Hash Trash from 2002

It’s a sporadic, disorganized mess.  I blame the booze.

Jan 21, 2002

A pieced together recollection of a trail from the mailing list

“preface to hash trash”

“I need mention only one thing to get you all wondering.  How did mild mannered Cahonas  manage to get us thrown out of the Watering Hole?
on-on Handjob?
-keeper of the flame”

“Umm… by using the little girls room instead of the little boys room.  And he even put the seat back down, but alas… If that’s is all it takes to get kicked out of the Hole, then we are in serious trouble for the rest of NoHo bars. Or should i say that the other NoHo bars are in serious trouble…

I dunno what the barkeep’s problem was… he seemed nice enough at first, but he and the rest of the bar patrons (townies, from the looks) had a very Puritan notion of bathroom propriety… 2 bars down… how many ot go?

On On!!

“I was framed !”  – Cajonas


“First of all, behind NoHo City Hall means the Greyhound Bus parking lot, okay? We came (or is that cummed? ), flipped pennies till a Lucky Hasher became an even luckier Hare, Hashed urban like, didn’t violate anybodys sheep, then we drank lots of Newcastle Brown Ale, went to the Hole, played pocket pool, and drank more, sang and performed the standards, then left – sort of, or kinda got thrown out. A typical hash. Oh yeah, and walked through lots of snow and ate really good pizza at Nina’s.” – Anti-Cock

“To add the ant-cock’s summary… Big Cajonas was the hare. We gave him five minutes cranium start, and told him ot stop laying trail after 15 minutes if we didn’t catch him… however, it was his virgin lay, and he goofed up just a tad and had the pack lost for about 15 minutes. This was enough to make him the only hare since he led us to City Pub. Trail was well laid, except for where we got lost… 🙂 It lasted 15 minutes for BC, but 40 for the pack of me, MF, AC, and HJ?.

Next trail will be set by yours truly, and i will have reason to celebrate. I will either have passed or faild my PhD exams. I’m currently taking them again right now. Either way, it’s reason to get sloppy drunk.

I think trail will be set near my house, lot’s of shiggy. I dunno were the on after will be, but it should be good, since it is Superbowl weekend. Anyone have a preference for either sunday or saturday? If we do saturday, there’s still sunday to get sloppy drunk as well.

On On!!

Hash Trash Jan 27

for those who care, the Patriots won the game.

but for us who didn’t, it was a great day to be outside for a hash.
HighBush and Garfield did their usual great job of laying trail (but most of it was obviously
car-haring); but good beer and a well laid trail made up for any shortcomings.
the happyvalley visitors (Douchebag, Flutterby, drippi, and visitor ImPoTent) almost outnumbered the hardfarts (again) — FMT (FollowMyTits), Woodzi, HiBush, and Garfield, and virgin MaryAnn.
most of the trail seemed to be UPHILL to the beer check, but was easy after that.
after the circle, we found a decent sports bar and watched the Steelers lose, and enjoyed great drink and food.

Next hash for the area is the GROUNDHOG hash in Happyvalley, hared by CoV and Cainus. –details forthcuming.


HVH3 – Feb 17th hashtrash

Heavy wet snow provided a real challenge to the hare – Handjob – who met the challenge.. slipping, sliding (and falling on her butt) she laid a great trail thru slush and shiggy.
Hash was well attended – BlowMyPipes, MrHanky, Madame FlutterBy, MLDoucheBag, Sphincter, PondScum and her evil twin NFNLaura, CameOnVacation, CainusLickus, a
virgin Diana, et moi. By the time the hash finished at HJ’s casa, our feet were soaked by the water obstacles we traversed, and our clothes were also wet from the continual snowfall. (But HJ provided lots of socks and slippers for those who forgot to pack dry
clothes. — MLDB has a pair of PINK knee socks which we will look forward to seeing him wear on the next hash.)
The circle was long and enjoyable. The hare was trounced for the horrible conditions we all had to endure — particularly for NOT having a beer check; instead, there was a WINE check. (Maybe in Litchfield or Fairfield County, but NOT here!!) (and she didn’t even provide cheese!)
The hashsh*t award was transferred to BMP who deserved it on principle alone. ‘don’t remember if there was a real reason…
A naming round began for PondScum’s evil twin sister,  NFNLaura. Since she had only been on 4 hashes, we decided not to officially name her… but the group did kick around the following ideas. — No, Not That Hole, The Other Hole, Little Slut on the Praire, and
Facial Creme (because she doesn’t swallow) – (or maybe that was to rename HJ… don’t remember, was laughing too hard…) there was also a fantasy of doing it in an elevator… So if anyone can come up with a name … your input is appreciated.
Our virgin, NFN Diana, was a good sport throughout the hash and endured all the antics of the circle like a true hasher.
After many songs and much rejoicing, most of the group regrouped at The Hanger for GOOD beer and a large plate of wings.

Who would know that such lousy weather would bring out a large group and such a memorable hash?

Till next time…


March 30th hashtrash

HappyValley H3 pulled together a quickie hash on Saturday afternoon… shows how hash starved we all are..
BlowMyPipes laid a great trail as hare — all woods, lots of shiggy and (ankle-sucking mud). The rest of the pack consisted of FlutterBy, MomasLittleDoucheBag, CainusLickus, CameOnVacation and HandJob (who arrived her signature 15 minutes late) et moi. We didn’t have much of a circle since CL, CoV and HJ had to leave right away, but that just left more beer for the remaining males… who built the tradtional fire and we solved the world’s problems in a few hours of discussion. All in all, it was really a great day for
a hash.

Rumor has it that the Hardfarts are hosting the next hash (6th or 7th of April). Woodsie and some old fart are due to hare. Stay tuned…


Hash Trash – Sometime early April

HVH3 Hashtrash forwarded to the mailing list from the hardfart’s list… don’t ask

For those of you who missed it, and there were many you missed a really great run. The pack was small – Canus Lickus( w/ hound), Handjob?, BMP( w/hound), Masternator, Garfield & myself. While giving the hare his 15 minute cranium start we heard the echos of the gun range, the hare assured us he gave us wide bearth to run around it, a little nerve racking ! The run started around 2:30pm, thru apple orchards and into the woods. It was a beautiful day,
the location was remote & the hills a plenty. The trail was well marked, sort of. We were told to look for flour, toilet paper, orange ribbon & chalk – take your pick ! Lots of BT’s, check backs , & bad trails which kept the pack suprising close together, until the beer check. HJ? was feeling a little, should we say runner’s bowel motility & got a little behind before the beer check, thankfully the part of the trail Drippi marked w/ TP. While the rest of the pack was enjoying(?) a warm Jennie creame ale – HJ? was lost. Since we are aconcerned pack, we waited until we finished our beer & then set off again.
More hills & woods, brief glimpse of pavement & down to the shooting range. It had started to rain so no more guns – myself & Masternator took a wrong turn & ended up in Granby before we figured out we were lost. Garfield was one of the FRB’s – & yes he did most of the trail ! The pack waited anxiuosly for HJ?……….. and waited and waited an waited. Finally a recon plan was put into place & HJ? was found by the hare . After all were safe, we ended at Dripp’s house w/ much good food & FINALLY good beer! A small , but happy pack. Down, downs were done- we tried to get the hare drunk & enjoyed a beautiful nite. Hash sh*t went to HJ? Thanks again Drippi !!
Hartford hash this Sunday – details to follow, hares are Swampy & High Bush.
– HB

Hash Trash – Mid/Late April Trail

First of all, OUCH!!! Why do I seem to have more bruises, scrapes, cuts and burns from the on-after than I got laying trail????

Someone will have to fill in the facts about later in the evening, I can’t remember anything past falling into the hot tub face first. The Jack Daniels and Tullamore Dew seems to have erased my memory banks from about 8:00 onward.

Lessons learned:
Drinking two bottles of whiskey at the on after is BAD.
Drinking two bottles of whiskey, one bottle of wine, one bottle of lambic and two cases of beer for five people is WORSE!!!!

1400 hrs rolled around and as usual we began the Hash at about 1510hrs. Surprisingly I asked for a ten minute head start( Head! Who said HEAD!)and was granted about 15 minutes, that’s weird.The start of the Hash entailed enticing two Scottish Highland steers (with really big horns) to get outta the way, once accomplished the pack had to negotiate ankle dip puddles of mud and cow shit.The trail then ran thru some really gnarly tangles of
mountain laurel.Traversing this stuff entailed crawling and ducking . This sort of lead to the first beer check, though Flutterby and C.O.V. missed an earlier false trail mark and almost caught me beside the trail. The trail then meandered down thru a small ravine and back thru the woods. At this point the pack lost the trail for about 5-10 minutes. It was refound and then the fun parts came up. The trail ran across a rain swollen stream and was about knee deep in cold water. The trail crisscrossed the stream a few times before it came out by a really cool, big beaver dam. This then led thro a copse of less densely packed woods, On the far side of the copse, the trail then went into a beaver swamp. Parts of the trail became a sneaker sucking, hip deep in ooze extravganza. The trail emerged from the swamp, ran about 50-75 yards thru woods and then bisected again the same swamp.

From there it was straight shot to the second beer check and then back to the house.

That’s when the on – after festivities began. Graciously, Linda, the Hash Mistress, started a fire in the woodstove and warmed us up. We also chowed on munchies, shrimp and pizza. But before we got too comfy we began the Hash eval and made those responsible, pay the price. We circled up on the deck, and after that we all peeled off our muddy and wet clothes and jumped into the hot tub. Oh, and as part of the on after we began drinking heavily! This included sucking down whiskey, copius amounts of whiskey! This is where
details start to get a little bit hazy. According to Linda, who apparently was the only person who didn’t fall down drunk and pass out, the evening included falling down drunks(myself
included), toe sucking in the hot tub ( ???? ) People puking in the bathroom, and bodies strewn thru out the house.

Overall it was a really fun hash. The bad part was waking up this morning and not remembering how or when I got to bed. I’ve been told that when I got out of the hot tub for the last time , I couldn’t walk, so I crawled. Oh yes, and I had a really killer hangover. working with the kiddies this morning was a trip and a half. Now if the pain would just go away…..Anti -Cock

p.s.. There are lots of spare clothes, sneakers, watches and empty Jack Daniels bottles lying around. Flutterby has already claimed the sneakers, is the watch C.O.V.’s ?
p.p.s. Would someone chime in and relate their version of the Hash and the on-after? Like I said, my memory of it is just a wee bit hazy.

Canis’ version

Well… um… ow….

I remember… let’s see… cold… yes it was cold… and wet… then there was some beer. Some fine Pennsylvania yuengling lager… AND the porter, of course. Then BMP, FINALLY showed up, giving the hare, in full camo, the prod to get on with it. A pack of four kinda
ran a bit, until the bull ring and electric fence had to be negoitiated. (that being a hundred yards or so) Then, the trail really began and was quickly lost as two of our pack ran straight by a false trail marker, the other two bumbling through the brambles to a quick beer check. Indeed, it all seemed to happen really quick. At one point all is well, then only a few shots later and…. but let’s not jump ahead in our story. “Who said!” Trail rediscovered
after bumbling about after the beer check took the pack up and back across a nice cold stream, BMP said deep, too. A big ‘ol genuine Beaver dam was seen and a swamp at some point that two of us somehow never quite saw… really, no honestly, I’m not sure what happened, just managed to somehow not find the swamp. But I heard the crossing
was also cold and deep. Regathered, the pack followed trail back to a 2nd beer check, back across the bull ring, electric fence, by the sheep, and some large birds.

All of a sudden, I think it was after the fine Irish Tullamore dew… the circle happened… which also involved some guy named Jack, or did he show up in the tub? The tub was reeeeeaaaally niiiiice and warm, quite intoxicating… like that Jack guy. When DID he show up? Before or after the homemade Chardonnay? I forgit. And there was mention of lambic as well. Definitely do NOT remember the lambic. I blame it on the hay I munched on to stay warm during the trail. Suppose to decoy the bulls but,… Yes definitely the hay, probably a little fermented, hallucinagenic fungus of some sort, causes strange

In the end the trail was very wet, very cold. The circle short, and the on after drifts off into that nether world that is… a rousing good on-after with understanding hosts. Copus no catchus, all must be wellus.

Canis Lickus

HVH3 No.48/Wendell Hash

Saturday dawned early for the Hare who had just spent the previous two days canoeing down the Connecticut River, swilling Tullamore Dew and Genessee Cream Ale. So, it was time to scout a trail and quickly clean the farm.

Sporting a 1:25,000 topo of Wendell State Forest, but no bug juice, the Hare( yours truly) looked for the most amount of nasty shiggy he could within the scope of a three to four mile run. Trying to outrun swarms of deer flies and mosquitoes ( IT DIDN’T WORK THOUGH!), the trail was laid and six cases of beer were bought in time to return home to grab three Hashers to help put out the beer checks.[ Thank you, Follow My Tits, Flushy, and Cainus]

The Hashers who waited at the house while we put out the beer checks were thoroughly lubricated for the run.:-) ( Before I move on, I have to mention that people had their pick of fifty +/- acres to set up their tents but everybody chose a corner of the backyard, downslope from the septic tank run off !!! This also includes “One Drunk” who set up his tent directly in the the runoff of the septic tank!!! )

The starting circle began at the house and intros were made. We then picked up and squeezed everybody into the Hare’s P.U. truck for the lift to the SP at Wendell State Forest. We parked at the lot closest to the beach at Ruggles Pond. The Hare asked for a ten minute cranium start, for this leg to the first beer check would be live hared. The trail started with a check that included three long falses, all the better to punish potential FRBs. One false ran across the Ruggles Pond Dam and then up a short, but steep hill. ( Gotcha Sphincter ! ). Little known to the Hare at the time, this start created the desired effect and I got away with a good ten minute cranium start.

The true trail ran around the back side of Ruggles Pond, to a couple of checks that either sported uphill falses or across swamps. The trail then came around Ruggles Pond and then really ran about thirty meters (uphill) to the first beer check on Brook Road. FRBs were Cainus, Sphincter, Madame Flutterby, and I think Pond Scum was right there too. Funny thing was, how Cainus was there for the cacheing of the beer and was an FRB! ( He paid for this indiscretion later).

The Pack followed along by and bi, till we swilled our fill of at least two or three brews each. At this point the Hare ( me) asked if there were any non-swimmers in the pack. On confirmation of at least two non-swimmers ( or at least two smart Hashers!!! ), I opted to show the non-swimmers how to avoid an upcumming water obstacle. The pack proceeded up Brook Road and then to a check that included a long false, but which true trail ran downhill thru a pine grove to the edge of Wickett Pond. Here the trail stopped at a toilet paper bedecked tree, and started again at another similarly decorated tree across the pond about 200 meters away. The water was warm, and the bottom slimy –  which forced the the pack to truly swim the whole distance. On emerging from the pond the pack was treated to the thickest, nastiest shiggy I have ever cum across in WSF. There was tangles of Mountain Laurel ( which was blooming), Poison Ivy and dead trees and mud, broken occasionally by swamp grass and mud and thorny little vines. This part of the trail ran along the eastern edge of Wickett Pond and from there to the boat launch at the northern most point of the pond and to the SECOND BEER CHECK. ( while crossing the pond the pack was spied by a friend of the Hare who happened to be fishing from a canoe. He, having never seen Hashers before, commented on how it was the craziest thing he’d ever seen, all those people swimming across a muddy pond like that! )

The pack was met at the boat lauch by yours truly and three Hashers. If you do the math, then you should realize that the pack should’ve been greeted by just three of us but, NFN Roy discovered he had his only pack of smokes in his shorts pocket , so he somehow managed to evade the pack at the Water Crossing and make his way to the second beer check without following any kind of laid trail! [Dude must be able to smell beer or something?] We slurped suds for quite awhile at the beer check and twightlight seemed a short time away. They lock gates at the access points to the parking lot at Ruggles Pond at 1930HRS, so I chose to run there instead of with the pack to the last beer check, so I could get the truck back to Jerusalem Cliffs and hook up with the pack at the endpoint. Little did I know, but when I got to my truck it was only 1830HRs, Oops! Anyhow, the trail left the boat launch and qiuckly came upon another check with long falses, but again that darn FRB, Cainus, directed the pack towards beer and true trail. TT ran uphill ( of course ) along Wickett Pond Road towards Jerusalem Hill. A couple of falses were here and there, but the pack was soon climbing up the Jerusalem Hill Cliffs trail towards salvation and the last beer check. This part was most grueling as the trail ( which is also part of the Metacomet/Monadnock Trail) went uphill using natural granite stairs as part of the path. At a really nice lookout point to the west and southwest, the pack found the last beer check atop the cliffs and had enough time there to sing a few rousing songs and kill lots of beers. Pond Scum committed a grave injustice here by prematurely killing her beer not by consumption but by having it ” On the Rocks”. She was made to pay later, along with the injustified Cainus. We then trucked back along the trail, collected the empties and drove back to the farm for the On – After festivities.

Here the evening’s festivities started in earnest! At the circle co – RA’s Madame Flutterby and Sphincter Sicle made all those guilty of one indiscretion or another pay and pay dearly. ” AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING!!!”  Visitors, GM’s and Hare were treated to many too many down – downs. There was one naming to “Just Linda”, who has played host to all of the HVH3 Wendell Hashes, and who has hashed with the Pittsburgh and Eeerie Hashes. ( And who has put up with me 24/7 for the last 17 years !!!! ) After ample questioning and startling revelations [ Right Pond Scum? She said 100 !!! ] the assembled Hashers thought about her proclivities and occupation and came up with : ” Dewey Do Me ! “.

After this, the evening starts to get a little fuzzy, what with copius amounts of brew, Yucca and other vices, plus way too many naked Hashers in and around the Hot Tub, my memory is just not what it should be, but anyway, by 0130 HRS the assembled Hashers had either gone to bed or passed out in various locations around the farm. Luckily before I fell asleep I was able to stop Madame Flutterby and Sphincter Sicle from grabbing a ram lamb, and sticking it in Cream Whora’s tent.

We woke before the Rooster’s crow for two reasons: A) We don’t have a rooster, just chickens, and B) Because Madame Flutterby wanted everyone to watch the Soccer Game between Brazil and Ze Fazzerland at 0630HRS. ( We eventually found out that the game didn’t start until 0730 HRS on the spanish T&A station.) Sights that greeted us, but not necessarily in this order were: “One Drunk” waking up with wads of brown and black crap all over his body ( remember, where he set his tent up ?), Friar F%&ck hibernating in the scuz that had been a perfectly good hot tub the night before, oodles of empties everywhere and bottles of Johnny Walker, Tequila, Vodka, etc. Puff n’ Stuff was on a quest to find tomato juice for Bloody Marys, so we drove to the earthy crunchy coop store in Leverett and got some. “Dewey Do Me” arose and made everyone who was able, scrambled eggs from our farms chickens. The assembled Hashers picked up right where we left off and began to consume more down downs and also Pond Scum and Puff n’ Stuff laid a hangover trail in and out of the pastures and corrals. Oh, wait a minute –  I just remembered something else. At midnight, we had a Nekkid Hash too. Those responsible included: Muff a Lotta, Friar. Puff?, Me, Madame and Sphincter.I wasn’t going to join in but Muff made the choice for me by stripping my clothes off, thanks “Muffa Lotta”.

The drinking and carousing went on until about 1500HRS sunday. Unfortunately it was either just before this or shortly after that it was discovered that some of the cars parked in the driveway had been burglarized somehow and sometime between 0130 and 0600. ( It could’ve been earlier, but thats my guess unless those responsible were brazen enough to do it while we were all still up). It’s unfortunate, but I guess we all should not take it for granted anymore that we’re immune to this sort of shit out here in the country.

Believe it or not some of the last Hashers present decided to proceed to Granby, at Madame Flutterby’s and NFN Roy’s to continue the festivites. I just had to put out some e-mail and had to call the Chief of Police.

HVH3 Hash No. 48 AAR

Lessons learned:
A) Three beer checks are cool, maybe next time four?
B) Water obstacles are waycool, especially in the summer.
C) Next time there is a Wendell Hash lie that the Hot Tub is broken.
D) Pitching one’s tent atop the septic tank is bad.
E) Yucca need not necessarily always be encouraged.
F) Lock the windows and doors, and maybe next time lay an ambush for the thieving        fuckers!

HVH3 Scribe

Funk #49, Sorry Joe Walsh

Hare: Madame Flutterby

The Pack: Comes On Vacation, Cainus Lickus, Anti-Cock, and newly named Hash                     Hounds “Licks His Own Balls” and ( was it? ) “Eats Madame’s Balls”.

A.O.- Below the Notch, and in and around Atkins Fruit Bowl, South Amherst, MA  (Or is it South Hadley ?)

Happy Valley Hash No. 49

We met Madame Flutterby at the appointed hour Thursday night across from Atkins to do a short run below the notch, plenty of vertical was all that was previously mentioned along with, ” I hope no one is using the firing range! ”

The Hare asked for a ten minute cranium start and since we were across from Atkins, and since he mentioned he had beers in his car, we graciously agreed to give him the start he wished for. I ran across the street to sample the fruit, exotic soda and chocolate selection, while C.O.V. and CL, started in on the beeer.

This run was live hared so we waited for the appointed time and took off in hot pursuit. The trail led down a narrow footpath beneath some poison ivy infested power lines, and quickly ran into some well placed checks to slow down the potential FRB’s amongst us. Luckily for COV she checked the one that became True Trail, while CL and I ran off trail a ways checking long falses. The trail became sort of vertical, with undergrowth and lots of poison ivy as it led upwards to the third check point. It was here that we lost COV for a few moments. The trail led across someone’s front yard who was out there fixing his old Ford PU truck, and who wasn’t pleased to see anyone crossing his yard. After discussing the merits of Hashing with this character out of Deliverance ( and BTW his front yard was a Pistol range! ), he agreed to let us run through his yard, but meanwhile, CL had to go find COV who was off checking a false.And then cum back thru Mr. Green Teeths yard! Any who, we all cleared the danger area and quickly found the beercheck , however, the beer check did seem to be a little too close to down range, because as we began to slurp the suds the firing resumed at the range! Nice placement Flutterby…

The trail crossed Rte 116 below the Notch at this point and began a circuitutous route back to the SP. Highlights included a couple of sheer packed mud and dirt climbs and running thru another unwary civilians yard. At that point, the pack decided to skip Tresspassing charges and shortcutted  back onto Rte 116 str8 back to the SP, where we caught the Hare doing ice cream from Atkins.

We conducted the circle beside an Apple orchard. Many beers were sacrificed to appease the Hash Godz. The HVH3 Hash Shit was awarded to yours truly for conspicous puking and colon blowing for the first six hours of the ride back from TITS in Virginia. The afore mentioned Hash Hounds we renamed to honor their “presents” at so many HVH3 hashes. The on after was at the South Amherst Ale House, which also became a mis-management meeting. Lesson learned here – they have really good pizza at the place across the street and they’ll deliver it to the bar!

We discussed upcumming hashes and the the question about what to do for our fiftieth hash. It was decided to skip to our 51st, because Madame will be away till the middle of August, and also so that we would explore the possibility of offering to lay our 50th trail during the Saturday of the parachuting Hash in Northampton, sponsered by Cream Whora. The idea being this would enhance BH3’s hash while giving people another reason to make it out even if they don’t want to throw themselves out of a perfectly good airplane. We discussed making our 50th a Pub crawl Hash thru NoHo, that Saturday night. Also we would do Tee Shirts for the fiftieth. Madame said he would discuss these ideas with the BH3 folks, (who are mostly on our mailing list anyway so if he hasn’t called yet, yer hearing it here)

So, our next hash will be No. 51, I think CL volunteered to Hare it.

Anti -Cock
HVH3 Scribe

HV Hash #51 hashtrash

Well it was a positively beautiful night, The sun was shining, a light breeze blowing from the west, I beleive the beer was cold… good beer, too, yum the hare arrived at the start, (a minute or two past 18:30) the first of the pack arrived soon (well, was already there)
and they waited and waited

then waited some more

a hare and a pack of one Throbbing Member
at this rate the next hash will be a hare setting trail then cumming back to slam down a 12-pack or so ’til he can’t remember his name, then take off to see if he can find the trail just set.

soooo anyway, it was a great night for a hash, and there was some fine brew sitting at a beercheck out there, cold beer… waiting having abandoned the idea of a live set trail with a pack of one the pack of two took off at 19:15 or so The… well, ‘A’ trail, was followed
(You don’t think I actually took you on the real trail now do you TM? must save it for later)
Start thru Amherst neighborhoods with a wee path thrown in, then into the Wildwood cemetary woods along the pine needle paths, with a brief scurry across what could be a water crossing maybe in spring following “trail” up and out to the land of Umass condo/frat/sororities and on into some fields with a short up hill to the beercheck

Great view east, cold beer, and old observatory at the top (w/a cell phone tower, but can’t have everything) did I mention cold beer, more than a mere pack of two required, but we did our best.

On back by some Umass dorms, cuttin’ thru a patch of forest to return to the bucolic Amherst neighborhoods and the Start.

Circle…. what, with two? what would that be?… A “line up”? try to avoid those on general principle.

On after at the Amherst Brewing Company, where the ESB was tasting fine, the food not as fried as I remember, and the seats outside. Watching the non-hasher’s enviously eyeing up the dashing attire of two sweaty hashers.


HVH3 Hash No. 53

Happy Valley’s Hash No. 53 is now a part of Hash history, so let’s pick it apart faster than a plate of  “727 Hot Wings” from the Hanger…

Hare: Hand Job

Hashers: Anti-Cock, Cainus Lickus, and Throbbing Member

The Hashers present met at Rafters in Amherst for a little pre-lube consisting of Newcastle Brown Ale, and whatever that tasty looking brown ale was you were drinking Cainus.

Hand Job asked for a ten minute cranium start and was given about 7-8 minutes. (this being about 1850HRS.) The pack took off in the direction of the U-Mass maze. But before we got there, we sort of lost trail for a little bit which added to her cranium start. And then that sneaky Hand Job twicked us, that wascully wabbit! She laid a sort of fake “beer near” in towards the center of the maze, but on opening the bag, that we thought would contain beer, we discovered the dreaded ” YBF ‘ insrcibed on the bottom of the bag.

We made our way out of the maze and got back on trail, only to lose trail again on the practice fields south of the U-Mass stadium. After about five minutes Cainus picked up the trail, sort of, and we proceeded to about the east side of the stadium. Here we missed some trail markings and lost the trail for a good ten minutes. Again Cainus spottedtrail, but then we ran past a couple of marks, and in doing so we missed beer check No. 1. ( Which had been placed in Section 11, last row of course) We meandered around and thru the stadium until we found a couple of marks but those marks led us to our next loss of trail, which ate up another ten minutes or so. At this point light was beginning to fade but was still enough to see the trail. Which Cainus picked up hundreds of yards away…which we then lost again, but this time I found it leading into some woods near Rte116. The trail crossed a small stream beside a culvert and then we lost trail again, but only for a few minutes, till it took us into the woods again and at this point it got DARK!   We groped our way thru the woods, and then on a hunch I followed a well worn path back out onto assfault.  We then ran down a long stretch and starting missing more and more marks due to loss of light. We ran almost all the way to the traffic lights near the Southwest towers on U-Mass, but at that point decided to break contact and abort the mission.

To make a long story shorter we then proceeded to The Hanger for beer and munchies and were met by C.O.V. ( Sort of…) and eventually by the Hare. She was of course, unanimously awarded the Hash Shit.

Gotta Go,
Anti-Cock   Omissions are entirely my fault.


Note – yes the numbers are out of order, but the dates are in order.  at least they finally started listing trail numbers since dates are often slightly suspect.  this trail was late august

We came,

We dripped,

We drank….

Co Hares: Cainus Lickus, Anti-Cock

Virgin: NFN Mike

HVH3 members and friends present at airport: Madame Flutterby, Sphincter Sickle, Pond Scum, Puff ‘n Stuff, Cream Whora, and lots of BH3’ers

The pre-lube began about a half hour after the heavy rains began, in conjunction with BH3’s Sky Dive Hash at the Northampton Airport.  The weather had earlier cancelled their sky diving festivities, but apparently they hashed up and around Mt. Skinner.

The assembled hashers conspired to sing many chorus’ of some well known and  lesser well known Hash anthems….”Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves…”, but did spare the virgins from the S&M man ( I think, unless sung later?)

The pre-lube consisted of a keg of some potent brew, and some JD from Puff’n Stuff. We enjoyed conversing and partying with the assembled hashers, but on pursuing the pub crawl idea, many opted to stay wet and muddy at the airport. We did stay long enough to watch the fireworks and the “Burning Bitch”.( A tower constructed of pallets and a couch liberally sprinkled with combustibles and roman candles that resembled a giant female?)

The first check was at the Amherst Brewing Company, the second and last was at the Harp where we consumed Guiness and partook of the blues ala The Ray Mason Band.

For the future…We are in the beginning processes of planning a Caving Hash at Clarksville Cave, in NY. This will probably be in early October.


HVH3 #54 Hash Trash

Oh it was a wunderful trail,

The beer was checked and waiting
some fine beverage in need of hashers
“If I place it, they will cum”, says I
Perhaps I’ll just sample one to make sure all is well

Then there I was sittin in the bar
full pint in front of me, Futball on the tube
The Patriots dissapointing the bar crowd… Again
Hashers to be here soon, says I

The Revolution match starts
Perhaps one more pint before Hashers arrive
Scoreless at halftime, a thirsty game this soccer
another pint in fron a’ me

Hmmm, Sun gettin low outside, hunger pangs,
pint o’ bread’l due w/Phish n’chips, good stuff with soccer
feels so… British, like a full pint to finish the game…
tied and a bit pied, And no hashers

Well, why not run trail…
What an excellent trail… through that place there…
and then over the thing…. kinda confusing getting through that stuff.. but the
beer check, oh the fine beer at that place…. then back around the big… with
the hanggin down thing… across the hoosit and through that stuff… shoulda
been there it was…so… so… solo

To finish with Flutterby waiting in the bar doorway… such a natural look for
that one.
Why not a couple more pints

Looks to be a trail showing up again in your hashing future.

Perhaps a mismanagement this week sometime?
Wednesday 8ish Ale house


HVH3 No. 55

Nothing like a little old Hash to warm you all up and give you that fuzzy glow that cums from slurping beer on a sunday!

Yep, we’re talking about Happy Valley’s 55th which was held on our old stomping grounds of U-Mass Amherst. The SP was at the Duck Pond and was hared by yours truly. I had been away all week and hadn’t properly scouted a trail. And this was to be my first truly live haring. ( that’s right, if you are familiar with how I run, then you too know I was screwed from the get go)

Hashers present included: Cainus Lickus, Comes On Vacation, Madame Flutterby, NFN Roy, NFN Kevin ( a virgin who was deflowered on this run) and NFN Ken, who showed briefly at the start.

I pleaded for an old man’s cranium start of 15 minutes and was graciously given, what I later learned was twelve minutes. Hoorah. I went south along the path along the duck pond then wigged and wagged around buildings, stairwells, and lawns, past the ROTC Bldg, then zagged east towards Frat. Row. At that light I went North along the eastern edge of the duck pond and then proceeded towards the Campus Center. From there I went towards NE Campus and managed to mark a bit of HVH3 history by pointing out the SP of the First HVH3 Hash. From this direction the trail went towards the Mark Meadow School and finished a with abeer check in the parking lot for the Dorms in the NE Campus AO. At one point I was spotted by the gaining pack, but luckily the spotter was NFN Kevin, and for some reason I was able to make a quick getaway and even throw off he pack briefly with a couple of quick checks with short falsies.

I greeted the FRBs with some frosty cold ones and some Milky Way Bars. Flutterby was kind enuf to act the part of spiritual advisor and led the pack in some rousing Hash tune – age. We were going to name NFN Roy, but we got a good little beer buzzz going and forgot! I would have nominated the name: ” Fun Guy” ( a reference to the crud he picked up at Wendell Hash No.3 this summer. That or “Don Cortizone”

After the Hash we proceeded to our home away from home and slurped good copius amounts of suds and chowed on the Harps finest chow. All in all, it was a pleasant way to spend a sunday afternoon, sipping suds with yer buds.

Cainus promises a “good lay” for Happy Valley’s 56th on Sunday, November 2nd.

and BTW Cainus, my plans have changed and I won’t be going away that weekend.

One more public service announcement: There will be a Halloween Party at The Charlemont Inn on Saturday Night the 26th. Dewey and I are going. There will be tunes provided by the Hilltones. There’s no cover, costumes can get kinda outrageous in them thar Hilltowns, and there is a $100 prize for best costume as judged by the band members.

Anti – Cock
HVH3 Scribe

HVH3 No 56

Hare:  Cainus Lickus

HVH3ers: Comes On Vacation, Duff, Scruff, and Anti-Cock.

“A to A” Hash in North Amherst.

I greeted the GM and COV at approximately 1515HRs in the parking lot behind the Harp. I figured that for once I’d be fashionably late which usually means right on time.

Anywho, COV had a bag full of goodies to scarf on, which we did. At about 1525HRs we started the hash and took off up the asphalt towards route 63. We went North on 63 then made a right turn  and ran across a freshly plowed farmers cornfield. The trail then went up a small road and then turned right into a meadow behind Puffers Pond.This part of the trail then followed the bank of Puffers Pond, which was a pretty steep grade covered in snow and wet leaves.( Thanks Cainus!) But nobody slipped into the water, which by the way was pretty cool looking with lots of Mallards swimming by. The steep incline led to a little outlook above Puffers Pond, AND the BEER Check!!! And what a tasty selection of beers was had! Beamish, Youngs Oatmeal Stout and something else that is escaping my beer soaked mind. From there the trail followed along the Mill River thru some nice trails and on into the Mill River park. We then proceeded to the Harp for the on after. We had a pitcher of Beamish and and warmed ourselves back up.

Next Hash, No.57 is rumoured to be Hared by Flutterby on November 17th.

HVH3 Scribe

HVH3 , wasn’t it No. 59?

Abuse me unmercifully with leather instruments and baby oil if I’m wrong, but I believe this past Sundays Hash was HVH3 No. 59.

Hare: Madame Flutterby

SP:  Rafters parking lot, Amherst, Ma.

Hashers: Cainus Lickus, Comes On Vacation, Anti-Cock, Hand Job.

Virgin (s): NFN Frank.

The pack converged upon Amherst’s premier sports bar, having braved snow, sleet and rain, only to have the clouds part in time for our circle. Hash marks and such were explained to the virgin, as we quaffed his offering of homemade hard cider. We waited patiently for Hand Job, and also for an out of town visitor, who had e-mailed about cumming, but (Who knows?) At Your Cervix might still be searching for Rafters.

The Hare axed for a 10 minute cranium start and was graciously given , perhaps 12 minutes as we did one last look inside Rafters for At Your Cervix. But alas, the Hash was on! ( Oh, BTW, since the ground was covered in snow and slush, Flutterby ingeniously devised Hash from mixing Raspberry Kool Aid with flour!)

The trail ran up Amity Street towards the center of Amherst, but then after some short falses and meandering thru a housing complex, the trail made a left onto Fearing St. This street goes into the ZooMass campus near the SW towers. There was X here and we checked for trail for a coupla minutes. COV picked up the trail downhill towards the football stadium and the trail started going south on Univ. Drive back towards the SP. The pack eventually converged back at Rafters parking lot for the beer check and circle. Total length about two miles. ” A hash can never be too short”

First order of business for the circle was to baptize the virgin, Frank, in beverage. I must say that although he came with a reputation as a premier home brewer and champion wine maker( not to mention his ciders), NFN Frank did the slowest wanking Down-Down that I have ever witnessed! Alas, he didn’t spill a drop, but…

Next order of business was that since Hand Job had been a big time backslider because of her operatic committments, that she would have to make an offering to the down down gods.And she did! Her return also reintroduced the pack to our long lost Hashshit.

Speaking of the hashshit, the hashshit was bestowed on Flutterby for his recent spattering of backsliding ( defending the country from terrorists is no excuse – you backsliding HVH3 mainstay!)

Next on the hitlist was the FRB and the DFL. Lo’ I was the beholder of cumming in DFL and COV was the days FRB.

After a few main stays and grilling the virgin ( His favorite barnyard animal? He asked if we wanted it’s first name…) A horse. And admitting that he wouldn’t necessarily get-off right away on a bus loaded with queers… We had a little religion then went on into Rafters for some NFL smorgasbord and refreshment.

Respectfully submitted:
Douglas J. Wedermeyer
Omega House
HVH3 Scribe

PS The Cave Hash: We talked about the virtues of doing the Cave Hash in January, as December can get kinda crazy and because hashing in a 50ish degree cave would be better than 4 feet of snow anyday. So, this will give us a little more time and we can plan it so it won’t be on anybody’s drill weekend, but I can’t promise that some wankers might not be mobilised by then! Peace, Luv, out – your DD-214’d Scribe