Hash Trash From 2023

So in the bleak years of 2017 to apparently now, this storied kennel was full of super lazy wanks, none of which could be bothered to post onto the hash trash of this gloriously hallowed webpage! rest assured, they are still lazy, but one of them is slightly more ambitious than the rest!

Trail #400 Zombie Jesus vs The Robots

Date: April 8th

Hares: Damp Cake and Arachnoshartia

Pack: Can’t bone on Sunday, Tasty Topple, Just Dan, Celine Ding Dong, Counterfeit Dick, Orgasm Banshee, On a Piss and a Dare, My Little Panties, Just Kathy.

The RA had obviously performed the correct sacrifices as the weather was actually surprisingly cooperative for the hash today! We gathered in the back streets of Easthampton to honor that most beautiful of holidays, the day Jesus rose from the grave to strike down the cardboard robot menace that threatened all of our lives!

In attendance were some of the most well designed cardboard machines man has ever assembled along with some of the most hastily constructed carboard machines of war that could be brought to bear against our undead savior! In addition, for reasons unknown but loved, a fried egg made an appearance on trail!

Chalk talk involved most of the usual insanity, plus a couple specifically for the trail, included but probably not limited too, a robot check!

Hares away 20 minutes late, right on time for us, and the war for the soul of humanity was underway, trail was full of twists and turns through the back roads of Easthampton, and it only took about a mile for Jesus to remember that checks are a thing in hash, not just plops, so the race was underway! (Another reason Jesus can’t go hashing…. by the way)

First beer check was in the woods were some of the locals had built a small mountain bike park out of dirt hills, perfect for a beer check… if they actually weren’t there….. but they were! Being slightly too young to recruit, we took our sinning out of the eyes of teenagers and enjoyed our well earned beers far from the eyes of the impressionable youth! Laughs were had about having to move trail due to how nice the cardboard robots looked… and marching them through some almost boner level shiggy made Damp Cake reconsider…. the softy!

Second part of trail saw us in the suburbs moving in towards downtown Easthampton! in the suburbs, we found a herd of small kids on bikes, who were absolutely enamored with the idea of Jesus and a Cardboard robot, and so, they decided to join Jesus humble flock and move with us into downtown! acting as our scouts with such phrases as “Is the egg lady with you guys?! Because they’re chasing after you and are almost here”. Truly the lord works in mysterious ways, as do the hares!

Second beer check was closed, and so we roamed the streets of downtown Easthampton looking for a bar, much to the enjoyment of everyone who was present! Finally finding a bar running on hash time we made our way inside for some well earned lubrication…. i mean BEER! Jokes were had and bar patrons were amused… some shiny new business cards handed out, and word spread of the glory of JESUS CHRIST! HASHER EXTRODINARE!

Final leg of the trail saw the children had waited patiently for Jesus to emerge from his cave/bar and proceeded to come with us, asking if they could help us leave marks for the pack. Jesus of course, beloved to all humanity, gracefully obliged and showed the children the way of the hare, allowing them to draw a picture check, and a couple others, before we bid them a fond farewell! Trail continued for about another mile, continuing until about a half mile before the end of trail, in which the beloved hares ran out of shit to lay trail with… turning the last leg into a social!

Social saw the trials of Christ begin, with 3 shot checks in a row down the benches! for the first trial, root beer schnapps was beloved by all, then for the other two, people suffered as Christ did in the desert and on the cross, with nips of Commander’s Call, a rum so foul even Malort guzzlers recoiled in horror! Definitely one to make it back into rotation for our beloved pack… should they continue to not volunteer and Damp and Arachno keep haring!

Circle was had and the Hash got a piece, as we made our way to the bars in Eastworks to enjoy the end of another great trail, and to spread the word of the hash to more!