Hash Trash from 2010

#230 | “Trust Me Hash”

Nobody trusted me.

Well that’s not exactly right. Big Piles trusted me. A virgin, “Virgin Amy” almost trusted me. She drove all the way from East Longmeadow to my farm in Wendell for the Hash. Just as we were about to get in the truck I said to her, “Now you realize you are making a time committment until about 1900-1930HRS, right?” She said she couldn’t. I said, “Well, how about 1830 HRS?” She said she couldn’t. I was like,”Ah, how about 1730HRS – 1800HRS???” She said she couldn’t. At that point I was thinking like there’s no way I’m driving all the way to Albany, doing a hash, an ON-IN and getting back here before 1700HRS, so I said,”Well, sorry to have you drive all this way for nothing, but I gotta go.”

Oh yeah, La-La trusted me, but she had no choice. So, Big Piles hadn’t arrived yet as of 1120HRS, even after I had caled him at 1030 witha “wakey-wakey” call, so I called him again and told him I’d pick him up on the way.

So, as you can gather, the object of this “Trust Me Hash” was to kidnap the pack and take them to a Halve Mein Hash in East Greenbush, New York. It was kind of funny but Willy Wanker had e-mailed the night before lamenting that he wished he could do saturday’s Happy Valley hash, but couldn’t because Halve Mein was running on Saturday too. It would’ve been funny in a sadistic way if he had chosen to cum to Happy Valley for the Trust Me Hash. I would’ve asked him to drive since he has a van…

So we arrived a half hour late to the Halve Mein Hash which was starting in the parking lot of a Rite Aid Pharmacy on Columbia Turnpike ( Rte 20 ) in East Greenbush. The Hares, Sperm Bank & Dr. Queer, had already left on their appointed rounds of shenanigans and had left Dirt Bag in charge of running the circle. Early onset of alcohol fueled Alzheimers suggest that there may have more hashers there than I am about to list, but here goes: Willy Wanker, Dairy Queen / Pop Top, Stickly Bunz, Dirt Bag, Counterfeit Dick, Jimmy Crack Whore, Text It Up The Ass, Tubslut, Can You Cum In Me Now? Or is his name, “Can I Cum Now?” Ummmm, oh yeah, Dirt Bag, Pig F#cker, Anticoch and Big Piles, and last but not least, La-La, the exiled Halve Mein hound who was back in her old hometown. Dirt Bag led the assembled mass in a rousing Father Birmingham.

Off we went in search of the elusive BN. Through some ass-fault and then around a pond, ankle deep in mud and slushy snow, the Beer Check was sighted by tail-end charlies because the FRBs were already guzzling Colorado water in cans on somebody’s deck. The beer check was held at _______________’s house, who then joined us on trail. ( Fill in the blank. She is a Harriette – transplant from Kansas, works throughout Vermont, and I am totally spacing on her name, which is a NFN yet, but she sells drugs for a living, legally though, ummm, oh well, somebody can do an addendum.) Was it NFN Christine?

We stood around drinking beer that we wish could’ve even been Genessee, but wasn’t, it was Colorado Export Water in cans. Heck we would’ve even been satisfied with rusty old cans of Utica Club Cream Ale…BUt then we was off in search of more beer.

It was a beautiful day for hashing. Warm, sunny, it felt great! The snow was melting ( read: lots of mud, puddles, and slush on trail.)

We criss-crossed some ass-fault and some woods, spotted some turkey foot prints, and then went onto a golf course and found beer check No. two. There was a bit o’ shiggy just before the beer check, but I believe we were near Hole No. 69 on the course.

The sun was sinking lower in the western sky so we meandered the last mile or so back to the start and went into a pizza place for beers and pizzas. After a few drinks and three or four pizzas, and Tubby’s Grilled Chicken salad ( duh, it has taken me this long in the tome to remember Tubslut & Dairy Queen / Pop Top were there too, lemme go back and add them in…)

After all that we jumped in our cars and went back to beer check No. Two for a circle jerk. I did not keep notes, I imagine the Halve Mein secretary will have the offal , I mean Official virgin, erah, version. FRbs, Pig F#cker, FBI, Stickly Bunz, DAL ( translation: DFL) Text It Up The Ass & Can You Cum In Me Now? and lots and lots of others liberally sprinkled with Peanut M&Ms.

Then there was some other stuff: Happy Valley St. Patrick’s Day Hash, NURD, Da Pitts March 20th.



cockmonkey’s log, beerdate 3/17/2010

So I’ve been lazy in posting this.  Oh well.

On St. Paddle’s Day we gathered for none of us had work schedules that allowed for travel to far off adventures that day.
Suckit Wrench
Big Piles
cockmonkey (hare)

Had I remembered that Jimmy Crack Whore needs to be called about trails I might have been able to make him cum, but since I forgot we’ll never know.

Once we were all assembled the very straightforward chalk talk was presented.  I had given myself WAY too much time before hand to set things up, so the trail was prelaid and the chalk talk drawn out.  The talk was short as there were only 6 marks used.  Then the pack headed off, then waited for Gagreflex to stop trying to get the top of his car up, whilst cockmonkey drove forth to the super secret, not at all publicly located, beer check.

In honor of the holiday, or because it took just under one piece of chalk per half of trail, the first half of the trail was marked in orange, and the second half in green.  The trail sent the pack traipsing through Amherst College and the center of town through many checks.  At one point Gagreflex found the right trail and deserted the pack, but that may have been because he got promptly lost after discovering the trail.  I believe this infraction was solved with a social because we could in circle.

Beer check was relaxed and enjoyed with some Killian’s Red out of the back of cockmonkey’s car.  Gagreflex urinated on a church.

Then we were all off on the last leg of the trail, with myself running along in the back since my car was already parked near the On-After.

Circle was friendly and sociable.  And by sociable I mean we had many socials.  Suckit Wrench gave him self a beer facial after one particularly heady (who said head) down down.  Gagreflex announced his new goal, after urinating on a church, was to now urinate on a clergyman.  I mentioned that I wouldn’t be surprised if someone in the hashing world is both ordained (if only through the Universal Life Church) and into golden showers.

After circle we went to ABC for sustenance to supplement the beer, and there was much rejoicing.

Zombie Jesus Trail, Amherst Amtrack Station, 2pm, April 3rd.  Spread the word and RSVP if you haven’t.  We had a decent turn out last year and people had lots of fun.  I’ll be buying goodies on Thursday.

#232 | Zombie Jesus Hash #2

cockmonkey’s log, beerdate 4/3/10

The day was gorgeous, the hares were disorganized, most of the hashers were on time.

Possibly in attendance or not, based on RSVP and known names were:
based on cranium count, missing one name.  didn’t ever really do a proper introduction so if you replied and weren’t there whoops.  🙂

Suckit Wrench – co-hare
cockmonkey – co-hare
Anticock with a K, Yankee’s Suck
Willy Wanker – as Jesus
Big Piles
The Buttler Hit It
Bringham Tongue
Pig Fucker
Twat My Mom
I Eat T-Bags
Jimmy Crack Whore
Counterfit Dick
I Eat Cum
Moans A Loan

Crucifuck and IEC showed up late, but that was ok because it gaves the hares time to finish setting the beer check and get the chalk talk drawn out.

Anticock had some sort of mechanical issues with his truck and windows, something about not being able to get it up.  So he left to try and get his wife’s car and hope to meet up with us later.

Finally the hares were away, cockmonkey dropping eggs all over the trail.  Suckit Wrench learned some about choice of chalk color choices.  First leg of the trail was long.  Rumor that perhaps IEC zenned parts of the trail.

First beer check the normal middle of the pack showed up first, leaving the rest of us to wonder where the fast wankers were.  Willy thought it was the 2nd beer as apprently Jesus CAN go hashing, and gets beer from frat boys.

After the first beer check a few of said fast wankers managed to skip the beer check and jump ahead to find the hares.  As this included IEC the inevitable snaring occurred.  The hares directed them back to the beer check for refreshment, and also gave a possible alternative route to the second beer check for walkers.

After sending people to the missed beer check the next leg of the trail went well for the hares.  Based on the arrivals of the pack at the 2nd beer check, the leg seemed to have gone well.  More beer seemed to have been procured from frat boys.

The highlight of the beer check however, was the parking cops.  After booting a car for excessive parking volition they drove back to our corner.  Where the cops requested a photo of Willy Wanker with the beer in his hand.  The hares gifted the cops with easter eggs, and the pack helped direct the photo taking so that the church was in the background.

The last leg of the trail went through some fun alley ways, but it turns out that the pack decided to do a bunch of zenning, including running through the CVS, which I’m completely OK with for the hilarity.  With in the last 100-200 feet from the end, IEC struck as cockmonkey was handing Suckit Wrench some candy.  A desperate dash was made, but cockmonkey was snared.  Impressively Suckit rabbited away.

Circle was perhaps chaotic.  Many possible points and violations were not addressed, such as birthdays, but much beverage was consumed.

GAP was announced as the last weekend in June.

Hare is needed for next Happy Valley trail.  Jimmy mentioned some trail ideas, but no date was set.

Next year’s Zombie Jesus trail may either be after Easter or may be a Crucifuxtion hash, since the Boston Burlesque Expo is Easter weekend every year, and I’m hoping to compete in it.  Alternatively someone else can take over the trail for me if they’d like.  The trail if I lay it will likely include some sort of prize next year.


cockmoneky’s log, beerdate June 3, 2010

The clouds rained through the morning but by trail time they had revealed the heavens in all their glory.  For has it not been said beer is how we know god wants us to be happy?  obviously this trail was meant to be!

By ones and twos we arrived at The Harp in North Amherst, partaking of their beverages and pleasing the owner with our kilts.Trail start was set for 7pm, so at about 7:15 the hare left to set the beer out on the trail.  With such a time table the virgin who had to jump start his car still arrived before circle began.
Present in body if at least not in mind:
Anticock with a K, Yankee’s Suck (Hare)
Suckit Wrench
Super Chicken
Jimmy Crack Whore
Counterfit Dick
Pussy Factory
Pig Fucker
Big Piles

Virgin Miseph

And the pack was off with the hare walking as sweep.  There was much running ahead on wrong or non-existant trails.  Jimmy Crack Whore decided to take the hare’s lead and take note when the hare didn’t follow a trail.  A cute girl on a bicycle wanted to know what we were doing and seemed interested, but declined to join.  Oh well.

Eventually the trail left the road and went into the woods where upon the FRBs took all the false trails as well as some misaimed zenning through plants and mud.

The beer check was at Puffer’s Pond where extraneous clothing was removed, beer was had, and most of us got wet.  Apparently my bra was very see through.  Water was great, a few ppl were lame and wouldn’t join in.

Then it was on back to the Harp for circle and more beer.

Circle was held at tables as the deck was a popular place that night and we wanted to be able to eat there as well.  Drinking infractions included not getting wet, crimes against nature (breast reduction), kilts, and the normal sundry.  Anticock was nominated for many hash-trash infractions including refusing to wear it into the bar, Suckit Wrench was nominated for willingly holding the hash shit for Anticock, and cockmonkey was nominated “just because”.  Votes awarded the hash shit to cockmonkey.

Then there was food and it was tasty.

Next trail is uncertain.  Both Big Piles and Suckit Wrench said they might have ideas, but for various reasons no commitment was made.

So someone make up your damn mind and lay a trail!

GAP is 25-27
Adiredneck is this weekend.


cockmonkey’s log, beerdate June 15, 2010

With the passing presence of Sodom Me in the Happy Valley the hash sprung into action and found a hare for a week previously in dire need of a trail.  So instead of Thursday we had a trail on Tuesday.  With astoundingly good results.

Present on trail (I think, I lost the list since then in my drunken stumbling) were:
Anticock (hare)
Suckit Wrench
Just Phillip (now Pick-a-Dildo)
Comes on Vacation
Doggie Dominatrix (and hounds)
Sodom Me
Big Piles
Knob Doctor
Gag Me with Your Res-erection

Not only did we have returnees to the Happy Valley but we had the reappearance of many backsliders AND started close to on time!  I had never even met half the wankers present!  Huzzah!

Trail started at the town common and we soon were winding through Amherst with the hounds providing much entertainment for the families wandering the side walk.  And to be honest entertainment to the pack as they would decide on opposite sides of trees to pass around.  The first beverage check was near Rao’s, in a “discreet” corner, or more specifically one that if we stood around no one could see what was being poured into the plastic cups.  Drink of the moment was JD.

Then we were off again with Anticock as sweep this time, tearing off towards Amherst College.  As we approached the second beer check a hare was spotted on the lawn that soon ran for cover.  The drink there was Narraganset, the “New England Beer” made in Wisconsin.  I would also at this point like to than Firefox for its built in spell checker as “Narraganset” is harder for me to spell than Massachusetts!  At this beer check the hare told us there was one more beverage check, at a large black truck with an “on-on” sticker.

We tore off to the last check only to discover there was only sort of beverage, but rather it was then time to go to the Hanger and grab a table before they filled up.

Shockingly for a trail with such a high tit to dick ratio there were NO tit checks.  But I suppose forgiveness can be made since it was a last minute trail with supposedly three beverage checks, though I only recall two and then ending at Anticock’s truck.

In the Hanger we imbibed many a drink, including some delicious blueberry beer, and many saucy chicken pieces.  However the Hanger is small and always busy, with a resultant high noise level so circle was impossible.

Once we were done stuffing our faces we absconded from the restaurant and made our way to a neighboring back parking lot to hold circle.  In an attempt to get COV to RA Anticock proposed a guest RA, but COV was on the ball and nose-goes led it to be Handjob?.  Apprently circle is more chaotic and less focused when held after the on-in, perhaps due to the many pitchers of beer.  Accusations true and false were flung about. It also marked the first instance I have ever come across of someone being denied a down-down for being an ‘over achiever’ and too willing to drink.  For Hashshit nominations Suckit Wrench was denied because he wanted it (because he had something to add), and ultimately it was decided to be awarded to Anticock.  That is until Sodom Me threw it and it hit cockmonkey in the eye, at which point it was decided that being hit in the eye was a stupid enough thing to override anything Anticock may have done on trail (like not put out any tit checks).  Fortunately Suckit Wrench was willing to stand proxy because the plunger to the eye fucking hurt and cockmonkey was not going to take it being rather in pain and severely pissed off.  For future reference being startled and hit in the face is about average for how well cockmonkey can catch, having poor hand-eye coordination, had I been less drunk I might have squeaked in surprise and ducked.

However the important part of the night was the naming.  Just Phillip was brought into the circle, where we told what stories we knew, most involving one incident and a toilet and a long detailed saga from Sodom Me that surprised even Just Phillip with its depth.  Many suggestions were raised, including “A Minute Fifty” (running time), “American Standard” (toilet), “2 Minute Pole” (easier than 1:50 to say, and he’s Polish), and many other suggestions involving sex toys, giggling, speed, intellectual pursuits, and being passed out on a toilet.  Ultimately “Pick-a-Dildo” was chosen based on a town he had once lived in and his naivete involving sex toys.

After this the hash was most thoroughly trashed and the beer exhausted, so we sung the circle to a close and stumbled home.

A hare is needed for the next trail, two weeks from today is July 1st, which is also the day before my birthday.  So there should totally be a trail to get me wasted as I turn a quarter-of-a-century.  Just saying.

That is all.  It’s been swell, but the swelling’s gone down.  Places to wreck, people to do!


cockmonkey’s log, beerdate 7/1/10

It was actually a pretty nice day.  No pouring rain.  Not unbearably hot.  Pretty much perfect hashing weather.

Big Piles
Suckit Wrench
Just Miseph
Counterfit Dick

Big Piles, the hare, was of course on time.  Suckit Wrench and cockmonkey were early for a 7pm trail start.  Just Miseph was on time for 7pm HST, and Counterfit Dick wasn’t far behind (though he did have the farthest to drive to join us).  Unfortunately the trail was scheduled to start at 6:30, so chalk talk was a little late even accounting for HST adjustments.

And the hare was away!  Well, slightly delayed because Countefit asked about prelube, which got a mention of the time and the hare kept running.  It was a live lay.  Which I suppose impatience was reasonable, after all the beer had been at the beer checks for quite some time and might have started to get warm!

After some checks, misdirection, and hrair bunnies we came to the first beer check within an old tobacco barn.  Beverage was Opa Opa Red Rock Amber.  After savoring the tasty beverage, we let the Hare go to lay more trail.  Once we followed Suckit, Miseph, and cockmonkey ran through the barn.  Counterfit ran around the barn.  The end effect was the flour mark right outside the far side of the barn led Counterfit to investigate what appeared to be a possibly walked through area in some very heavy shiggy, where the other three went straight ahead up a more clear walked through area directly to the road, and to the next chalk mark.

The pack spent much time searching for marks in varying directions once we hit pavement, but finally we found where to go.  The trail kept going up!  Zig zagging us around, and sending the pack up behind the New Dorms and all over the parking lot until finally we re-entered the woods

The beverage at the second check was Opa Opa Watermelon.  A rather intriguing and surprisingly actually watermelony tasting beer.  The last part of the trail was the fun part.  Running like an idiot downhill!  Wheee!  At the Umass Parking Garage the pack split, Suckit and Miseph finding the trail marks and heading on, Counterfit deciding to zen cause he was on the otherside of the garage.  Cockmonkey went along with the trail marks, with a stop at an open building to use their bathroom (and some how managed to catch up).

Ultimately Counterfit was first in, and it was fuzzy who was the actual last.

cockmonkey was asked/nominated to run circle.  Well, there’s a first time for everything!  It was decided that rather than FRB, FBI, and DFL we’d just have a circle, cause it wasn’t worth the effort of deciding who was where.  Yay social!  Other infractions included snared hare and a birthday.  Upon nomination for the hash shit ultimately all three Happy Valley hashers were nominated, even if it was “just because.”  The winning vote went to Just Miseph who had promised virgin and had failed to supply.  Before the hash shit could be sealed to him Counterfit Dick tried to start a Chinese Firedrill, and got his ass slapped hard by cockmonkey.  This led to him scurrying away before a second strike could fall, running into and over Suckit Wrench causing Suckit’s can of beer to spill (but not his vessel), and placed Counterfit on the far side of the circle rubbing his ass and whining and accusing cockmonkey of being a dominatrix.  What makes it funny is how much cockmonkey is not a domme.  But that’s a side note.  The hash shit then had a new nomination, to Suckit Wrench for hash crash IN circle.  However, whether just to be mean because its fun to get hopes up, or for other reasons, the ayes awarded the hash shit still to Just Miseph.

When hashers collide (in circle)

After the circle closed Counterfit had to leave, something about a long drive home… pah! 🙂  The rest of us went to ABC for tastey tastey fried pickles and more beer.

Next Trail:
7/15, BASH, start TBA by Suckit Wrench
7/20, at Beacon Field in Greenfield, hare Anticock
7/29, trail details TBA by cockmonkey
need hares for later trails.

There may be a LAN party for hasher gamers, since at circle it was discovered that there was a handful of us.

#237 | BASH #1

cockmonkey’s log, Beerdate 7/15/2010

It was a pretty damn nice day out.

It was also a historic day.

Yes!  That is right!  The day we learned Murphy’s Law really just does hate Big Piles.

Actually, the historic event was the FIRST (remembered) Happy Valley BASH!

Wankers who showed up:
Suckit Wrench (hare)
Pussy Factory
Counterfit Dick
Jimmy Crack Whore
Big Piles
Just Miseph
Virgin Jason

The trail was scheduled to start at 6:30 PM, HST.  At that time our intrepid hare was still hiding the beer, so I guess it wasn’t too bad of a reason to start late, especially as there was plenty of prelube.  Unfortunately it was discovered that Anticock did not get the message to bring an extra bicycle so that Just Miseph could cum along.  However, he had a cunning back up plan: go have sex with his girlfriend.  YES!  Despite all appearances to the contrary he’s actually not gay, but its ok if you want to think he is, he doesn’t mind (or is at least used to it).  So some time close to 7:30 PM everyone had arrived (the latecummer being Piles, maybe it would have been for the best if we had started on time) and was ready to roll (literally)!

But wait!  The hare needed to do chalk talk.  And actually explain what “cajun” meant to the virgin instead of assuming everyone knew what it meant!  Good thing that was caught early on.

THEN the hare was away.  And we drank more beer.  Or most of us did.  Piles had no more than a sip of a beer, as I said, this was the day we learned Murphy hates Piles.  Once is an accident, two is coincidence, three is you’re fucked.

After enough dicking around and the last of our cans emptied it was to the road, with of course, only Piles wearing a bicycle helmet.  cockmonkey had brought one, but left it in the car.

The trail started curving down a nice flat road, heading it seemed at first away from everything, only to actually be leading into Amherst Woods (for the non-locals: over priced housing), and then ACTUALLY into the woods.  After having to haul our contraptions over the railroad tracks we reached the railtrail (for the non-local: used to be a railroad, was turned into a bicycle path that starts in Belchertown near Amherst and goes all the way into Northampton… possibly Florence by now).  There were lots of friendly people who were glad to tell us which way to actually go down the trail.

There was a turkey/eagle split.  I could be wrong, but I believe the general reaction upon looking at the “E” trail was “fuck no” and continuing on.

Then back to the road.  WHEEEE!  Cause we were going downhill!  But that was short lived as we had to go uphill and then to flat road.  The flat road soon took us back to off road to a trail that was made of fucking sand.  Seriously, if there’s one thing I hate to ride a bicycle though its sand cause I always think I can then just realize I’m causing myself more pain that its worth.  The sand led to a bridge, but since it was a walking path we got to carry our bikes up and down the stairs on either side, but once again there were friendly ppl to tell us which way to go.

However no sooner than had our intrepid scribe reached the far side when Jimmy Crack Whore appeared asking if I knew the area well cause we needed to call 911 for an ambulance.  Oh.  Turns out no one had brought their phone on trail, but we went back to the head of the sandy trail where there was a baseball field, and found some nice ladies who let me borrow a phone to make the call.  Also fortunately someone who had been swimming under the bridge was a paramedic, who went to help as he could while we waited for the ambulance.

I waited a while.  In fact I saw emergency vehicles go past the end of the road I was on.  After a while I finally called 911 back and found out those were our emergency vehicles, only they were going in a different way. At which point I went back to find the rest of the pack.  An ambulence makes it really easy to find the pack.  It was also about 100 feet from the beer check (thankfully hidden).

I have attached, for those who wish to read, the Epic Story of Big Piles Bash Crash, as told by Piggie, who miraculously was able to almost exactly recreate what happened even though he miles away (possibly on his boat).

Once the emergency crew left we gathered at the neglected beer check and took a few moments to relax with the much needed beverage.  Fortunately it turned out the quickest route out took us by the next beer check and then almost immediately back to the start point.

Circle, we had the normal causes of drinking, including birthdays, where it was discovered that this month cockmonkey is half the age of Anticock (who’s old as of the 29th, just saying, wish him a happy birthday or whatever you want to do).  If only he could be as youthful and sprightly as Piles, who is forever younger than Anticock.  The hash shit wasn’t awarded, because Just Miseph had it with him and was off having sex with his girlfriend.  I do not know if he involved said hash shit in the act.

There was a trail set for two days ago.  Anticock dealt with the hash trash for that.  I was busy watching women take off their clothes and a man swallow a 60″ long balloon that night.  Small crowd, but there was hot tub and good beer, so you all should have been there.  Except Piles cause we can’t expect him to drive that doped up.

The after the trail summary is that Suckit went to Cooley Dick to find out if Piles was ready to be released, only to find he had been transferred to Bay State.  There was some Yakety Sax played as we made sure his vehicle and bike were safe from theft and towing and played phone tag to get this information to Piles.

Next trail is Thursday, July 29th, 6:30 PM (HST), Amherst Amtrack Train Station (its on Main St, shares a parking lot with the back of 409 Main St).


cockmonkey’s log, beerdate 7/29/10

Trail started late cause cockmonkey was stranded in Northampton with a dead battery until 6pm, and the trail was due to start at 6:30.  Of course this meant everyone else was on time.

Knob Doctor
Just Miseph
Suckit Wrench

Trail started before 7pm, even with chalk talk.  For a change it didn’t go into the center of town, but down the hill and towards the Amherst College woods.  It also crossed the train tracks… which had a long train on them right when the pack wanted to take off onto the trail.

At circle we learned that while cockmonkey can run one, its best for there to be other people who actually know the songs.  Hash Shit nominations were mostly for Suckit Wrench and cockmonkey, however the important rule of voting that louder is better was forgotten by the boys, so Suckit Wrench received the honors.  I need to make sure to wash it before the next trail, as I believe it is currently inhabiting the back of his car, along with various tools and car parts…

Announcements: Someone needs to lay the trail next week.


cockmonkey’s log, sometime before October 1st

So, I was lame and got overwhelmed with starting a new job, and maybe should have sent this out sooner.

There was a trail.  It started in the evening.  We saw Big Piles!  Always good to know the Suckit Wrench didn’t permanently break him.

It also looked all day like it was going to be wet and miserable, but at the time of the trail just stayed with dreary skys without any unfortunate leakage.

For once an in-town trail by cockmonkey DID NOT start at the Amherst Train Station!  No!  Instead it started at the CVS parking lot (in the center of town, next to the ABC, not on University Drive).

LaLa (woof)
Counterfit Dick
Suckit Wrench
cockmonkey (hare)
Just Miseph
Just Rachel
Big Piles (holding down the fort at ABC during trail)

AND three people new to HVH3!  Two of the female variety (yay tits) and one of the male variety.  Sadly with my beer-addled mind I can only remember one name, but the name in itself will explain why I did infact remember it.  In attendance we had Patrick, Warrior Princess.  Two of the three were virgins!  Oh it had been so long!  The third probably had experienced some regrowth though.

At the time, no clue was had as to the actual number of this trail, only that it was some value greater than 235 and less than 250.

Chalk talk was brief, once everyone shut up, and the hare was off!

No clue what happened with the pack, but the hare did her best to haul ass, as she had not had time to scout ahead as much as she’d like beforehand and it was all live laid with a self-proclaimed and witnessed slow hariette.

The hare did learn however, that flour & chalk show up poorly on a football field after dark.  Whoops!  But a little assistance given to the pack with a flashing cranium lamp ensured that everyone made it to the beverage, even if it involved some creative routes.

The last half of the trail was freely interpreted by the pack in many different ways, due to hiding marks or deciding it wasn’t worth it to go back when they could still get to the start/end point the way they were going, even if they hadn’t seen any marks for awhile.

The final arrival was a shock.  Just Miseph made FRB going one way, Anticock and Just Rachel were in next going another, and then Counterfit, followed shortly by the new hashers and Suckit going yet another.  Big Piles had been relaxing in the back of Anticock’s truck.  All in all everyone made it back and without any serious injury (chafing discomfort aside).

And in case you missed it, there’s a trail on Sunday at Anticock’s, at 2pm.  You should be there.

#241 | Lingerie Hash

cockmonkey’s log, beer date October 3, 2010

In the far reaches of Wendell we converged for the first Happy Valley Lingerie Run!  YAY!

Anticock (hare)
Dewey (hostess extraordinaire)
Suckit Wrench
Big Piles
Just Miseph
Virgin Ellie
Jimmy Crack Whore
LaLa (woof)

There were going to be a few more hashers but they were too busy wanking off to make the trail.

With his AMAZING powers of precognition Anticock anticipated EXACLTY what each and every one of us would be wearing and made custom tailored hash tags.  They were so accurate that if they were notarized they might be accepted as legal liquor ID.  And since safety matters, Anticock also ensured that there were penis whistles for hashers who forgot theirs at home.

Resplendent in lingerie several sizes too small, intended for different genitalia, and missing a proper tuck, Anticock explained the intricacies of a Cajun trail and the dangers of Wendell.  Fortunately it was Sunday so there would be no hunters, just territorial redneck pot farmers to worry about.

Finally we were off, dashing through the fields to the woods where we discovered signs of the Redneck Tree’s passage, leaving downed branches seeking to ensnare ankles, slowing the trail to a quick walk.  On the way to the first beer check we found evidence of wild beaver, but sadly none were exposed.  There were however successful Tit and Dick checks along the way.

The beer was quite tasty at both checks, the first check having an assortment of snob beers in large bottles, and the second having a few beers with questionable dates and others of questionable taste.  Old Chub made its appearance.

The last leg of the trail took us down the street to the amusement of some local traffic, then back down Anticock’s driveway.

Circle was chilly.  However the promise of meat was in the air with the grill going.  There was the usual range of infractions, as well as occasional drinking for things that we were supposed to do.  In the chill and the desire to get into the hot tub circle was perhaps a little rushed, and the costume contest was forgotten.  The hash shit went to Anticock for excessive testicular exposure, which he accepted with good grace.

Afterwards there was tasty food and hot tubbing, and it was good.


cockmonkey’s log, beerdate 11.14.2010

oh yah, there was this trail.  funny thing, almost no one showed.

Hare: Big Piles!
Yes, he lives and breaths and hares again!

Wankers who showed up:
Suckit Wrench

Wankers who said they would cum and didn’t:
Just Rachel
Pull Outs Will be Prosecuted
maybe some more, but these are the ones I was in communication with.

Now, it seems that there MAY have been some extenuating circumstances about these absences.  Gagreflex may have had money to make, and the earning of beer money is reason to miss trail.  Just Rachel was up late the previous night undulating on stage for the entertainment of others.  And Pull Outs.  Well, it turns out that he finally got laid and just couldn’t cum again.

The trail commenced at the Moan and Dove, where our intrepid pack arrived and found no sign of our hare!  Were we at the correct place?  The correct time?  Could the hare be… dare I say it.. LATE?  But fortunately we are discussing hashing not menstruation, so being late is nothing to worry about.  Methods were used (technology) to remotely contact the hare still setting up trail.  So the resourceful hashers attempted to contact the missing wankers and break into Big Piles vehicle.  After all, Piles did say there was carbonated beverage of some drinkable quality residing inside.

For good or for ill, the hare arrived before we actually got around to the hidden spare key.  Being as it was then at least 2:30pm and trail was scheduled for 2:00pm chalk talk was held and we were off in random directions.  It turns out that the recession had hit our hare harshly, and so he had to be economical with his chalk and flour use.  Finally our skilled detective skills helped us deduce the correct direction.

Happily the beer check was umolested when we arrived, after following an arrow sign labeled “Trail” to the left.  Piles took a picture, but hasn’t sent it to me yet.  Some lovely trail treasure was found to adorn the hash shit, only it was missing along with the hopefully covered testicles of its bearer, Anticock.

Closing circle involved a lot of socials, because when there are only three hashers present why the hell not?

Announcements included:
someone should do a trail in December.
mention of the Black Friday Hash that has already occurred by the time I’m sending this out.
Big Piles got older.
there will be some attempt (*hinthint* still waiting) to set up a blog of sorts on the HVH3 page for posting of hash shit and photos.
planning has begun for Zombie Jesus: The Third Cumming, planned for the Sat of Easter Weekend.  This year there will be prizes, and if I can get my shit together soon, shirts.  More information on that hopefully by January along with some sort of prereg.