe from the Button Factory, and did introductions and then was off in pursuit. Trail used some windy backstreets between the ridge and High Street before it went south on High Street and turned east again before downtown G-Funk. Trail then proceeded thru the Highland Park neighborhood. Hare’s intent was to show everybody really good examples of ostentatious Victorian Grandeur ( I Know, I know, big woids, make me do a down down! ) Trail then proceeded to the tennis courts at Highland Park where there was a water check.

Trail then went into a wooded trail network below the rocky ridge. By this time I had made it to the top of “Sachem’s Head” ( Who said!…) Sachem’s Head is a rocky knoll promontory with a grand view to the southwest and west. You can look south into the heart of the Happy Valley across the meadows and farms that are Deerfield, and to the west see southern Greenfield and the Mohawk Trail as it climbs into the Berkshires. As I sat there sipping some Coors I could hear the calls of nature: trees and leaves rustling in the cool breeze, and the occasional call of “R.U.?” and “Checking.” There were lots of checks to throw the FRBs off my scent.

As the pack seemed to be getting closer and closer, I taunted them with shouts of “Beer Here!” which I was later told could be heard all the way back to the tennis courts. ( About .9 miles!) Weird acoustics below the ridge I guess. Anyway before the pack ascended the rocky ridge, Dirt Bag ang Comes On Vacation emerged from the woods on the out trail! A heinous misdeed which was punished by a down down later. It seems that right from the start Dirt Bag and COV conspired to check Poets Seat Tower as a possible beer check but as they approached the entrance to Poets Seat they spied the out trail from Sachems Head ( Who said…)

At beer check Number One at Sachems Head, the pack enjoyed Beers, Water and Snickers Bars. Then the pack was off, proceeding north along the rocky ridge. Trail was either ascending slippery moss covered granite or was descending said same rocks. All along this stretch there were magnificent views to the west. Trail just skirted within inches of the cliffs, sometimes moving a few feet east amongst boulders and hemlocks.

After about a mile, trail crossed some ass-fault and proceeded up a long driveway to Poets Seat Tower. This is a tall square tower built of local stones which supposedly replaced a wooden tower built in the early to mid-19th century. The earlier tower was a place poets like Thoreau and others would sit and contemplate the view for inspiration. Anyway it was also a great place for a beer check! At this beercheck, the pack enjoyed water, and a mix of really good 20 ounce brews. IPAs, stouts, porters all. and two bags of snickers!

We decided to do the circle up there. I didn’t keep track of all the down downs and such, but it was all the usual ones, visitors, backsliders, shortcutters, etc. Albany’s Just Dave did a down down because its been so long since he started hashing he forgot what his awarded hash name was.Then, Virgin Dan was axed to cum into the circle.

Virgin Dan had been properly coached prior to the circle by his sponsor, me. Thank you, you rat bastard for replying “Joe” when asked who made you cum. I then had to join him for his down down. He waffled on his bus question but actually knew the correct answer to the math one. ( That was even without coaching!) He would help get his uncle off the roof, but didn’t know what one lesbian frog said to the other lesbian frog. ( Hey! Ya’ know what? We do taste just like chicken!) BTW, later at the On In, Just Dan seemed rather enthralled with a story about the gay guy who had sex with a horse but whose colon was blown out. Perhaps a future name might be, “Super Colon Blow.” and for short he could just be, ” Super!” ya know like the way Madame Flutterby always chooses to say it.

I was re-awarded the Hash Shit because the Hash shit is missing in action since the Haverhill hash. I suspect the hash shit may have been hijacked by a certain Boston hasher who goes by the name of Frair F#$k. It may have been a contract hijacking financed in part by mideast terrorists and a cohort in Albany by the name of Piece o’ Chum. I’ll let you know the outcum as soon as Interpol gets back to me.

The pack then scrambled down the mountain on a trail discovered by Tubslut. BTW, Poets Seat was right above the start point at Beacon Field. The On In was held at Greenfield’s only microbrewery, The Peoples Pint on Federal Street. Later after the Pint some hashers retired to Chez AC & Dewey for brewskis, wine and hot tub.

Next hash will be in roughly 1-2 weeks, I forget where and who is haring.

Faithfully Scribbled,
HVH3 Scribe

Happy Valley #132 or was it 134?

The long sought “413 Hash” finally was held in Puff ‘n Stuff, Cainus’, and literally in Suck Faster Bitch’s back yard. Yes, we’re talking the Pittsfield, Mass environs here – Dalton/Windsor, Mass. Luckily for the Hares there was no need for white anthrax hash marks, because the whole running area was coated from anywhere of 7-8 to 9 inches of fresh snow.

Hares: This hash was co-hared by members of the HVH3, The Halve Meins and Burlington H3.  Cums On Vacation, Piece O’ Chum, Cainus Lickus, and Suck Faster Bitch. This quartet was able to outrun the lushs in the pack and laid a live trail.

Happy Valley: Anti-Cock, Just Hossein, Just Steve, Just Diane

Halve Mein: Nice Snatch, Prickly Bush, Pig Fucker a.k.a. THFKAD, Pop Top, Krusty, Just Michael, Ditch Bitch Just Jay, Dr. Queer, Just Said, Just Rachell, Just Sandy, Just Amber Just Shane, McCavity

Boston H3: Westchester H3: Friar F#ck Tubslut (alas, poor Tubslut. The Hot tub was out of order), One Drunk Watching

I think I may have missed a couple of names here. If so, shoot me an addendum.

Oh yeah and hash mongrels were: Scruffy, a.k.a. “Blow Me Again Dante”, Dante, a.k.a. “Thank you Scruffy, may I have another?”, Zuni, Zena, a.k.a “Shitty Trail”, La La

The pack gathered at Notchview Reservation in East Windsor just off Rte 9 and Just east of Rte 8A. The original start was 1330 but that got pushed back to about 1400Hrs. The assembled pack then drove to the real start which was about a mile or so further east to Suck Faster Bitch’s parent’s Chateau in the woods.

The Hares asked for a good 6.9 minute cranium start. Nice Snatch from the Halve Meins graciously assumed RA duties and ran the introductions and then led the assembled masses in a rousing “Joe from the Button Factory.”

The Hounds then fell upon the trail with great anticipation and thirst. The trail zig zagged through coniferous trees laden with fresh powder. All too soon trail emerged onto the backside of SFB’s place with a keg of some amber ale awaiting us. Those twicky hares, putting a beer check so close so they could scurry away.

After almost killing the keg, the hounds were off again thru the drifting snow. The winds began to pick up but we were hashing through heavy woods so we were shaded from the worst of it. Trail went west along the edge of a cemetery then emerged onto a west to east running road. Here there was what I thought was a Schnapp check ( a circle with an “S” in it) but I was told that’s an Albany sign for “Snot Check.” So, McCavity checked east and the rest of the pack checked west. TT ran west.

At this point, trail began a gradual uphill climb into the wind. The views to the east were getting more and more spectacular as we climbed and the sun was setting so that orangey color was getting cast on snow tipped mountains and snow fringed ridges. It looked really cool.

Soon, trail slipped off to the right thru some massive field stone pillars onto an old lane leading to a HUGE field. The old maple trees lining the lane soon led further into this huge field where the wind really was in your face. The snow here was anywhere from ankle deep to 7-8, or 9 inches. All the while a leanto shelter was visable and thats where the FRBs were waiting at beercheck number two. After copius amounts of PBR were quaffed, hares again were off higher into the field.

The hounds soon followed but then discovered that the trail had a hairpin turn where the FRBs were running past the DFLs but just yards away. So, most of the pack short cutted and caught up with the FRBs. Trail was now tucked inside a woodline parallel to the big field and began descending down an old horse trail that was very slippery. Just Jay managed the first observed “Hash Crash” of the day.

Trail conitnued down hill, till we came to the cemetary next to SFB’s beerhaus. Trail crossed the bone yard, (where SFB enjoyed her first kiss, sniff – sniff, how romantic. I did inquire as to whether or not her fait romantique was alive or not, she assured me alive) Here, trail ended and the Circle business was soon commenced.

At the circle:

Pig Fucker assumed RA duties and first order of business was assembling the hares. We did some down down song. Then all the virgins were brought into the circle along with most of their sponsors. Many made themselves cum. Some like Just Rachell and Just Sandy were legacies! Those two sisters are the off spring of non other than Albany’s Wee Willie. So in actuality, who made you cum? Daddy…

Questions included: Just Jay: If he was a female sheep would he screw a ram? He replied yes, we all replied, “Sheep Phucker!!!!!”

Just Said had to demonstarte his favorite sexual position with SFB.

Just Sandy was lucky enough to learn what was “Under a Buck” from Pig Phucker.

Dr Queer’s 40th hash was noted, as was Tubsluts 25th Albany Hash and Just Shane’s 10th.

Just Hossein was noted for Over Achieving having recently run two marathons and continued to hash as part of his training.

Just Jay was nailed for his hash crash.

Backsliders were One Drunk Watching, Just Diane fro the HVH3 (last hashed like three years ago)and myself (for missing like one hash)

Latecummers were Tubslut and Just Shane.

Hashits were awarded to (oops) I didn’t write down who got the Albany Hashit awarded to them, I think it was Dr. Queer? And somehow the HVH3 hashit was awarded to me again for some trumped up charge.

Finally we put our half minds together to cum up with names for Happy Valley’s Just Steve and Just Hossein.

Just Steve who is a library employee at UMass, was not named: Fuck Me Till My Eyes Pop Out, Heavily Stacked, Cums In Drips and Spurts. He was named “BIG PILES”

Just Hossein who is a Doctoral Student in Polymer research at UMass, was not named: Sticky Crotch, Chemical Crotch Stopper, Wayne Campbell’s Plastic Starfish, Tubeslut, Likes it long and hard, or Cum Guzzling Crack Whore.  He was named “Sodom Me!”

Following hash religion we retired to the Fully stocked open bar in SFB’s dungeon of horrors and fetishes. There was cheesy poofs and other assorted fingering foods. Later SFB and others lavished a fantastic chow of Vodka based ziti and stuff.

Then the harriets and Pig Fucker put on a fashion show of old Prom dresses and 80’s music. Various shades of dress and undress were observed. ( Stop lifting up your dress PF’er!!!!)

There were some more antics but we’ll leave those responsible safely esconced in anonimity.

This scribe left about 2100HRs so if anything else zany and reportable happened add it later.

Faithfully Scribbled,
HVH3 Scribe

Cushman Hash No. 135

Yeah we had a hash last week, it was number 135 and for lack of a more original name we’ll christen it the “Cushman Hash” because it started in Cushman.

Hare & Scribe: Anti-Coch

The Pack: Dewey Do Me! , Sodom Me! , Cainus Lickus, Friar F#ck, NFN Cameron (Her 2nd HVH3 Hash), Shitty Trail.

Latecummer: Tubslut, who has now been adopted by the HVH3, we being a kinder, gentler, hash?

Sunday, December 19th, 2005 dawned bright and chipper for our most recent hash gathering. The snows of the previous weeks had bonded together in sheets of ice because of high temperatures and rain over the preceding few days. This made for a perfect hashing surface as many of the Wankers found out on trail.

The actual hash began on the Cushman Common across from the old Cushman General Store. Although we were having trail on, around and over the Amtrak tracks we never were bothered by the appearance of the Vermonter train. ( Or do they still call it, “The Montrealer”?)

As hare I explained the days hash marks and stuff. We sang some songs and then the pack was off. Little did we know that Tubslut was riding aimlessly through the wilds of Hampshire County, trying to reach us on our cell phones, which I had left in my spare blue jeans at the first beer check.

Anyway, Cainus quickly became an FRB but took off south on the Amtrak rails, oddly enough, because there were no hash marks going in that direction…

Sodom Me! and NFN Cameron and Friar and Dewey went east into Cushman Village and one of them spotted true trail turn north towards No. Amherst. Cainus caught up in time to run a long false through the Cushman Pre-School playground. Trail then went towards Leonards Egg Farm, where Sodom Me! took a false up towards January Hills Road.

True Trail crossed the street and followed an icy path up across the bridge on the stream that flows into Puffers Pond. There followed a check which stalled people as all good trails must be followed until the MF’ing real trail is found. The TT went NW towards Leverett. TT turned left onto Pulpit Hill Rd past the Jewell-ah’s old haunt, “The Lounge”, scene of many infamous UMASS parties in the late 1980’s and early 90s.

TT then stopped at a check on the Amtrak rails where I think some FRBs followed the falses until true trail was spotted continuing up Pulpit Hill Rd toward the Amherst Road Crew’s gravel pits. Trail turned in there and then trail was on some really slippery sheets of ice. Trail meandered around the pits then swept uphill thru brambles and a upslope and virgin snow/ice back to Pulpit Hill Road.

Trail went up Pulpit Hill Rd and then swung up a steep slippery hill that went into the woods above Puffers Pond. After a short trail that led to a check, Cainus spotted the BN signage and gave the customary shout. Some civilian had let her pseudo-dog off leash and the scrawny little mutt took off on her. She joined us at the beercheck, which was conveniently located at Sodom Me!’s abode, so she could admonish us about whistles and noise in the woods. We courteously admonished her about leash laws in Amherst. You can take the courteously in italics with a grain of slat 😉

After slurpping mass quantitties of good stouts and cream ales, trail ran south on Pulpit Hill Road but then lurked westerly above the Cherry Hill golf course in a twisty maze of checks and another uphill stretch that mysteriously ended at beer check No.2. back at Sodom Me!’s

Here trail ended and we got wind of Tubslut’s being on trail, becuase Cainus went back to the SP to pick up cars and the Tubslutmobile was there. Later after picking him up we found the check just below the BN got him. I wonder if “Ms. No Leash” erased the BN? Oh Yeah, BTW, the entire time we were at the BCs, Ms. No Leash was wandering around calling out to her missing mutt. I Think the dogs name was BUFU or something like that.

Anyways, the On In was at Mike’s Westview, eraahh, The Harp in North Amherst, where we ate lots of stuff and washed it down with copius pitchers of Guiness. We watched the Colts lose their perfect season. Another good year for the ‘ 72 ‘Phins.

I don’t know when the next HVH3 hash is but there is a bunch of good hashs cumming up soon and over the next couple of months. i.e. The Summit H3 1000th. and the Rumson “Motion by the Ocean”. Check out the Northeast Hashing website for details.

Rumour does have it though that two members of the HVH3 are planning a diabolical hash where maximum drunkedness will be the theme. This may involve cabin camping and strong stomachs, only for the heartiest of true hashers. Be forewarned. Details to follow.

Early reports form our hasher in Iraq suggest that Buffet V will be in June this year. Start prepping you livers , it’s later than you think!

Happy New Year!

HVH3 Scribble.
ps, spellcheck???