Hash Trash from 2007
SFMRH #8 | HVH3 #173
The 8th (yes, 8th; this is a correction) Shays Rebellion Full Moon Hash convened January 5th, 19:00 HST at Chez Anti-cock-with-a-K & Dewey Do Me.
Those with a few brain cells remaining may recall that I once claimed I’d never mention McCavity in a Happy Valley hash trash again. Unfortunately, since he was one of the hares, I guess I can’t really avoid it.
The dearly departed (or is that “nearly departed”; hard to tell from my rained-upon notes) McCavity & Bohdsa (I’m pretty sure there’s an ‘h’ in her name, but I can’t remember if that’s where it goes), with some Coll-lusion from AC.
Comes On Vacation
Le Marquis de Brokeback (I hear Flutter’s gay-ness has been transferred to
Just Peter (not Just Beer, as we thought he said)
Dewey Do Me
Anti-cock with a K
How Many Licks?
Yours truly, Big Piles
Visitors (besides the hares):
Dairy Queen (formerly known as Pop Top)
Extreme Late-comer & Visitor:
The hares & pack waited impatiently for my late arrival, and then farted around for another 20 minutes before anything actually happened. Chalk talk was done in the driveway, and we warmed up with “Hey, My Name Is Joe” to give a 6.9 minute cranium start, which turned into more like 16.9. There was a sad & misguided attempt to do the warm-up in Italian.
Trail was A to B with shuttle back provided by the hares & AC. We went down streets and through shiggalicious woods of Wendell, but I couldn’t tell you quite where due to the drizzle and fog that made visibility a joke, especially for those of us who rely on glasses. There were occasional moments of clarity, including clarity of land cleared by a tornado last year. We eventually found the hares at their vehicle at the end of the trail, and some of the pack even got there via the actual trail. Some arrived in AC’s pickup truck. I’m told we were at Wickett Pond, but there was no pond in sight due to the fog. We had a beer there at the end of the trail, and were shuttled back to the house for circle on the deck, or, for baseball fans, the on-deck circle. (Flutter may not be gay any more, but the Yankees still suck. It’s good to know there are some things you can count on.)
The hares were sung the Sh*tty Trail song, and then the remaining visitors were called in. They sang us “Ou Est le Papier?”.
I was given a down-down as a latecomer, but I was soon to be outdone by Friar F*ck’s arrival.
COV was both FRB and FBI, but a special down-down was awarded to Just Pete for actually finding the Beer Near mark at the end of the trail (most of us just found the car with the beer in it).
DFL was Canis Lickus (an unusual spot to find him, but there was some serious auto-hashing going on). Anti-cock gave Drinking Jenga games as special prizes to Canis & Spank Bank for being DFL & 2nd to DFL.
Next down-downs went to the list of auto-hashers, including Marquis de Brokeback, Just Mike, How Many Licks, and Anti-cock. I could have sworn there was one more, but that’s all I wrote down.
Further down-downs went to Dewey for having dry feet (accomplished by not going on trail), and Burning Bush for lost sh*t.
At this point Friar F*ck showed up, as was given some combination of down-downs which I believe included latecomer, DAL, visitor, and auto-hashing. I told you I was outdone as a latecomer.
Our RA, COV, then called for accusations. Down-downs included the hares for not having a beer check on trail, Marquis for whining, AC for the Italian version of “Hey, My Name Is Joe” (or was that Giuseppi?), and Sodom Me! & How Many Licks? for cuddling in circle. I believe McCavity & Bohdsa also did down-downs as Leavers, soon to be moving to parts of the world very far away, where they speak a version of English with an accent even weirder than McCavity’s. I wonder if they’ll be able to understand each other.
The SRFMH hashit was awarded to Anti-cock for his lame nomination of me for hashit “just because”.
Circle closed with hash religion. Drinking Jenga and hot-tubbing ensued. I’ll refrain from too many details, to protect the guilty, but apparently the next day found AC & Dewey changing the hot-tub water due to extra protein added from certain activities that took place there, and, unfortunately, cleaning up puke someone left in the hallway. I plead not guilty on both counts, but my knee has fond memories of the evening.
Somewhat respectfully submitted,
-Big Piles, Pseudo-Scribe
Happy Valley No.174
Happy Valley No.174 or ” How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love a Big Piles Trail “
When: Saturday, January 13th, 2007
Where: GCCCcccccccccc Campus and environs, Greenfield, Mass. ( Virgin Hashing Territory)
Hare: Big Piles, wearing a “Bad Hare Day” tee shirt
Who?: Half Minds of course, Cainus Lickus, Sodom Me!, Comes On Vacation, Gag Me with Your Resurrection, Just Pat, Just Phillip, Anti-Cock. Latecummer: Dewey Do Me!
and hash hounds, Face F#cker & Zuni.
The pack assembled at Lot C of the GCC campus in Greenfield at 1300HRS on Saturday the 13th of January, 2007. It was in the mid to upper 40’s with no breezes. The forecast had been for steady rain, but the clouds were lifting and it was actually pretty nice weather for a hash.
The hare came into the circle which was beside a bunch of AAA Beeline trailers. He gave a chalk talk about his blue hash and advised that there would be some backchecks and such dribble. It should be mentioned that in recognition of his previous lays he was wearing a pretty funny tee shirt. It was a picture of a hobbled rabbit on crutches holding a lucky rabbit’s foot but with his own foot bandaged and apparently amputated. The words under the rabbit said, “Bad Hare Day”
COV RA’ed and led the pack in a rousing Father Birmingham. The Campus security dude drove by but didn’t pay us any heed. Then we was off in pursuit of beer. Trail started across a good sized parking lot then ran behind the main GCC building. It was here that Gag Me seized the high ground, that being a port-a-potty.Trail proceeded past the geology park. Just beyond the park was a check. Trails went up some stairs and into some woods via a upwards slope, or downhill via a assfault trail. Down hill led to a long checkback, which was found by Just Phillip, Cainus and Sodom Me! True Trail went uphill into the woods as found by Gag Me, Just Pat and COV.
Trail ran thru the GCC High Ropes Course area and continued uphill. The next check had people follow the ridge below Route 2 east or west. Most chose to turn left. A muddy trail soon led to beer check number 1 just below the observation tower on Rte.2.
The beer check was beside a small babbling brook which was just fine because we were soon a bunch of babbling, singing drunks. The check beer was a Big Y bag o’ beers. A Berkshire Brewing Growler and cans of Gennessee Cream Ale. It don’t get much better than that!
Soon enough we were off in pursuit of a second beercheck. Trail began a gradual downslope easterly along the ridge. We broke out of the thorny brambles onto a private cul-de-sac, I think it was Meadowview Circle but don’t quote me on that one, it was a neighborhood in G-Funk I had never seen before. Trail then followed Homestead Street towards the back of a strip Mall on Rte 2. But trail then came to a fence around a National Grid switching station. Sodom Me! opted to literally follow trail by climbing the fence which led to an exit via again climbing a fence. The rest of the pack simply went around the enclosure. Trail then went into the parking lot of BJs and though a small part of the store with Sodom Me! shouting “ON ON!” to the gawking shoppers.
I “accidentally” shortcutted trail and met the FRB Sodom Me! soon thereafter. We came to a big field and a check. Sodom Me! checked forward and I checked left thru some bushes into somebodys yard. Sodom Me! found a YBF and true trail indeed went left down an alley sort of thing. Then there was a check. Sodom Me! checked straight on the assfault then checked left onto ( I think it was) Huntington Circle. He shouted “On Two” but then disappeared. My check to the left produced no hashmarks so I checked farther east along the road. That produced nuthin so I followed the way Sodom Me! went. The rest of the pack hadn’t shown up yet but weren’t too far behind by the loudness of their shouting. Within two hash marks I spotted a big BN in a circle in front of a partially opened garage door. I cautiously opened the door and went inside suspecting a BP trick, but after checking two coolers found the beer. Sodom Me! showed up having found further hash marks leading away from the beercheck. The rest of the pack then showed up.
Turns out that this was BP’s house. His garage was the beercheck. It was huge, we wondered how he could keep it up? We could have a beerhall in there with a bandstand and a dance floor. We drank more delicious Genny Cream Ale and BBC. We sang some songs, drunkenly and very loudly!!! We also told hash war stories. Flutter’s not gay anymore, cause, “Marquis’ GAY!!!!”
Then we resumed trail. Trail went up the assfault into some crotchedy lady’s yard who went on a short brutal tirade that we of course shrugged off, ON ON!
Trail then proceeded north a short way on Colrain Road then a left turn back onto the long GCC driveway. Trail then led back to “A” I don’t know about everybody else, but I was feeling rather sloppy drunk by the time we got back to A.
At the closing circle:
We circled beside the storage trailers. First order of business was Hare in the circle. Trail comments included; Not enuf Genny, Not enuf ticks ( I found one on me later, how about you?) Not enuf flour, not enuf beer. We sang him the Shitty Trail song.
[I don’t know if I’m reporting this in the right order but this is the order their written down]
Hashit nominations: Cainus Lickus – for trying to nominate somebody for the Hashit days before the hash even happened. Sodom Me! – for telling a story about milking a stallion during circle. Big Piles – for finally laying a trail where no one got lost and where we actually found all the beer. Voting was close but it was a unanimous decision for Cainus!
Cainus! cleansed the vessel and cleared it for the new recipient. This was done accordingly with Happy Valley protocol and tradition. However the new recipient, ah, that being Cainus! broke with all protocols and wore a hat into the circle. This resulted in another down down. Song Sung was, “Rollback”
FRB for the trail was Just Phillip. DFL was Anti-Cock, FBI was Gag Me.
Overachieving was: Just Phillip for running earlier in the day. Also overachieving was Sodom Me for doing pullups on one of the stations along the GCC physical fitness trail.
Song sung was, “Hashers, meet the Hashers”
Backsliders: Just Pat and Gag Me! Song sung,”Them. F#ck Them!”
Shortcutters: Anti-Cock & Big Piles.
Lost Shit/Stolen Shit: Big Piles & Comes On Vacation. Song Sung was Mrs. Murphy and BP was beat by a girl.
Using a Port-a-Potty on trail: Gag Me! & when one pe’er drinks, they all drink so AC had to do one too.
“Flutter’s, errah,…Marquis’ Gay!!!!!!!” – Hey I just write ’em down, it was shouted by somebody…
Next we did a rendition of Van Morrison’s Moonshadow, Moonshadow, why? I have no idea, ya see it was Genny Cream Ale buzz…
Then we did hash announcements, which I forgot to write down but I believe there was mention made of the Penguin Plunge, The next Happy Valley Hash in two weeks on January 27th??? and the next SRFMH on Feb.2nd and of a road trip to the Charlottesville, VA hash the first weekend in March. Also the Halve Meins are still running weeknights.
Okay, then it was Hash Religion.
BUT THE ODDYSSY CONTINUED!!!!!!
The ON – IN was gonna be at the People’s Pint on Federal Street, but when we got there it was gonna be closed for another fifteen minutes, but luckily(????) for us Jiggs Tavern was just around the corner and they was open.
Jiggs is a quintessential dive bar on a back street in G-Funk. We were the only people there. I was the first at the bar so I ordered 8 shots of Cuervo. And from there things detiorated ( I have no idea how to spell that word) rapidly. There were pitchers, bawdy and loud hash songs, more shots & pitchers of beer, popcorn, pizza, Just Phillip puking in the bathroom, then crawling into a ball on the floor of the bathroom. We had to step over him to use the urinal. We drank our wallets dry. Gag Me and COV grabbed their significant other’s cash to try to stop the tequila induced Madness.Then Dewey yanked me out of the fray. Somehow I remembered my bag in Big Piles’ car so we reterned to Jiggs. But everyone was gone? So we returned to the parking lot and spotted CL 7 COV turning into the front door of the People’s Pint. We went in there, I think had a drink, then we left. There is a spotty memory of Sushi and Chinese food after that but then its all about the ahngover this morning. Oh yeah and the wretched Eagles lost to the Saints. There was football game on the TV at Jiggs but I’ll be damned if that is anything other than a fuzzy memory.
Your Dilirious & Hungover Scribble,
HVH3 # 175
“The Conway School of Shiggy Design”
January 27th, 2007
off Fields Hill Road, a dirt schwag off Whately Road.
Mid to Upper 20s F. Bright Sun, High Clouds. Later – 35% Illumination after Dark.
Happy Valley No. 175
Somewhere in the wilds of Conway, Mass. Remember Tim Conway? He was pretty darn good as the Ensign to Ernest Borgnine’s McHale, Conway of course went on to the Carol Burnett Show in the 70’s but it was as his bumbling sidekick to McHale always waylaying the evil plans of Capt. Binghamton that he is most remembered, unless of course yer too young to remember the original broadcasts of McHale’s Navy, because the one done with Frazier in the lates 90’s or was it early 2000’s?, just wasn’t as good. I never really understood why PT 73 was transferred from the South Pacific to Italy in later episodes, but I digress…So anyway, we circled the wagons at Just Pat’s off Fields Hill Road, just a little dirt pathway off Whately Road in Conway, oops, why did they ever discontinue that show anyway? We were greeted by a big friendly dog, Asia as her name turned out to be, and by a blazing pile of wood 3-4 feet tall with flames shooting skyward.
It was a bright brisk day in contrast to the previous two days of below zero madness, ya know they never had below zero days in the South Pacific!, but anyway, we mustered up some brews and then the pack gathered for the chalk talk by the hares. Oh yeah, the hares…
Hares: Just Pat & Gag Me…
The Pack: Comes On Vacation, Cainus Lickus, Big Piles, Anti-Cock, Dewey Do Me!, Just Mike No. 1 ( 2nd Hash ), Just Todd ( 2nd hash ) Hand Job?, Mr.Hankey, Mother’s Little Douche Bag, Cajonas, Wetspot, Purdy Mouth, Just John( 3rd Hash ) & Just Maribeth ( 2nd hash)
The Visitors: Dr. Queer, Prickly Bush, PF’er, Nice Snatch, Amazon.Cum, Friar F#ck, Hare Club for Queers, Poptop/Dairy Queen/Dairy Queer, Tubslut, You’re A Peeing Whore, Wee Willy.
Virgins: Yea, we got to dement virgins, Just Tyfanny, Just Matthew, Just Elizabeth Halve Meins All,
The Hares chalk talked around the blazing fire, well actually the initial blaze was flaring because Just Pat had drenched the pile o’ logs with gallons of 87 octane accelerant, so by the time the chalk talk started it was a smoldering, smoky pile of logs. The hares explained their marks and made a reference to 7 beer checks. Hmmm???? Wasted away again on a Happy Valley trail…Oops – I’m sorry, they did explain that “BN” could mean beverage or booze check.
Then they was off – asking for only a 6.9 minute cranium start. They ran off the butte and down into a little valley and across a barbed wire enclosed field, what us, watching them make their escape? Nah, Never, Ya can’t prove it, – just hearsay. or heresy or sumptin.
Instead of the usual Father Birmingham or Joe from the button factory , we got down on our knees and prayed to the fire gods to restart the fire. We huffed, puffed and stuff, no not Puff ‘n Stuff, he wasn’t there, we blew the fire, but it just smoldered and smoked some more.
Then we commenced on trail. Oh yeah, BTW, Hash hounds were: Face F#cker, Zuni, whose new hash name I don’t recall, and La La, semi-permanent Halve Mein visitor from East Greenbush, NY – by way now of Wendell.
Trail crossed over Fields Hill Road into an old barbed wire enclosed pasture. It meandered south easterly thru a semi frozen swampy area, crossed over a mostly frozen brook and then later recrossed the brook and followed a stone wall. For the middle of nowhere this was an impressive stone wall. It was higher than beltline and in really good shape. Soon the trail came to a corner in the wall,and we had to lift the hash hounds over the snow covered stones. Trail then proceeded up a small hill into an area that had been logged in the not too distant past. I should mention here that throughout the day, trail was encumbered by shin high or higher sticker bushes. Luckily since we mostly dressed for the cold weather, we all had on long pants, sweats or stuff that kept our legs from getting ripped up.
Trail followed some skidder trails and went up & down a few times, crossed some more partially frozen streams and then followed a grown over trail to of all things a dilapidated log cabin. It looked like something a kid on LSD made out of big Lincoln Logs, but that was salvation!!! Uh Hunh! Beercheck No.1. Amen. Just Pat explained that the very rustic cabin had been a project built by DA kids back in the 70’s.
Beercheck beer was Long Trail Ale and R&R lite. It was just cold enough that the beer was freezing up in the bottles.
So then we was off in pursuit of BC No. 2. Trail was really picturesque, passing frozen waterfalls, ponds, semi-cleared areas, beaver ponds, and all kinds of terrain features. Soon enough we came to a frozen beaver pond. Now, it had been zero or below for a couple of days before the hash, so everything was frozen over, but up until last week we were still enjoying a long stretch of very mild temps of 50’s and 60’s with occasional 70’s thrown in. So frozen is a relative term here. But luckily trail went along the top of the beaver dam, it was kinda like walking a tightrope over a stream. Soon trail followed a logging trail to a dirt road and a very recently cleared housing lot. Trail then zipped behind said lot crossed over some more streams and after a long arduous loop crossing some swamps and stuff to beverage & beer check no. 2. Just before said check was a pretty wide semi-frozen stream that took some creativity to cross, but was managed by all to be done dry. Beverage Check no. 2 was Peppermint Schnapps and beer. Some people were beginning to get chilled by now, and daylight was waxing, although the approaching full moon was providing some illum too, so it was decided to cut trail short and hightail it back to A.
The pack spread out and climbed a steep hill on Fields Hill Road back to Just Pat’s. Some wankers chose to accept a ride from the beercheck recovery vehicle and were later chastised with a down down for auto-hashing. [ Yer scribe was guilty of that]
Back at A, our pre-trail huffing and puffing had paid off because the fire pile was blazing! I was actually pretty hot and shed a few layers but most folks were freezing and huddled close to the blaze.
All the usual down downs were downed, by those incriminated. FBI was COV, FRB was Cainus, and DFL was me by a long shot. Hares were emasculated in the usual fashion, trail sucked, it was too balmy out, not enough ice, shiggy, schnapps, ice in beers, stonewalls, flour hash, tittie checks, etc.
Virgin Tyfanny’s favorite sexual position is sandwiched between Virgin Matthew and Virgin Elizabeth. Atta Girl, you cum on back now any time, ya hear? Virgin Matthew’s favorite barnyard animal is a greased Yak. And not only would Virgin Elizabeth stay on the bus, but she’d, “Drive it on Home!” Woo Hoo, ya just can’t make this shit up! Theodore Geisler shoulda done a book on hashing, could’ve called it, ” And I saw it All on Trail, On On!”
“FLUTTER’S NOT GAY!!!! Marquis’ Gay.”
Backsliders, Visitors and shit were called on to do their thing and they did.
Next up was a naming for Just Pat, one of hares and host for the day.
Just Pat is a artist when it cums to woodcraft, having custom built his magnificent home, and lots of its furnishings. He is also a Karate Black Belt Sensai.
He was not named: “Audrey Hepburn Pretty”, “Good Wood”, “Sake Shit”, “Sushi Boy”, “Pearl Harbor Necklace”, or “Feng Gay.” He was named, “Phuc Shui” ( Phonetically the first part is evident, the second part is pronounced “Sh-way” )
Some folks were still freezing even though they were practically humping the fire, so we did a quick version of Hash religion and headed, who said Head? back into the house to marvel at the incredible fireplace which threw out more heat than the Enola Gay did on a certain August morning in 1945. We chowed on some firy chili that Gag Me made and gorged ourselves on warm corn bread. Then we wallowed back into the inferno known as the living room and people started to drop like flies from the soothing and sleepy effects of a day in the cold followed by chow, beers and a roaring fireplace fire.
Boston has their Robbie Burns hash today.
The Halve Meins are doing a “Backwards Hash” on weds night in Albanyland.
The Penguin Plunge up in Hurlington is soon.
Some Happy Valley folks are road tripping the first weekend in March ti invade Flutters New hash in Virginia – If ya wanna go TELL US!
Rumson’s Commotion by the Ocean 2 is in May and the rego is open.
Stinko de Mayo near Harrisburg Rego is open.
The Next Shay’s Rebellion Full Moon Hash will be this Friday, Feb. 2nd. To be held in Northampton, details TBA.
Shays Rebellion Full Moon Hash No. 9
Friday night, Febrewary 2nd, 2007
Location: Downtown Northampton, Massachusetts
Sir Cums Alot, Burning Bush, Just Nick, Just Beer – oops errah – Just Peter, Big Piles, Comes On Vacation, Cainus Lickus, Yeasty Boy, Gag Me w/ Yer Resurrection, Phuc Shui, Tubslut, Bobhead, uh oh! I’m forgetting somebody. There were 14 people on the trail, and that’s just 13 names. ( see below for No.14’s name)
So this was gonna be a trail of beer checks and a big Japanese theme hot tub at East Heaven, but East Heaven was being a wanker and wouldn’t allow more than eight people in this huge friggin tub.So plans were changed and this hash turned into a huge pub crawl.
Trail was pre-laid. When I first got on I-91 South in South Deerfield / Whately there were occasional snow flakes and it was like, “Oh, did I just see a snow flake?” Then when I stopped to get down down beer at the Big Y Wines & Liquor Shoppe, I called Dewey. While I talked to her it became, “Hey, it’s starting to snow here!”
Then I parked near Packards, and it was practically a white out snow squall, except it wasn’t brief it went on for hours!!! I pre-laid trail from bar to bar. The chalk was almost immediately dissolved by snow and wetness. Flour was outta the question. I stopped for a pint at Tully O’Reillys before heading back to A.
At Packards, the cast gathered and consumed some delicious brews. UH, No. 14 was Just Filip!!! It just came back to me, because we were telling war stories from Big Pile’s last hash. When everybody showed, or at least the ones we really suspected would show, we went outside for a chalk talk.
I explained that trying to follow trail in this snowsquall was gonna be difficult at best. So we offically just made the evening a pub crawl. The snow was really cumming down hard and fast. He,He, he said, “Hard and fast.” It was announced that the first stop was gonna be the Taoisted Owl. ( Yeah, I know – It’s the Toasted Owl, but hey, it was Northampton afterall) While there Gag me & Phuc Shui suggested The Dirty Truth, which is the name of the bar opened by the people who own the Moan & Dove. So we went there next and consumed massive quanititties of good beer and bar munchies.
From there we skipped the next stop, which was gonna be Smokin Lil’s, but we did go to Tully O’Reilly’s. Once there we drank copius quantitties of beer, ate Chicken Wing thingys, played old fashioned pinball and then watched Bobhead and Tubslut have a snowball fight outside in the middle of Pleasant Street.
Next was skipping the Tunnel bar and instead craniumming over to the Cajonas Mammorial Pub, aka Ye Olde Watering Hole. On the way there we all had a huge running snowball fight. The evening degenerated from there unless after I left people continued the evenings festivities.
The ride home sucked! Rte 47 in Sunderland hadn’t been plowed yet and was really slippery with about 4″ of snow and slush on it. North Leverett Road wasn’t plowed and cars were in stream beds and ditches and you could see where people had slid off the road. Amazingly, Shutesbury and Wendell had both plowed (for once) and the ride past Lake Wyola and thru Wendell wasn’t bad.
The next day, saturday, Bobhead & I scouted trail for an Emily Dickinson themed hash, tentaively scheduled for Saturday, March 24th, 2007.
Next Full Moon hash on or about Saturday, March 3rd. Any takers for hare? Me, CL, and COV will be in Virginia crashing Flutterby’s new hash – cHarlottesville.
HVH3 Hash No. 176
Hash No. 176
Sunday, March 11, 2007
The start was at our old stomping’em down grounds at the Moan & Dove in South Amherst. The hare was C.O.V. It was kind of a nice day. The snow and ice were melting creating slushy shiggy everywhere.
The pack consisted of: Cainus Lickus, Doggie Dominatrix, Anti-Cock, Big Piles, and Hand Job?
Hash Hounds included: Titan, Hash Virgin Fury ( Only 8 weeks old and hashing already!, although I think Col. Mustard was younger on his first hash) and resident visiting hash hound, the Halve Meiner herself, La La.
We hoisted a few brewskis and nibbled on some peanuts from the barrel while we waited for Big Piles and Hand Job? Sodom Me! was on his way but then must’ve called the hare and bailed out. Some notables are still spiraling outta control, falling into backslider emeritus status. You know who you are and there is bourbon lurking in the shadows!!!!
We circled at about 1505HRs and the hare axed for a 6.9 minute cranium start. She acted like she had no idea where to go, but that was probably just a ruse.
We sang Father Birmingham and such. Then we were off. Trail started with a check right at the edge of the parking lot. Now, believe it or not this actually threw us off for about 15 minutes! We couldn’t seem to find trail anywhere we looked. We saw 1 mark, but couldn’t find any others. Eventually we just went east and found trail.
We came to some checks but soon followed trail onto a trail along a stream marked “KC” trail. This trail went south then jiggled east through a snowy slushy field. Soon enough we came to a small, but raging brook. It was just a little too far to leap, as was demonstrated by DD. I didn’t see her fall but apparently she was the days first hash crash. HJ? and I and La La circumvented the brook, but not before seeing Cainus take a spectacular whirling back flop/crash into some water on his back. I guess that was hash crash No. two for the day.
Trail continued slipping and sliding thru the slushy stuff, under and over rusty barbed wire until we came to beercheck No.1 just off ( I heard somebody say) Pomeroy Lane?
Trail then went westerly and then jogged onto some dead end before entering the backyard of Kamel Hassan’s Mattress store. I was DFL at this point and came around the corner of the store to hear old Kamel pissing and moaning about walking thru his backyard. F#ck Hymn!!!! I have bought matresses there before BUT NEVER AGAIN!!!!! Dick!!!
So they we went north on Rte 116 but we never saw hash marks again. We returned to the start. Cainus called the hare. Apparently we missed half of the trail, oops!
We met the hare behind a barn at some golf course and it was there that we did the closing circle.
Things that were said, but not necessarily in order:
What did you think of today’s trail? F#ck the Camel Jockey Dick head Ratbastard!
Hare Song: SH#TTYTRAIL
FRB, FBI, in order CL, HJ? Why Were They Born…
DFL – AC, There Was A Little Bird…
New Mothers??? DD Hashers Meet The Hashers…
Latecummers HJ? & Big Piles Phuc Hu
Shortcutters ( Everyone) “Social” Us, Us, Phuc Us
Cainus – Hash Crash, DD Hash Crash Its A Hi Hi Hee In the Kotex Factory…
Cainus- “For Life” ( Nom: by COV)
COV- I didn’t catch why? Oh yeah, it had something to do with backchecks??? ( Nom: by CL)
DD- Because she was scantily clad ( Nom: by HJ?)
DD got it! True Blue Hasher song
Saturday March 24th, 1400 HRS at Amherst Common. An Emily Dickinson Mammorial hash.
NURD cumming soon, May 2007.
Religion and then the On In was at the Moan & Dove.
Some of us may be spotted at the ABC on Thursday night starting at about 6 p.m.
Hash #180 something
I don’t have time for a real trash right now, so I’m just gonna write out some quick notes for a forthcumming real trash.
Who Came: Comes On Vacation, Cainus Lickus, Big Piles, Purdy Mouth, Dewey Do Me!, NFN Stephanie, Anti-Cock – The Hare
Where: Montague Plains Hash 17 MAY 07 1800HRS SP
On In: Millers Falls Pub, Millers Falls
Stuff said of note: NFN Stephanie, Is an “atheletic supporter” for UCONN, she also said something about a previous tag of, “Ghetto Booty”
Hash Hounds present: Zuni, Face F#cker, La La, Jaws The Stick Killer.
Hash Beer last night: Narragannsett, Bud Light
Next Regular Hash: Two weeks, Cainus will Hare:
Next Happy Valley Hash will be next friday night at the GM’s lair in Shutesbury, the Snatchazon Wedding /Fare Thee Well Hash. Which starts a Memorial Day Weekend marathon of hashes, followed by one at Seacoast on saturday, Burlington on sunday and Albany on Monday.
Happy Valley Hash #184 | Shay’s Rebellion Full Moon Hash #11
A.K.A. Cainus’s Birthday Hash
Happy Valley No. 184 and Shay’s Rebellion FMH No. 11
This was also a “Once in a Blue Moon” hash.
When: Thursday night May 31st, 2007
Where: Cushman Center, near North Amherst right along the Amtrak RR tracks.
Hare: Cainus Lickus
The Pack: Comes On Vacation, Big Piles, Hand Job?, Just Stephanie ( Hash No. 3), Purdy Mouth, Anti-Cock.
Really Latecummers: Insignificant Digit & Sodom Me!
The Hare gathered the faithful starting at 1800Hrs as the skies flashed and growled and spat precipitation in copius amounts. But the hash gods were just messing with us because the clouds parted just as the hare’s explanation of trail markings commenced. He announced there’d be the usual markings as well as some BC’s (back checks). He then asked for a standard 6.9 minute cranium lead.
The RA, COV led the rabble in Father Birmingham. Then we was off in pursuit of the hare and his stashes of supposedly good, cold brews. Trail proceeded southerly along the iron rails out of Cushman Center. Soon enough trail crossed a little moat along the tracks and scurried through some dense underbrush before recrossing the tracks and clambering up a short but steep grade. Trail then crossed over Henry Street and ran up into the trail network at the foot of the “Flat Hills.” This AO was the scene most recently of a Sodom Me! trail last summer.
The FRBs, some marathoners and some speedier types dashed through this network, those of us at the back of the pack, okay, it was just me, missed a check that was placed on some wet leaves. This facked up the DFL as I checked forward, backwards, sideways and all ways except the right way until all other possibilities were exhausted. I must’ve wasted ten minutes looking for trail. By the time I found true trail the rest of the pack was on their second beer at the first beercheck, where I soon met them.
The check consisted of some true to form good beers, IPAs, Speckled Hens etc.
As a slower than slow terrapin, I meandered off first figuring I would soon be passed by the FRBs. Trail led off the beercheck to a check on Market Hill Road. True trail went across the street and uphill towards the power lines. The was a titcheck startegically placed just shy of Cushman Brook. I took a rock climbing descent towards the brook and then crossed the brook over some slippery moss covered stones. As I began to go under the bridge I climbed over a boulder to discover a false mark. False is not what I yelled back to the pack, although what I yelled did start with an “F” !!!
I climbed the abuttment alongside the bridge to see the tail end of the pack cross East Leverett Road and enter the trail network of the Robert Frost Trail system on the other side of the RR bridge above Cushman Brook.
There was soon a Turkey / Eagle split which led to the hare at beercheck number two under the RR bridge. Most of the pack opted for the turkey which took a gradual descent twoards the brook which also had to be crossed. However, Purdy Mouth took the Eagle which apparently he did in a controlled crash on his ass down a rock face covered in mud and wet leaves. It was pretty much a vertical descent straight into the water.
Again, good beers were despoiled in Viking-like manner.
The skies began to darken and hash marks were getting hard to discern, but after the trail went down thru the middle of the brook, trail crossed over and after a brief “Charlie Foxtrot” went along the trail alongside the tracks, past the pheasant farm and back out into Cushman Center.
We circled back at the start.
Hare was toasted with beer.
The Birthday Boy was toasted & feted.
Over achievers, Cainus (for doing 4 out of 5 weekend Snatchazon hashes), also Just Stephanie for doing a Burlington Marathon.
Racing on trail, me and Purdy Mouth for trying to see who would be First In.
Pissed on sneakers, and some other stuff, backsliders-Hand Job? and some other stuff.
Announcements: Next Happy Valley hash is June 14th. COV will hare, rumoured to be somewhere east along Rte 9 perhaps.
Kasperkill 2 is that following weekend. Next Shays Rebellion will be on the next full moon in June, TBA.
Comments on trail that should be remembered for a possible naming of Just Stephanie:
“I have a little keg of pee, right here, and it needs to be tapped”
oh no! I thinc the cay cey is brocen, uh oh!
Oh Yeah, PS – The On In was at Mike’s Westview aka The Harp in No. Amherst. We had a few pitchers of Guiness, and of course Blue Moon and munchies and stuff, then COV presented Cainus with a chocolate birthday cake. We started singing the hasher birthday song and the rest of the bar joined in on the chorus. Insignificant Digit and Sodom Me! met us there. ( re: Mike’s, cake and aka – The k key is woiking again)
HVH3 No. 184 or something
June 14th, 2007
At a boat launch on the Swift River off Cold Spring Road, Belchertown, Mass.
Virgin Hashing Grounds
Hare: Comes On Vacation
“A Live Trail” A to A style.
Big Piles, Anti-Cock, Cainus Lickus, Just Stephanie ( 4th Hash ), I Eat Cum, Titanic Tea Bag.
The Hounds assembled at the pre-arranged hour but for some reason a few people were running late, so we waited for the latecummers.The start was beside the crystal clear waters of the Swift River. Some kids were diving off the bridge as we sipped some cold brews from I Eat Cum’s cooler.
Eventually all showed and off went the hare. The pack did Father Birmingham after introductions. This was I Eat Cum’s first Happy Valley Hash. He is a transplant from the Okinawa H3, but is originally from the Happy Valley A.O. Coincidentally, we also had Titanic Tea Bag from the Okinawa H3. He traveled to No. 184 with Just Stephanie. He is from Connecticut and like Just Stephanie would also like to restart the Hartfart H3.
Trail proceeded west on Cold Spring Road then turned into a wooded trail network. Soon enough we came upon beercheck No. 1.
Following some twists and turns and some decent checks for a live haring, we ran around a swampy area and then trail climbed up into a hilltop meadow. The meadow had excellant panoramic views and a nice breeze. Just before I ( DFL of course! ) got to the meadow I saw Titanic Teabag. He said he thought he’d seen the hare so he ran around the backside of the swamp to try and catch her.
While atop the meadow and enjoying the serenity and views I thought I could hear the far-off call of, “Beer Here!!!!” The sound traveled quite a distance, perhaps 3/4 mile. Eventually I rejoined the pack at beercheck no. 2. No. 2 was at some sort of wildlife management area cabin.
Trail resumed but we soon lost the FRBs, Cainus, Titanic Tea Bag and I Eat Cum. Somehow they missed a turn in the trail and went as far as Rte 9??? True trail went south back to “A”.
At the circle we did a bunch of accusations and stuff but the biggest quandry was what to name Just Stephanie. There were alot of funny names proposed, but I handed the list off to the hare so she’ll have to update this trash, because it was left undecided when everybody left for the On In at McCarthy’s on Belchertown Common.
Next hash in two weeks. ( June 28th )
Next Shays Rebellion Full Moon Hash on saturday, June 30th in Northfield. Anti-Cock and Purdy Mouth will co-hare.
IEC Productions presents: ” A Hash in Ludlow”
July 12, 2007
Bridle Lane off Rte 21 in Ludlow.
Hare: I Eat Cum 🙂
The Pack: Anticock, Comes On Vacation, Cainus Lickus, Big Piles, Virgin Italian Pisser.
Visitor: SpankBank from the Halve Meins.
The hash started at 1800 hrs more or less, at the end of Bridle Lane. ( I think that was the name of the street) The hare graciously pre-lubed the first few hashers there with cold cans of PBR. Luckily the hot, muggy weather had broken for this hash and it was quite pleasant and in the 70’s with a breeze.
The hare explained his strange marks, for example: a check was a check symbol ( which I cannot find a way to type in dammit!) [ Like a checklist check…] a false symbol was a “BT” meaning bad trail, anyway you get the idea, weird and new symbols.
The trail was supposedly live hared so he got his 6.9 minute cranium start.
We did introductions and then did a warm up with Father Birmingham.
The pack moseyed onto the trail which was a sort of horse trail and easy to follow. It meandered awhile then switch backed at one point under some power wires. after about a mile (?) we came to beer check number one which was surrounded by a moat. Most everybody managed to stay dry, but I somehow sludged thru the slime.
Soon enough we were back on trail under another set of power lines and gradually we gained some altitude. Trail went into some woods and opened at beercheck number two onto a small campsite, where the FRB Spankbank had created a small campfire in a fire pit that was already there. We doused our thirsts and watched as some C-130’s buzzed the campsite as they took off from nearby Westover Field.
We then doused the campfire and returned on trail. After getting back on trail we came to a strange hash mark. It was an arrow with a D and a A on the line. We were stumped as to it’s meaning. We thought, Hmmmm? Dicks and Ass check? Drunks and Ass check? We couldn’t figure that one out so we crunched thru some Raspberry bushes and other thorny things then trail emerged to a check. At this check, I checked right for about 150 yards seeing two hash marks ( which the Hare calls “Chads”) but then I heard a “ON ON” called from behind me. This led to a catch up with the pack situation ( not one of my specialties) but then it turned into a long false. The way in which I first headed [yeah I said it] was the true trail.
Trail continued up a hill ( under power lines) then made a left into the woods and a trail network. After about 3/4 of a mile it came to beercheck number three which was also the closing circle.
I didn’t write any of this down, so in no certain order:
– Hare in the circle, usual stuff.
– FBI – VIP, FRB – Cainus, DFL – AC in the circle. ( Three people right? VIP was whining, “Why am I all alone in the circle?” a math thing I guess)
– Other stuff. Visitor, Blood On Trail, yadda yadda…
Hartford Revival Hash this saturday at 2 p.m. at She Snips It State Park at Soapstone Mountain, Stafford, CT. ( Off Hazardville Road )
Next Shays Rebellion Full Moon Hash, oh why not, Sunday, July 29th at AC’s Farm in Wendell. How often can you hare a Full Moon on yer B-Day?
Yeasty Boy’s Hash in Shirley on August 18th, Camp over and weiny roast or something. Beer, ummm, beer.
SRFMH #14? | HVH3 #186 or 187 | Hartford #103
Shay’s rebellion/HVH3/Hartford/Sodom Me & Purdy Mouth’s going away hashes
Sunday, July 29th, 2007
So we had a hash to commemorate a Full Moon, Anticoch’s birthday, Sodom Me’s leaving for New York and Purdy Mouth’s leaving for Oregon. Hartford also made the hash their official hash.
Hare: Purdy Mouth’s Virgin Lay.
At AC’s and Dewey Do Me’s farm in Wendell.
Titanic Tea Bag, Marquis de Brokeback, Sodom Me!, Virgin Andy, Pig F#cker, Friar F#ck, Just Greg, I Eat Cum, Virgin Italian Pisser, Anticoch, Dewey Do Me!, Super Chicken.
Hash Hounds: Shitty Trail, Ellie and La La.
This was Purdy Mouth’s virgin lay and his last appearance at a Happy Valley hash as he is moving to Oregon. This was also a hash to honor Sodom Me’s departure for points south as he starts a new career in NY. July 29th was also your scribe’s birthday as well as a full moon. Hartford made this their official hash as well.
Folks assembled at the farm at 1700HRs. Halve Mein visitor, Pf’er guest RA’ed after the previous RA, which was yours truly, remembered he had to go put out beercheck number three. Father Birmingham was done, as well as Joe from the Button Factory. But when Virgin Andy or was it Just Greg was called on first for a body part he said, “tongue” so it was very fast warm up song. As I was gone for a couple of minutes VIP took notes. Her footnote to “Joe From The Button Factory” reads: “Looked like a field trip for retarded kids” Well done.
So, Purdy Mouth explained his hash marks for the benefit of Virgin Andrew and the rest of the pack. He then asked for a 6.9 minute cranium start. Somebody at this point let the word “head” slip out, so we sang it.
Trail went across the fields past the llama, chickens and horses. People went thru gates and fences and proceeded down the old logging trail and on to beercheck number one at an old porcupine’s den under a big boulder. his was also a songcheck. Here we stopped and guzzled a case of Blue Moon and sang a few ditties.
Trail next proceeded down thru some dense shiggy across a stream and to a point besides a huge beaver dam and a beaver pond. Here was beverage check number two. Apparently the hare had asked Burning Bush for advice about beverage checks so of course the beverages were blackberry brandy and Jack Daniels. Visions of a long ago beverage check at about this same spot brought back memories of carrying Gag Me out of the woods and of a “wounded” Skirt Chaser, blurry memories at best, except that we have them on film.
Trail then proceeded towards beercheck number three. The pack dispersed at this time. Some FRBs losing trail and back tracking all the way back to the farm before they were turned around by Dewey Do Me! who was being Hash Wench, cranking out burgers sausage and corn on the cob for later. ( A Big Thanks Dewey!)
The rest of pack went back and forth on a side trail before realizing the only way to the beer was to crash thru some thick stands of Mountain Laurel and low bush blueberries. Trail emerged at AC’s boatyard where a huge “BH” was found. Beer here was PBR, Budweiser, and Chub or something in cans.
Trail then led back to “A” along Locke Village Road.
PF’er graciously RA’ed and demented our virgin. Virgin Andrew was made to cum by Sodom Me! He did all the usual stuff plus the All You Can Eat under a Buck question.
Next in was the hare, who had disappeared for awhile but then came back out for circle. Comments on his trail included:
Too Many Falses, Not Enough Falses, Too much woods, He’s a chocolate statfish, yer witchy way was backwards, Too many cocks, too many beavers, not enough Jack Daniels.
At this point I was having way too hard of a time trying to write down notes and keep up with what was going on. So loosely here it goes:
FRB was Sodom Me, FBI was VIP, they did a bare back to back hand shake down down.
Dead Ass Last was,,, the hare! He was sung Old McDonald had a whale…then was sprayed by a pack of blowholes. Yuck…
Hash Crashes went to VIP and incredibly the Hare. He was taking off from the Jack daniels check when he leaped up on a downed pine tree and yelled, “Shiggy This Way!!!!!!” Then he fell, twisting every which way but somehow not spearing himself amongst all the broken, sharp branches.
Just Greg was cited for spewing on trail shortly after the start.
It was decided to name Just Greg. Almost immediately the name Jimmy Crack Whore came up and I don’t remember hearing any other names mentioned. So he was annointed and is now, “Jimmy Crack Whore”.
There was a Hashit Trifecta as three hash were ready for awarding. The Shays Rebellion Hash Shit went to I Eat Cum, (I think), I don’t remember who got the other two, but the HVH3 hashit is still in my possession.
We then chowed on BBQ stuff and birthday cake.
The evening progressed to a point of total inebriation. The hot tub finally spewed out it’s contents after Dewey threw in the towel about 11:oo p.m. and asked for some quiet time.
Thanks to everybody who came to send off Sodom Me! and Purdy Mouth.
Oh Yeah, Purdy Mouth was given a bottle of Tullamore Dew as a going away present and Sodom Me! we have a bottle of Jack Daniels that I forgot to hand you before you left. It will be safely kept here until your next return.
Somewhat still dazed and confused,
next Happy Valley hash should be on or about August 9th. Yeasty Boy is having a campout hash August 18th in Shirley.
Happy Valley #192
Happy Valley # 192 or “Big Piles’ Return to his Lost Trail”
Date: Thursday Night, September 6th, 2007
Hare: Big Piles
The Start: Parking Lot # 12 at the UMASS Amherst Campus.
Weather: Nice!!!!! Sunny then an orangey-glowing sunset with temps going from a humid upper 80’s to a comfortable upper 70’s while we were hashing.
Just Phillip, Comes On Vacation, Cainus Lickus, Sir Cums Alot, Anti-Cock, and Halve Mein Hash Hound “Laurel & Hardly Running.”
Latecummer: Hand Job?
At the start, the hare proceeded to sprinkle blue “IKEA anthrax” all over the parking lot so he could explain his hash marks. ( Okay by using the word “anthrax” I’ve now expanded the people reading our hash trash to dozens of Homeland Security, FBI, NSA, CIA and ARNG HAZMAT intel analysts. So to all you eavesdroppers out there, come on out to our next hash on Thursday night, September 20th. We could use a boost in numbers! )
Anyway, the hare showed us possible backchecks, witchy-ways, YBFs, and regular hash marks & checks. And of course the most important check, BN ( Beer Near ) He also explained we’d see at least two BNs while on trail. One last thing he mentioned was the importance of the Number Three, three being all powerful, all subscribing, the number of the beast, was three and to keep that in mind, especially if we went indoors following little orange dots instead of the blue powdery hash marks.
The hare also mentioned that his lunch break was interuppted by something or other so he didn’t get a chance to dead hare the trail, so this one was gonna be live hared. Most of us in the pack hadn’t seen each other for almost two months, so we generously gave the hare something like a half hour cranium start so we could get caught up with each other, especially since COV and CL had just returned from Puerta Vallarta’s Inter-Americas Hash and we wanted to hear all the tales of drunken debauchery.
When an appropriate amount of time had passed, Just Phillip got antsy and stirred us to action. We began following said “IKEA Anthrax” in this case flour & blue carpenters chalk, and proceeded easterly towards the assfault road that the Mullins Center is on. Trail went down a grassy slope past the drainage pipe where we had the Beaver Beer Check about a year ago. Then trail went behind the Mullins Center and over towards the soccer fields. It was here that we found beercheck number one at a parking lot attendants booth. This is where we watched the nice orange sunset. Trail then went along the edge of the Mullins Center before crossing over the street onto the center of the campus. We milled around by a check at a construction site before spotting real trail which required climbing over some big exposed steam pipes. Trail then went uphill near the old Used Book Annex. We then followed trail into a building and went down a short hallway before re-emerging into a courtyard. There in the courtyard a bunch of young coeds oogled the cute little hash mutt, Laurel. Ahhh, hashing on UMASS with a cute little dog – such a babe magnet!
Anyway, at this point yer scribe saw the pack cruising south away from the library which I thought for sure was where real trail was gonna involve a beer check in the stacks. How appropriate right? Beer check ala Big Piles in the Big Stacks… plus we thought we’d run into Just Newt, who hash hashed we us before and is stationed near the main doors to the library. So, as the pack, as I eventually found out, ran a huge circle jerk towards The SouthWest Residence towers, I turned left and walked with Laurel up to the Library. Not surprisingly I found trail marks and started to follow them. But alas, they did not go into the library, but went across campus into the old part of the Student Center. I thought the rest of the pack would soon be passing me, not realizing they had been led on a long clusterf#ck around campus! So feeling a little funny about having a hash hound on a leash in a school building I proceeded into the student center. We started following orange hash dots thru hallways and down stairwells and thru a labyrinth of tunnels, thru a loading dock and up an elevator. Laurel and I soon emerged into the lobby of the Campus Center Hotel. We got a raised eyebrow from the desk clerk and concierge but we just meandered on out the main doors.
Trail went along a walkway and then there was a check. I checked north, east, & west but was stymied for quite awhile as to which way was true trail. After about 15 minutes the rest of the pack showed up and was also stymied looking for true trail. Eventually Just Phillip spotted true trail going down a set of stairs which led to an underground faculty & staff parking lot. It was here that we found our hare and beer check number two and the end of the trail. Beer was Opa-Opa Red Amber. Cainus mentioned that their head brewer used to be the brewer for Maplewood Farms Brewery. Good Stuff!
After the beer check the pack walked down to the start for the closing circle.
I didn’t write down all the stuff, but I’ll attempt to do this from memory: Hmmmm???? I know people did down downs for something or other, oh yeah, the hare did the customary one…ah…hmmmm….I got the hash shit for something like traditions sake.We sang some hash songs. And then there was announcements. Next HVH3 hash will be a Thursday night September 20th, Wendell hash, exact details we be e-mailed some time next week. Preliminary Anti-Buffet IV indicate it’ll be early December at Smugglers Crotch, VT. The Halve Meins are Hashing Saturday, Sept 22 and it’s a birthday suit hash or something, I think it’s a DaPitts hash. That is also a weekend close to COV & Dewey’s birthday on the 26th. ( Which I’ve heard is also Lickalotapuss’s B-Day???or is it AHH’s?)
Yadda Yadda, then there was hash religion, then we went to the Harp for the On After. Where we had more beer, chow, and a band played. That’s when the latecummer, Hand Job? came.
ps Did anybody else puke on the morning after? Was it the beer or the deep fried Irish Nachos???
Happy Valley Hash # 192 or so
Thursday Night, September 20th, 2007
Start: Behind the new Drunkin’ Donuts near the intersection of Rte 9 and University Drive, aka the Big Y parking lot in Amherst, or is it Hadley? I can never tell unless I go and check to see what aisle I’m in…
The Hare: Me, the dude writing this crock of lies up. ( AC)
The Pack: Have A Tit for Humanity ( Really, she was there, I’m not making that up) Marquis De Brokeback, okay now I know you think I’m shittin’ you, but really, he was there too!!!! Comes On Vacation, Cainus Lickus, Sir Cums Alot, Just Phillip – who although he cums alot, we still call Just Phillip, by the way Did you know he got AIDS at the age of 8 from his dominatrix neighbor in Germany? and Big Piles.
The pack gathered at 1815HRs at the pre-arranged spot, and although we used blue flour in a store parking lot, we were disappointed that the hazmat teams never showed. I guess they’re just used to our antics in the Happy Valley.
Trail began after introductions were made. This trail was announced as a Cajun trail and everybody who was unfamiliar with what that implies ( Fatboy hare screws with the FRBs) was well advised before we began. Big Piles made some comment about having done a Cajun trail before and getting screwed that time.
The trail entered the Chinese Buffett parking lot and went over to the traffic island on University Drive and Rte 9. Trail crossed over Rte 9 and ran alongside Dr. Katz’ Amherst Veterinary Clinic. Trail soon went up to the Amherst- Northampton Rail Trail Bike Path and paused for a song check. Trail then went up Snell Street. Trail turned left, crossed a footbridge over the bike path, at which point the pack encountered two people who said something to the effect of,” I didn’t know there was a local Hash House Harriers!” COV did a quick recruiting call and then trail went up Woodside Ave past the Amherst College football field. Trail emerged onto Rte 9 again and then made a right onto Blue Hills Road. Trail soon enough showed a “BN” that pointed to Rafters Sports Bar.
At the beercheck bowls of popcorn and pitchers of Sam Adams Lager greeted the sweaty and thirsty pack. We stayed there about 30 minutes maybe 40, then meandered back to the start for the circle.
COV was the RA.
First up was me, the hare, and it was pointed out that my trail “SUCKED!”
Next was ( not necessarily in order) autohashing, me and Marquis and Just Phillip, back from the beercheck, technology on trail (Just Phillip for wearing a Google Shirt), Big Piles for having the shortest drive but showing up late, Backsliders, Have A Tit For Humanity, and Marquis De Brokeback, Overachieving for running before the hash, COV and Just Phillip, and some other stuff.
Hashit nominations were for me for traditions sake, Cainus because he lost the hashit last year, and Big Piles because just because. Anyway, the hashit was acting magically and it leapt from my hands into the welcoming arms of Big Piles. It was like watching Arthur, King of the Britons, pulling Excaliber from the stone, or something like that, it was glorius to behold, in fact so reverently was the passage marked that Big Piles was annointed with a special fluid, Pabst I believe it was, and the transition was sanctified.
Announcements: This was our last Thursday night hash of the Summer. The next regular hash will be October 13th TBA. Hare: COV. There’s a Da Pitts hash saturday. DB haring with somebody. Anti-Buffett is cumming in December at Smugglers Crotch.
Swing Low and then it was All You Can Eat Chinese Buffett. Some drank Coke, some had Scorpion Bowls, what happened from there, I have no idea…Absinthe?
Hey, it’s been a while since I got it together to write one of these in Anti-Cock’s absence, but I thought it was about time. So, without further ado, here for your wanking pleasure is the hash trash for…
Happy Valley Hash House Harriers Run #19X! (where x<10, because otherwise that just wouldn’t be right)
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
When: Saturday, 10/13/2007, 14:00 HST
Where: Depot Rd in Sunderland
Pack: We’ll get to that shortly…
A few of the intrepid crew who actually read email late Friday afternoon showed up at about 14:00 HST the next day, at the recently designated start point, on Depot Rd in Sunderland. The automobiles were parked at a trail cranium for the Robert Frost Trail (at least I think it was the Robert Frost…). Perhaps I should mention that beyond the usual beer-induced fogginess of memory, I was having a massive allergy attack and experimenting with the combination of beer and 75 mg of Benadryl. It makes the ground feel mushy, even where it’s paved.
The hare looked at the pack and decided to dispense with dispensing of any chalk for the chalk talk; just the usual marks would be used. We gave her a bit of a cranium start, and while we were hanging around, Canis Lickus got out two dog leashes. I was pretty sure I didn’t need one, and although I was less sure, I didn’t think Sir Cums A Lot needed one either, so I wondered what they were for. It turned out that two faithful hash hounds were waiting patiently in the car, and when CL got Face F*cker and Cock Blocker out to join us, it nearly doubled the size of the pack. More than doubled if you count by number of legs. Maybe we should put a leash on a few of you wankers who haven’t been showing up. I can think of a few I’d like to put a leash on, but that’s a different story. 😉
Trail went off into the woods, and despite our encouragement to the hash hounds to find COV, the humans were forced to follow a series of check marks with an occasional trail mark in between. Most of the trail involved hunting around for trail from a check, generally ending with a call of “On one!… Check!”. OK, there were some places with a few more trail marks, but hardly enough to mention. True trail was fairly short, but that Wile E. Hare got us to cover a lot of ground.
There was a beer check near the top of a hill at the power lines, where we watched a small plane doing some rolls and stalls and whatnot. Canis & Sir Cums A Lot each had a beer, and I, well, I also only had one, but there was the Benadryl to consider. For me, that was where the ground started feeling funny under foot. However, I stayed upright the entire time, so there were no hash crashes to report. It took us a few tries to find true trail away from the beer check, but eventually Canis found it, and it brought us back to the road near the railroad tracks via someone’s driveway. As I came down the driveway toward the road, a young couple on bicycles pulled up, curious as to why we were hiking in kilts, and why we were doing it in their driveway. They were very nice and I explained what we were doing, and all was well.
In the meantime, Canis & Sir Cums A Lot met up with the hare across the road and across the tracks, and I followed when I was done with the community relations work. I had heard something that sounded like a Harley Davidson, and when I joined the others next to the railroad tracks they were telling wild stories of having seen some weird train or something, which made me wonder if it was them on the Benadryl instead of me.
This was the end of the trail, sort of A to A.1, so SCAL and I went to retrieve our cars and came back to do circle there next to the tracks. With such a small pack, violations were hard to come by, but a few trumped up charges were levied. In order to avoid receiving the Hashit from yours truly, Canis & SCAL conspired with the RA to table awarding of the Hashit until the next run, and we cruised down to Sir Cums A Lot’s vegetarian nightmare, Bub’s BBQ. The ailing Le Marquis de Brokeback met us there and we chowed down along with a pitcher of BBC.
Next hash: Various events are coinciding to make the 27th bad day, so we’re thinking we’ll do something close to the full moon on a weeknight. Due to the absence of Anti-Cock with a K, he hasn’t volunteered to hare yet, and hasn’t invited us to his hot tub yet. No pressure, AC. Hint hint.
Announcements included a reminder for the Fall Foliage F*ckup, scheduled for this Saturday, 10/20 at 13:30 HST, Ashland State Park. We’ll probably do some sort of carpooling from this area. Info from Shine On’s announcement copied below.
Somewhat respectfully submitted,
Big Piles, or, Return of the Pseudo-Scribe.
HVH3 #196 & Shay’s Rebellion FMH3 #14
Halloween Costume Theme.
Well, for awhile there it looked like it’d be a pack of two, but by the start the pack had grown to:
Comes On Vacation, Cainus Lickus, Dewey Do Me!, Just Michael, Big Piles.
Visitors: Halve Meins & Da Pitts, Pig F#cker, Deci-Belle
In Reserve in case we needed to fudge the numbers: Hash Hounds Ellie and Laurel aka “La-La”
Hare for Number 196 or something, Anti-Cock.
Location: The Full Moon illuminated, Shiggilicious Deep Woods of Wendell.
Start Time of 1800Hrs.
Trail didn’t really commence until about 1900Hrs. Previous to the start, we sat around waiting for PF’er and DeciBelle, who called from the DaPitts saying they were running a tad late. But that was AOK cuz we was drinking Whitbread Ale and Yuengling Black & Tans. The pack received directions that this wood be a Cajun trail. Trail was marked in Blue Carpenter’s Chalk and New Haven Anthr#x. But the hare wondered if the pack would be able to see the stuff in the dark. But all turned out well because everybody heeded the instructions to bring illumination, and the clear night allowed the full moon to shine brightly.
Trail started just across the street from the hare’s driveway in his neighbor’s yard. Just past a lilac bush the trail went into an old, overgrown cow pasture. Soon enough it came to a fork, and the pack correctly turned left and crossed over an old stone wall and dove into a dense grove of trees and Mountain Laurel. Trail just got more and more shiggylicious from this point on. Occasionally the shiggy opened up a tiny bit as people followed the path of mossy, wet stones in a small brook.
Trail then went into some ankle twisting, chest high mountain laurel. PF’er was out front and soon shouted “On Road” as he discovered a moon-lit Cooleyville Road. Meanwhile, Richard Nixon got a run in his brand new black pantyhose, and ripped his perfect little black mini-dress. The On-On Hazmat Girl struggled on trail as her face shield fogged up, and the Ninja Playboy was seen trying out his best lines on a Scottish lad in a dress. The Naughty Catholic School Girl admonished the hare for not truly sweeping in last place. And somehow Pig F#cker never heard the part about it being a Halloween themed hash. ( Unless he went as a traveling beer check, which he did do! )
Anyways, trail went north on the dirt strip known as Cooleyville Road before in intersected at Locke Village Road by the town salt shed. Travelors in their cars must have had to check their calendars after they saw the costumed parade of characters walking down the road in their headlights. The Hare wasn’t originally planning on sweeping trail. I was planning on meeting the pack at the beer check with an abundant supply of $10 gift certificates for the Deja Brew Pub. But instead, Big Piles produced an Andy Jackson and treated the pack to some brews. The pack then proceeded back to the start for circle.
I didn’t keep a list of what went on at circle, but here’s the stuff I remember:
FBI was Pig F#cker.
Just Michael and Dewey had to do a down-down for guarding the start and not doing trail.
The Hare did some down downs.
As a matter of fact everybody did some down downs.
Hashit went to the hare for not thinking people would be able to see the hash on trail.
Just Michael came up for a naming cause he’s been hashing with us for a long time. He is a world renown classical guitarist. He teaches guitar and has taught some of the best performers in the Happy Valley, so some thought his name should be, “Finger Me!” but wait a minute, add just enough beer, hashers, and a tanned sheep hide, and you get the name, “NecroSheepliac” thrown in the mix. We had consumed just enough alcohol that this name just cracked up the whole pack. Tears streamed form our faces we was laughing so hard. So, he was annointed “NecroSheepliac”
Anti Buffet the third weekend in December at Smugglers Crotch. Beer Festival, Hash Antics and skiing.
Next Happy Valley Hash = Saturday, November 10th Details TBA
Next Halve Mein Hash = Sunday, November 11th at Sperm Bank’s in Feura Bush, N.Y.
NecroSheepliac’s newest CD, “Barton Cove” CD release party Friday night, December 7th at the Discovery Center in Turners Falls.
Early November, 2007
Where: COV’s abode in Shutesbury.
The Pack: Big Piles, Anti-Cock
Hash Hounds: Scruffy, ZUNI
Visitor: Urinal Biscuit from Hurlington, VT H3
The Trail: The trail ran across the street from COV’s into a sort of trail network of dense underbrush, older hardwoods, he he, he said “Hard Wood”, and then thru some backed up beaver swamps and beaver dams. Trail emerged onto Baker Road before returning to the COV / CL abode.
While on trail there were multiple traveling beer stops.
Circle: Hare was sung the Shitty Trail Song
Visitor: Visitor sang, Barry Manilow’s – “Oh Mandy” Really – he did that…before we shut’em up by making him drink a down down.
FRB / FBI / DFL proxy for ZUNI. AC, COV
Birthdays: Big Piles Nov 7th, UB Nov 20th ( Tail end of Scorpio) Sung the Birthday FU song.
Latecummers: Big Piles, AC, UB
Announcements: ABIV, Happy Valley Hoodies on sale, gotta order them first though and specify size.
HVH3 #200 | Anti-Buffett IV
Dec. 7-8-9, 2007
Anti-Buffett IV was widely acclaimed “Best Hash Ever!”, and that pretty much sums it up.
HVH3 Substitute Scribbler
What? That’s not enough?
OK, fine, here’s a little more. You asked for it…
As usual, with Anti-cock MIA I forgot I was scribing, so no notes. Personally biased accounts, unintentional major omissions, minor errors, and outright lies are par for the course.
Snow! Yes there was actual snow and plenty of it. Skis of all kinds and snowboards got plenty of use, with tons of terrain to work with. For the less energetic, the pool and hot tub were close at hand. For the even less energetic, there were comfy chairs & couches.
Friday and Saturday nights, all-star Twister was a hit. I don’t remember some of those spinner calls on the game I had when I was a kid… left hand someone else’s crotch… right hand tit… downward dog red? I guess it should be no surprise that Bend Over Mommy was crowned champion. We may need to devise a Twister handicap for yoga instructors.
Our hero Yeasty Boy once again supplied copious quantities of excellent brew in keg and cask, the consumption of which was only briefly interrupted by consumption of some of Vermont’s finest at the brewfest. I’ll take YB’s over the rest any day, although I must say, the invitation to rescue a few spilled drops of Long Trail by licking them off of an attractive breast on the dance floor adds immeasurably to the appeal of any decent ale.
Before I get distracted by describing trail and events at circle, which proved a major distraction, let me reiterate what so many have said already: Anti-Buffett IV was a great event, and a BIG thank you goes to all the folks who helped make it happen.
Trail on Saturday was set by our co-hares, COV & Pig F*cker. Their live A-to-B trail sent us on a merry chase through various and sundry parts of the Smuggs resort, including a nice centrally located and very public spot for a song check, followed shortly by the spotting of a giant mouse (or possibly a human in a mouse suit; it’s so hard to tell the difference these days) who briefly joined us on trail and became one of the answers on one team’s scavenger hunt sheet. I claim foul!—it appears I Eat Cum and the rest of his team actually worked at winning the scavenger hunt, which leaves little chance for us slackers who scrounge together a team at the last minute. Their victory was even more overwhelming than Bend Over Mommy’s in Twister.
Anyhow, where was I? On trail, yes. Apparently we weren’t too far from catching the hares as trail crossed under a lift and went a short way up a ski trail, but then we arrived at a tit check. Bend Over Mommy, soon to be of Twister fame, obliged the assembled crowd, none of whom were seen to avert their eyes in embarrassment. Not that I would know; I was busy admiring her tits. Several passing skiers apparently did not avert their eyes either, resulting in a nasty pileup in the ditch next to the ski trail, the only advantage of which was a good containment of the yard sale effect. Her decision to assist the pack was apparently not affected by the fact that the hares had marked a song check there, and she had actually seen the FRBs change it into a tit check.
The pack soon became a bit bewildered, running out of marks on top of an overpass, but after some dedicated searching, a beverage check was discovered on the road passing underneath. Hot cocoa and peppermint schnapps warmed bodies and loosened tongues for singing, including a good string of shoppers getting us fired from the old department store for a variety of reasons.
Trail continued on down the road to a T, where a significant portion of the pack turned right and followed the road down the hill, regardless of the absence of marks. Many realized the error of their ways and soon came back, while others embraced the error of their ways and were later awarded a combination of down-downs for shortcutting, and for being FRBs as a result. True trail went across the road at the T and into the woods. You may remember I mentioned earlier there was snow… knee- to thigh- to crotch-deep in places, depending on the length of your legs. Trail emerged from the woods, eventually crossed back over the road, and wound up at the big circular tent (which some may remember from uses as a beer check in previous years). Being circular, and heated, it was the perfect place to have circle, with more of Yeasty Boy’s beer from a pump tap.
Most of the circle festivities have become a bit foggy in my memory. I believe COV & PFer officiated, ably assisted by Deci Belle’s Beer Bitch service as Yeasty Boy manned the tap. At first I was standing there as well, stroking away, but Yeasty Boy said I needed to stop that and pump up the keg pressure or get out of the way.
The usual down-downs were awarded, including FRBs & FBIs, shortcutting (same people in some cases), DFL, etc. No, I don’t remember who all they were. Each of the several hashes represented was called in to sing a song for the circle, and various trumped up charges were levied and paid for in the usual manner.
Then the former Just Kyle of Da Pitts H3 was called into the circle to be named. A large tray of snow was brought in, so he’d have a comfy seat while we discussed the situation, and of course, we didn’t want him to get the seat of his pants wet, so we suggested that he have a seat bare-assed in the snow. There were several stories told about Just Kyle, relating to facing military disciplinary action, his wife bearing children of unconfirmed siring, leaving his pregnant wife at home to come to Anti-Buffett (and she paid the rego fee to get rid of him), and working for Crane Paper (manufacturer of currency paper, among other things). These stories produced an excellent crop of name suggestions, most of which I’m sorry to say I can’t remember. However, I do remember that Just Kyle was not named Money Shot, nor was he named Dereliction of Booty. He was named, and shall henceforth be known in the hash as, Counterfeit Dick.
There was one more minor detail, a last little item of business before circle was closed. Really, it is a story of its own:
THE DECEMBER REVOLUTION
Comes On Vacation & Canis Lickus, with their planned move to warmer climes, and following the example of Tsar Nicholas II of Russia in 1917, announced the abdication of their thrones of RA, GM, and assorted other titles in the Happy Valley H3. Panic ensued, and disorder was the order of the day. There was gnashing of teeth, rending of clothes, hair was pulled out in chunks.
Factions formed in the circle, eagles vs. turkeys, runners vs. walkers, downhill skiers vs. boarders. Cross-country skiers made an uncomfortable alliance with the snowshoers, because neither group really trusted the tele skiers (sure, it looks cool, but they keep making those subtle yet sweeping changes of direction, so you’re lulled into their way of thinking but you never quite know from minute to minute which side they’ll be on). Hot tubbers made fun of the couch potatoes. Worst of all, the Haverale drinkers were in opposition to a mysterious group that simply called themselves “The Cask”. It was horrible. Battles were waged. Weaponry escalated. Halliburton stock went up (no proven affiliation with Burton snowboards, but investigations are ongoing).
Then, in the midst of the chaos and madness, COV called out a name, calling him into the circle. Out of the mists and haze of battle, into the circle stepped a lone figure, tall and quiet, with the look of a reluctant hero, tentatively self-assured, as if he had been caught off guard but was trying not to show it, wearing a skirt. [It’s a KILT, dammit!] [OK, kilt, but if you’re not Scottish it’s still just cross-dressing.] Suddenly the battles ceased. A hush fell over the crowd.
Perhaps all was not lost. Who was this strange man she called “Big Piles”? Why was Deci Belle filling his vessel to the brim, a clear and brazen violation of the recently imposed war-time beer rationing? Why did Pig F*cker want him to sit down on a heap of snow? What on Earth was COV doing with that wooden dildo? The unspoken questions hung in the anticipatory silence.
Then, using the well-guarded secret powers known only to RAs, COV put the wooden dildo to her mouth, blew hard, and transformed it into a whistle. Not just any whistle, but a train whistle, much like her own. The train whistle has long been known as a symbol of power in the Happy Valley. In the nineteenth century, the coming of the railroad to the valley signaled prosperity and progress. In more recent years, the railroads may have dwindled in importance, but the mournful sound of the lonely train whistle has still been calling out in the distance, calling out to hashers, all hashers far and near, “Come, follow me, follow the sound, for in the woods of the Happy Valley, there is beer.”
But the sound of COV’s whistle, along with all it represents, is slowly fading from our midst.
So, following the example of dictators, despots, Russia’s President Putin, Katherine Harris, 5/9nths of the Supreme Court after the 2000 election, and the resulting squatters currently occupying the White House, COV said, “Screw democracy!”, and handed the magically formed train whistle to Big Piles, symbolically conferring upon him responsibility for the Happy Valley Hash. Title upon title was listed, and the weight of responsibility could be seen pressing down on the shoulders of Big Piles, until the circle sang him a song and he quaffed the full vessel, and he was refreshed and fortified.
Big Piles put the train whistle to his mouth, and for the first time, blew those mournful tones as if to say, “Come, let us hash together in the Happy Valley, for there is beer in the woods, but I am a lightweight, and I cannot drink the beer alone. Come, run with me, and walk sometimes, for I am out of shape, and I don’t want to run the trail alone. Come, plan with me, for there is work to be done, and I cannot run the hash alone.”
Circle was closed in the traditional way, and they all lived happily ever after.
And that is the story of how I came to be responsible for the Happy Valley Hash House Harriers at Anti-Buffett IV. At least it’s one version of the story. Then there’s the one where they dragged me into the circle kicking and screaming, crying like a baby, “I don’t want to run a hash and you can’t make me!”, and left me whimpering on the floor with a train whistle stuffed in my mouth. Or the version where I browbeat and blackmailed Canis & COV into turning power over to me under threat of… heh, well, I’d better not say; the members of The Cask are sworn to secrecy. That’s right, I’m one of them, and you’d better think twice about messing with The Cask… Or the version where aliens landed at Smuggs and implanted mind control devices in COV & Canis, which the aliens tested by making them give up their control of the hash to the whichever Happy Valley member was standing closest to them at the time. The truth is out there.
The future is always uncertain. The further restructuring of mismanagement remains to be accomplished. Many drunken hashers from across the northeast promised support in the transition, for which I am most grateful, even if they didn’t remember saying it the next day.
COV & Canis aren’t even gone yet, and I miss them already. But hashing is too much fun to let anything get us down, so we’ll go on in the Happy Valley, bringing in new blood, resurrecting the inactive, and looking forward to visits to and from Panama.
HVH3 GM, RA, HC, HD, and so on and so forth, etc., so far.
HVH3 #201 | Da Pitts #6
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Ashuwillticook Rail Trail, Berkshire Mall, Lanesboro, MA
(Historical note: There is some dispute amongst those who study Native American languages as to how the name of this rail trail is pronounced. The majority seems to favor “ah-she-will-take-cock”, but there are some, particularly from the south, who say “I-sure-will-take-cock”.)
From Da Pitts – this was Counterfeit Dick’s virgin lay
From Happy Valley – his advisor & mentor, I Eat Cum
Happy Valley –
Jimmy Crack Whore
Da Pitts –
Field of Creams
Virgin Rob (CD made him cum)
Halve Mein visitors –
Wee Willy Wanker
Virgin Tony (RS made him cum)
You’re a Peein’ Whore
I have a feeling I’m missing someone; I thought we had fifteen before Dr. Queer showed up at the on-in.
We assembled at the Ahshewilltakecock Rail Trail parking area at Berkshire Mall, and were pre-lubed and ready to hit the trail, but it seemed like something was missing… ah, yes, there was no sign of the hares. Fortunately, by the time they showed up, it had allowed another wayward vehicle bearing hashers to get there. The first violation/accusation occurred before we even got on trail, as one of our hares appeared to be wearing new shoes. Counterfeit Dick tried to claim they weren’t new, so I proposed the gravity test, but it turned out it wasn’t needed as Jimmy Crack Whore presented a hang tag recently removed from said shoes, and CD’s fate was sealed for a down-down, assuming our collective half minds could still remember it by the time we had circle.
I had gone back to my car to grab hash cash, and when I returned, the hares had already started the chalk talk. I’ve seen a few odd marks, special instructions, and variations in my time, but I’ve never seen sixteen different versions of false marks for one trail. We had two virgins, so as the hares craniumed out, we reviewed the marks for them, and for the rest of us who can’t count to sixteen with our shoes on. We assured the virgins that it wasn’t usually this complicated.
If I had any sense of direction I’d try to tell you where the trail went, but since I don’t, I’ll just say that our live hares took us on a merry A to B chase through parking lots, woods, roads, and on the rail trail, mostly in several inches of snow. At the first beer check we built a small snowman and sang several songs to distract us from the shitty beer we had to drink. At the second beer check, we sang several more songs to distract us from the shitty beer. Trail ended on the rail trail where an underpass took it below a crossing street.
At some point during the run Deci Belle asked me how many circles I had run. I said, “Zero. How about you?” I think she said two. So we decided to share RA duties. Circle went on for a bit, since we had two virgins to dement along with the usual FRB/FBI/DFL (no I don’t remember who was awarded what), many violations and accusations, and of course, Counterfeit Dick’s down-down for new shoes. For that, I Eat Cum pulled out a sock that could only have gotten cleaner by having beer strained through it into CD’s shoe. CD said it tasted like ass. One wonders how he knew.
On trail I picked up a piece of trail treasure, in the form of a sign that said “FARM”, which had fallen off some real estate sign nearby. Deci Belle pulled a drawstring out of her sweatshirt and tied it on, and the Da Pitts hashshit was born. There were only three Da Pitts hashers there, but I still can’t remember who it was awarded to. I think it went to Field Of Creams for medical technology on trail, because she was wearing a heart monitor. We were hoping to set off the alarm on the damn thing, but even the anal rape didn’t do it. I guess she’s too used to it. The other likely candidate for hashshit was CD, for shitty beer on trail, new shoes, and a few other trumped up charges.
By that time we were freezing our butts off, so we closed with hash religion and craniumed across the street to the on-in for beer, hot dogs, and etc., where our waitress claimed to be familiar with rugby songs, so we sang her a little ditty, finishing just after a kid some would consider too young to hear such things came in with his parents.
The next two HVH3 hashes are –
Saturday, Jan. 19th, 14:00 HST, Whately, hared by Anti-cock & Le Marquis de Brokeback; and
Saturday, Feb. 2nd, 13:00 HST, Groundhog Day, in Ludlow, hared by I Eat Cum & Jimmy Crack Whore. The Groundhog Day hash will likely include a return appearance by COV, who should be able to tell us to f*ck off in Spanish by now.
Big Piles, HVH3