2003

An incomplete and confusing history, sadly without any accounting of the Sky Diving trail.

Highway 61 Revisited Hash January 2003

Happy Valley Hash No. 61
a.k.a.” Highway 61 Revisited Hash”

” First of all, lemme preface this Hash Trash – We wuz drinkin’! ”

It all began, innocently enough, kind of like a family car ride. Mom and Dad up front, the kids in the back with the pets. But in this case it wasn’t mom and dad, it was Cainus Lickus and Comes On Vacation up front and the kids in the back were Anti-Cock and Madame Flutterby. Needless to say we ran outta beer by the time we got to Connecticut. This was a road trip Hash, we was going to New Jersey to Hash with the Summit Hashers. And we did….

The Hash was to begin at the Summit Train Station, an old Erie – Lackawanna train Station, right smack dab in the center of Summit. Start time was 1500HRs, Saturday.

We got to Summit kinda early about 1330HRs, so we headed ( Who said….) over to the old Uncle Mikes Bar. Well Uncle Mikes is now an upscale establishment named something else and was not the dive bar of Anti-Cocks mis spent youth. So we followed thee advice of a local and went to a Bar called the Beacon Hill Tavern. Here we consumed mass quantitties of Guiness and other roasted fatty foods, which we discovered later may not be the best way to prep for a Hash Run. From the tavern we dropped off our stuff at COV’s friend’s apartment in Summit ( Nicky- who earned a Hash Name in Ethiopia, and who’s home Hash is Paris) and then moseyed on over to the train station.

At the train station we ran into the Summit Hashers. This was supposed to be a pick-up Hash but someone ( a mystery hare) had laid trail ahead of time. We did an introduction circle and then the good sized pack was off. The trail ran down the tracks and then across them into the shopping center of Summit. We ran thru a parking garage then across Broad Street, then behind the old National Bank. On the far side of the banks parking lot we found the first check, which looked like a Trivial Pursuit game piece. Here the trail was lost for awhile. We checked in many directions for a few blocks, when then a hunting horn was sounded and the Hash was on again. We ran down the street, up a hill thru a parking lot down another street then onto Summit Ave going towards the North ( towards Rte 24) we ran north a ways then turned left into a residential neighborhood. Here is about where we discovered that drinking mass quantitties of Guiness and eating Taylor Ham sandwiches doesn’t necessarily constitute a good pre-Hash regimen. But I managed not to hurl (yet) and stumbled on in pursuit of the first beer check. A couple of blocks further on we heard a group of Hashers to our front, so the group I was with short cutted and missed the Beer check. Luckily, we ran into Cainus and Madame Flutterby who realized that they too had somehow run past the beer check, so we backtracked thru a school parking lot past a football field then into some woods with a stream where we found most of the pack, consuming Rolling Rock Ponies and other brewskis.

As cold as it was the beer tasted and felt really good. Soon enough we were on our way again and ran back thru the school grounds, up onto the street where we made a left and started up towards the center of Summit again. Near Douglas Volkswagen ther was a Chicken / Eagle split. COV and I chose the chicken, whereas Cainus and Flutterby took the Eagle. We ran past the old Fair Oaks detox center ( David Crosby’s home away from home) and up over the train tracks back into Summit Center. We ended the trail at the start point. Here there was a bag car full of Brewskis. But it ws wicked cold and some of us had to vent the excess beer so we crossed the tracks and went to The Office for the first of way too many potables of the evening. We only stayed at the Office for one beer then we went to Scotty’s in Springfield for the

On-After.

The On-After: First thing we noticed when we got to Scotty’s was that Scotty’s has REALLY BIG BEER GLASSES!!! The second thing we noticed was that the bartender ( Who was hot for Flutterby!) was wearing a micro miniskirt and had plenty of cleavage. ( “Can you dig just a little deeper for a really cold one Miss?”) We began the on-in circle and we sang many a tarty hasher song. The Summit Hashers asked about the trail, and as is our tradition I replied: “SHITTY TRAIL!!!” [ Doesn’t matter how good the trail is, it’s always, SHITTY TRAIL] Anyway, I guess that’s not their tradition cause they made me do a down down for that. Some of my friends from NJ joined us at the bar, and the Summit H3 MADE them do down downs for being non-Hashing visitors, which only endeared them to the Hashers that much more quickly. Anyway we did various down downs for this or for that. It was alot of fun. One of the things the Summit Hashers made us do was sing a visitors chorus. Ah, I can’t remember which song we chose, but I remember it was one we all knew the words to. We did a lot of song singing, and Scotty’s isn’t exactly a bar that is hasher sort of friendly, although the manager was nice enough to allow us to sing as long as we would stop using the

“F- Word” so often. Which we obliged him – for about 3 minutes ( Yogi is a Packers Fan, HATES THE FUCKIN’ – FUCKIN” BEARS!!!” – Nice goin’ Flutter) Things were going along nicely, all of us drinking liter (or were they two liter?) steins of beers. – When somebody got the bright idea that it was time to start drinking shots. We drank Blue Shots, Brown Shots, Wild Turkey Shots, and thats when things got a wee bit fuzzy. Next thing I remember was when I was puking into Nicky’s bathroom sink.

The next morning broke bright and sunny. COV kind of filled us in on the details about leaving Scotty’s. Early in the am. Nicky and I picked up Dunkin Donuts Coffee and fresh bagels from the Bagels 4 You on Morris Ave. We also went to Natale’s Bakery in Summit for fresh goodies. We sat around her apartment, then we all drove to the Great Swamp for a hangover hike. Which was really nice, but it built up a thirst so we went to the Meyersville Inn for brewskis and Munchies. We started right in again and drank our share of Blackened Voodoo Lagers, Porters, and various stouts. We stayed long enough to watch most of the Eagles/ Tampa Bay game then drove back to Nicky’s then got on the road for home. We got as far as the New York border when we had to stop – FOR MORE BEER. then we drove home.

We all agreed it had been alot of fun and that the Summit Hashers were a really fun and inviting group. Thanks Summit H3. I hope we can repay your hospitality some time in the near future. A big thanks to Nicky, for her putting up with our antics for two days, and also a big thankyou to Cainus for cleaning up my spew from Nicky’s sink.

On the ride home we held a mismangement meeting to begin discussing our upcumming HVH3 69th run. We also discussed the details for No.62 which will be Sunday, February I thinks it the 2nd? that first weekend in february. It’ll be at the Harp at the usual start time of 1400HRs.

Anti-Cock
HVH3 Scribe

HVH3 #60

Date: 8 MAR 03 HVH3 #60

Location: Amherst, Mass. “A to A Hash” (start/finish) The Harp in North Amherst.

Weather / Illumination: Bright and sunny – in the upper 40’s, with one full moon…

HVH3 Hare: Live Hared by Cainus Lickus

HVH3 Faithful: Hand Job, Mr. Hankey, Comes On Vacation, Dewey Do Me, Anti-Cock, Zuni, Scruffy, and Ellie May.

Out here, the Happy Valley has seen piles of snow on the ground for months. So on a day when going for a walk meant not having to sink up to your waist in snow, we hashed the wretched trail that Cainus Lickus has been trying to put to rest for months.

This trail was live hared. The pack assembled outside the Harp in North Amherst as the hare described his hash marks. Using the usual chalk and for this occasion, bright blue Hash, he asked for a fifteeen minute cranium start.

As his time ran out, the pack proceeded up Cowls Lane to the first check at Rte 63. Now since this trail has been used before, we thought we knew which way it would go. So, we blindly went north on Rte 63, but spied no hash marks. We retraced our steps and discovered that the wily Cainus Lickus had shied from the percieved route. We checked for trail and found it running south along 63 until it entered the Mill River Recreation Area. Here the trail went into the playing fields and stream area. We checked for awhile then found true trail running easterly towards an area of small streams and slippery bridges. The trail zig-zagged back and forth but emerged just below the waterfall and dam at Puffers Pond. We followed hash south on Mill Street and up State Street. There was a check just below Factory Hollow and true trail was found as it had us cross the frozen surface of Puffers Pond. It was here that even in the bright light of an early March afternoon that we saw a “full moon” come out…

Anyway a few steps further on it was a “BN” sign, that eternal sign so special and close to the hearts of all true Hashers. Of course this involved climbing a slippery steep slope ( about 20-30 feet almost vertical) to the beer check. A quaint little beer check it was; Murphys Irish Stout, Beamish and Tetleys Ale, Yum Yum!

After soaking in the sun and suds, the pack followed hash to Mill Street. Just before we emerged on the Ass – Fault, C.O.V. had to go back to the check to look for Scruffy. She eventually caught up to the pack on Pulpit Hill Road. Pulpit Hill led back to 63, where we turned south and then back to Cowls Lane and the Harp.

After a round of Ale was dispensed we had the closing circle in the Harp. Some songs of merriment were followed by tough analysis of the trail. Most gave the trail and hare marks in the range of 6.9 – most were generally happy that this bastard step-child trail was finally laid to rest. Although no guarantees were made that it wouldn’t be used again!

It was decided to award the “Hash shit” to the Hare, but then it dawned on us that the hash shit is in the possession of one who is spending the next few months at the “beach with no water”. That’s right, Flutterby has the hash shit, he will be made to do a big down – down for leaving CONUS without returning it.

Anyways, we had a few pitchers more and some good munchies ( although those Irish nachos were gross). Before the pack left in peace, we decided to get back to our every two week schedule. That would make our next hash – March 23. But that is the same weekend as “Two Bods and a Cod Part Deux” So, Mis-managers, we should decide if some or all of us want to do the Cape Cod hash. Flutterby went last year and said it was really fun, and Boston H3 voted it their best trail/ Hash weekend of last year.

The following weekend, March 29th, BMP will be back. That is also the weekend to mark the farewell to the Hardfart Hash as Priscilla and Swamp Thang are moving to Chattanooga. [I will CC this to the Hardfart H3 so they’ll know we should coordinate on this one. Priscilla and S.T. can you call us so we can coordinate? ]

It’s expected that if we stick to this calendar, then the HVH3 69th will be the weekend of June 21st.

PS, Drippi, you still monitor this freq. dontcha? Can you cum up for the weekend of March 29th? As far as that goes, is Black Hole on the HVH3 mail list?

Your HVH3 Scribe,
Anti-Cock

HVH3 #63 11MAY03

HVH3 #63
Amherst, Mass.
Hared by Hand Job?
1300HRS
SP: Parking Lot of Rafters Sports Bar.
HVH3 present for the Hash: Comes On Vacation, Cainus Lickus, At Your Cervix, Cajonas, Madame Flutterby, Throbbing Member, Anti – Cock
HVH3 Wanker who was backsliding but who got caught on trail: Mother’s Little Douche Bag.
Visitors: BH3, Hare Club for Queers. Hartford H3, Follow My Tits
Hash Virgin: Just Herb – from Ellington.

SP was changed from 1400HRS to 1300HRs, just to confuse visitors. It worked and Hare Club joined us as a latecummer, sortof, more on that later…

I drove in from Florence and was a little early and unexpectedly ran into the Hare as she was presetting trail near the Maze on the U-Mass campus. She ambushed me and decorated my vehicle with an unknown white powder.

Anyway, the assembled Hashers circled up behind Rafters and pre-lubed with many many brewskis and hard cider. We were joined by the Virgin Herb, who took to hashing like a duck to water. He was coaxed, or should I say, made to cum by Cervix who enticed him to the Hash via a chat room.

The Hare explained her marks and the pack was off by about 1345 HRS. Just before we left the SP, I think I heard the Hare say something about having used only one stick of chalk and half a bag of flour. Little did I or the pack realize the implications of that statement till later.

As we left the parking lot, it rather quickly became apparent that the hash marks were few and far between. Half of the hounds went west along Amity Street while the other half went east. Cajonas spied trail in the parking lot of the old Louis’ Supermarket. Meanwhile at that same moment, Comes On Vacation nabbed a backsliding

Mother’s Little Douche Bag as he tried to enter a store in that strip mall. I accosted him and wrote On-On on the backsliding part of his shorts and he was coaxed into joining us for the trail. He was AWOL by the next check!

Trail then went up and east on Amity then into the sidestreets of a condo complex. Trail here was hard to follow. Somehow we found trail again on Amity then it crossed over onto Lincoln St. ( I think it was Lincoln St) Trail ran south and we went as far as a right turning arrow into some woods behind a dog kennel. We lost trail there. We went back to the street and ran south to Route 9, but could not find trail. Throbbing Member, the Virgin, Cervix, and Cajonas somehow found a hash mark down a trail into a construction site. The hash marks led this a way and that away further confusing the pack. Some went into a parking lot of a Nursing home while FMT and myself shortcutted and found hash along a pond. As we exited the pond area we came close to the SP and saw Hare Club walking around the parking lot of Rafters. At this point, Comes On Vacation joined us back at Rafters because she too had lost trail. We tried to back track the trail from the SP but could not find more than a couple of hash marks. Comes On Vacation and I decided that the best strategy would be to go into Rafters and start DRINKIN’, so we Did, and it was GOOD! FMT and Hare Club went south on University Drive and apparently found the rest of the Wankers at a Hoboes Camp behind the CVS and Post Office on University Drive. It must have been there that the rest of the pack lost trail and decided to go back to Rafters and start drinking. The re-united pack commenced drinking BBC Kolsch by the pitcher and consuming Hot Wings. We were soon joined by the Hare who got lonely at the Beer Check.

We had a few pitchers and plate of wings then went out to the parking lot for a closing circle. I’m very happy to report the return of the Happy Valley hashshit by Flutterby. It was a close vote as to who to award it to, between Hand Job and Flutter, but because he had kidnapped it before he went to that sandy place with no beach, we decided he should get it. The Hare was made to do some down downs, which she did like a trooper and the virgin was duly christened. BTW, Just Herb likes sheep as his favorite barnyard animal (lookout Cream Whora, competition!), and for the benefit of our Brethren Hashers to the East, you’ll be pleased to know that Virgin Herb knew that the Square Root of 69 was “Ate Something”. He also made mention of something having to do with a “Lonely Abortion”, Hmmmm? Sounds kindof Catchy doesn’t it?????

Anywho, trail was rated as “Ambitious”, “5.9” and other sordid comments were made.I’m sure I’m forgetting something or other but the Genny Cream Ale was flowing quite well, especially on top of all the Kolsch.

We will now be switching over to Thursday nights.

I’m not sure when that is , Cainus, refresh my memory.

Anti-Cock
HVH3 Scribe.

Hash Trash HVH3#65 from Th May, 22

Hare: Comes on Vacation
Where: Cushman Village common
When: Th May 22, 2003

So there we were, one of those typical Late Winter/Early Summer May evenings… both of us… wondering if this would turn into a beer check retreival hash.

And then in the not so distant distance roars the ever dependable NFN Herb (two hashes in a row, we’re easy to please), all the way from somewhere in CT.

So, we pondered a bit as to whether we had the appropriate quorom to properly commit hash, when via actually functioning high-technology a crew from Worcester rang that it was on it’s way. Six, yes six, soon to arrive hashers forced our hare into setting trail.

Chalk talk and a full 14:30 Cranium start for the hare and pack of 8 is off. Checks run out down railroad tracks and streets before a most awful Check Back 8 found by yours truly. The pack had meanwhile managed to discover the obvious trail back those 8 checks, by just checking that little side trail into the woods. If only I had followed that back there.

Woodland trails split thisaway and thataway with true trail being the most uphill, of course. And glory of glories a beer check where there was much joy from the Worcester hash with the discovery of Geeny Screamers (That’d be Gennesse Cream Ale brewed from the freshest water Rochester,NY has the offer, some sort of rice/grain mixture and the barest waving of hops in the general vicinity of the brewery, oh, it’s quality I tell yah!) Every last drop was taken care of and off again.

The pack took off again following wooded trail, running out check after check. Graciously, true trail ran down hill… for a bit… Over the hill and through the woods and over the river… (couldah been a cool water crossing, hare… but I digress… again) Your scribe was oh so cockily ahead (who said?) of the pack at this point when “the check that would not die” appeared. Running out three, count ’em three, falses with the help of NFN Deege, who then found true trail into the sand pits. Wet shoes, sand… good mix. Winding thisaway and thataway it became clear that the hare had just gotten herself lost in there when trail dashed for the woods, over road, bridge, along river and up the railroad tracks, which by this time, the pack had crossed three times. On back to the start, where we waited for the ever straggling Master-Nater/Baiter who will likely be able to give great details about every inch of trail… Not to outdone NFN Herb pulled in just before the search crews were notified.

(the choronological order, severity, and details of above events may have been altered for dramatic effect and to fit your email window)

Circle was lamely led by your GM and scribe, Canis L. (where’s that Flutterboy) with FRB, DFL, FBI, Virgin, Hare, shortcutting, and “hey, you didn’t get one yet” down-downs spread about the pack. All to the choruses of barely intelligible lyrics. (note to self: practice hash
songs when possible; grocery store, driving to work, meetings, jury duty, dentist chair are all available upcumming times)

And no one even looked at the great big stone salamander in the middle of Cushman common. Well, there was beer…

On-After at the Harp with pitchers of fine Boddingtons, Guiness, Sierra, BBC Maibock. We learned far more than needed about the size of Black Hole’s bladder, the competiveness of Just DJ regarding this, the joys of months under water in a big ‘ol tube with 119 other men
and 60 bunks, the best countries in Europe for; Porn, Brothels, Cheap booze, women willing bed with any sailor that can walk, best male-female and male-male ratio (depending on your persuasion) in no particular order: Britain, Norway, Deutschland, Italy?, Denmark and some others. You Match ’em up the way you prefer, perhaps do the research yourself in just a few years donated to the defense of your country. There was also a Navy vs. Airforce verbal repartee match-up which presently stands at 40-15, respectively. Other stuff about how easy it is to get hit on while in Austrailia, genuine Virginal status, the propensity for Master N/B to fall into South Park voice, the correct pronunciation of Mynewt, and whether small children are appropriate for a bar like the Harp finished out the evening. If the Worcester hashers found their way home and via what route is a
question that remains unanswered.

The Pack:
HVH3: Comes on Vacation (Hare), NFN Herb the sub-mariner, Canis Lickus, De-funkt Worcester: Black Hole, Master-Nater/Baiter, My-newt Dick, Just Toby, Just DJ?/Deege?, Virgin JT21 legal in all 50 states Kendra
Scribe for the 64th: Canic Lickus
On-On

HVH3 No.65

Date/ Time Group: 0305291830 ( May 29, 2003 – 6:30 p.m. )
Location: SP Gorff Park, South Amherst, off Rte116
Mission: Good old fashioned hashin’
Hare: Cainus Lickus
HVH3 Faithful: Comes On Vacation, Madame Flutterby, Cajonas, Mothers Little Douchebag, NFN Herb ( hash No. 3 for him), Anti-Cock, NFN Ch. Aberdeen’s Cocoa Puff of Osi ( “Puffer” )
Virgins: Just Amy, and Just Nadine

The pack assembled in the parking lot of the park and pre – lubed with some tasty beverage. Chalk talk was given, and the Hare was given a 15 minute cranium start. The pack gave the Hare about as much time as was requested and then was off in pursiut of Beer, shiggy and whatever.

The trail followed the course of a stream, more or less, and then the trail shigged and shagged this a way and that a way, thru brambles, farm fields and power line right of ways. That pre – mentioned stream was always right there and anticipation built as we wondered when we would have to cross it.

The trail eventually came out at a bridge above a road, where the pack had to search for true trail. MLDB eventually spied true trail as it went under the bridge and down an embankment then thru and around that stream again. Here trail got a bit shiggilicious!

But then there was a sign of salvation, and it was good! (BN) the BN found us consuming high quality Beamish and Boddintons on a foot bridge above said stream.

Too soon, On – On brought us back onto trail. Trail got quite slippery and gooey ( Nice touch Cainus!) But then it emerged onto what I think was the Norwotuck Rail Trail.

Trail went along the bike pathway for awhile then scooted off to the right and on to the second beer check. I must mention that it was a really scenic trail throughout the Hash, farm fields, nice vistas, no bugs, etc. Good amount of mud and water. After the second beer check, trail proceeded onto some ass fault back to the SP.

At the SP some of us went for the first Nekkid swim of the season ( BTW, Brrrrrr the water was COLD!) and then we did Circle.

Madame Flutterboy was nice enuf to RA. Violations were paid for, to include MLDB’s recent backsliding incident where he got caught doing laundry right next to an SP!!! And other sundry infractions.

The Virgins, who are Virgin no more, impressed those of the HVH3 assembled with their skills, wit and charm ( And ability to Quaff copius amounts of brew quickly) Virgin Amy’s favorite sexual position involves a trapeze, and Virgin Nadine’s favorite barnyard animal is a cow, because she likes to pull on Teats! ( I couldn’t make that one up!)

BTW, NFN Herb has taken to Hashing like a duck to water! Not only is it nice to have newbies around, but High Quality Newbies is outstanding.

On In was at the Moan ‘n Dove. It was something like poetry night for drunks, or somethin’. We drank some, and then spotted a HVH3 list lurker, Chuggerbomb! Chuggerbomb was caught and did a Scotch down – down. He was coaxed to cum to the next hash, so we’ll have to work on him. I left at about 2200HRs so if anything else happened, those responsible will have to relate it. On my return home I was greeted by two nekkid women in my hot tub, but we’ll save that for a bedtime story sometime in the future.

HVH3 Scribe
Anti – Cock

PS, next hash might be changed from a Thursday night to Sat June 14, or Sunday June 15. Flutterby to Hare. Probably at his abode in Granby.

HVH3 No.66

And now a quote from the prophet Tommy Chong:
“Flutter ain’t here, man!”

What: Happy Valley H3 Hash No. 66
Where: Spanking behind the shed across the street from Atkins Farm Stand in South Amherst, Mass.
Hare: Comes On Vacation, speaking of which – she’s on vacation….
HVH3 Faithful: Cainus Lickus, Mother’s Little Douche Bag, Anti-Cock, and the faithful HVH3 Hounds.

The Woeful Tale, or “How Flutter Can’t Read a Calender”, part one.

A couple of weeks ago, Madame Flutterby axed to be the Hare for our next Hash. But alas, Thursday night was not good for him, so he said he’d throw the hash on Sunday, June 15th, Fathers Day and all, but that we’d do a BBQ etc. at his humble abode in Granby. ( Hand Job, That’s why there was no Hash on Thursday night).

As the date approached, no word on details emerged, but that was to be expected, because Flutter was known to be wanking off in Las Vegas. But at the last minute the Hare got jet lag or Jack Daniels lag or something because his hash got cancelled.

Boo Who you say?

Never underestimate the resilience of a Hasher Scorned, because COV needed to Hash!!! And I and CL and MLDB answered the call of beer in the wild!!!

Tommy Chong: “Flutters not here man!!!”

Anyway, Flutter did say that he’d rather just do a Mismangement at the Old Ale House at 1930HRs, so we figured we’d do a hash at 1800, and do the on-in at the Moan & Dove, simple enuf, right?

Unfortunately, most of the double digit kennel that’s been cumming lately must have gotten fooled by all the chatter going back and forth, so the expected virgins didn’t appear, and even NFN Herb didn’t show. ( More about him later)

The Hare asked for a 15 minute cranium start and by golly she got a good ten minutes. The trail proceeded along an old railroad spur, which led into the Notch’s Visitor Center network of trails ( Along the Holyoke Range). MLDB sorta , kinda, was an FRB, except he got PHUCKED by a well laid set of hash marks , which had him running hither and thither, but not on True Trail. Cainus spied true trail, but I meandered along and as MLDB buzzed back and forth by me, i caught up to/met CL at the junction of TT and the trail I was on. We ran here up a nice little grade, thru some muddy shig, then down to a talus pile beside a quarry and the most holy of holies was sighted, “BN”.

MLDB and Cainus climbed the slippery pile of talus and did not find the beer. I loped around the bottom of the piles and soon snatched the brews from their cairn. I shouted,” Go look down there a ways”, but they spotted the bag ‘o brews in my hand, busted again.

We found out later that COV was watching us this entire time, but outfoxed us , as she ran the out trail back up the In trail. It worked well.

We proceeded, back whence we came, and soon circled up for more beer and song.

At the circle it was decided ( EASILY DECIDED) that Madame Flutterby would have to do many, many Down -Downs . We thought that Tequila laced drinks would be the order of the day, but that could wait until later at the Moan & Dove.

The circle left in peace and the on-in was the next destination.

And now the words of the Prophet Tommy Chong,

“Flutters not here man!”

Ah huh!, You guessed it, Flutterby was not at the Moan & Dove. He will pay heavily in Down-Downs.

But we ordered a Pizza and consumed some of the finer offerings from the Ale House’s list.

I offered to hare the next hash, which I think I’ll make a Sunday, because it seems more people can make sundays than Thursday nights, but I’m open on that. Can people e-mail their preference please? I’ll go with the most votes.

Anti-Cock

ps, keep July 12, 13 open for Buffet II

HVH3 #68, Hash Trash

Well, seeing that the BuffetII HVH3 #69 Host/Hare chose to scribe up his own Hash I’ll do the same. Surely it wasn’t to make himself look better…

Anyway,
HVH3 Hash#: 68 Thursday, July 10 18:30
Hare: Canis Lickus
Where: The Harp, 163 Sunderland Rd., Amherst, MA “The trail that just won’t go away.”
Pack: Throbbing Member, Handjob?, Comes on Vacation
Late cummers: Mr. Hanky, Anti-Cock

With the hare waiting outside the Harp, first cummer Throbbing Member shows about 18:15, followed in Hash Standard Time by Handjob?, Comes on Vacation with the two hash mutts. Chalk talk was short and the hare off onto the assfault having requested a 10 minute cranium start.

The pack o’ three (the hare was told) even gave aa excess o’ time before hitting trail. Finding the first check and the one false trail; the hunt for true trail began. Hunting went On and On and ON…… and ON…. but never turned to ON-ON…. A sad day.

Meanwhile…. the Hare is completing trail in an area that will remain nameless, when Anti-Cock strolls up with uncanny timing in respectable looking garb to the place where he thinks the Beer-check was to be. “WTF?” mumbles hare, “Are U?” grins Anti-Cock, thinking he’s seen this trail before. Well, politely giving directions to AC, the Hare sends the wanker off to the real beer check.

Back at the trail, having searched out their patience, Comes on Vacation leads Throbbing Member off toward where she believes trail will lead…. (clever, clever) and they stumble on trail. BUT, apparently find trail after the hare had set the ON-IN (what a slow pack) But the prospect of a beer check out there forces them onward. Doing some sort of backward trail seeking they never find the blessed BC but will appear in our story later.

The timing must have been uncanny, cuz our hare finds Handjob? still doing her level best to find the damn trail from the first check… (No it was not a snaring, the last hash mark having been laid.) Hare hand holds Hasher Handjob? through the trail ’til it exits onto a
short assfault section where the two BC searching Hashers are seen in the not to distance with AC auto hashing back back start-ward momemts later. Much verbal “shitty trail” abuse is heaped on the Hare, and the decision is made to ride to the Beer Check. The trail to Beer is fully explained to AC who somehow couldn’t find the Beer… (Must’ve
been a bit ill that evening, dussied up nice, no hashin’ shoes, no funny shirt, no camo anywhere on the boy, barely recognizable that evening.)

So the pack rounds up at the retrieved Beer Check, chosen so lovingly by the hare along the low running Mill River babbling along nicely. Beer was cool and good (HVH3 always has the choicest selections at the Beer Check.), water was running a plenty per Throbbing’s request, the hashers were reunited, all was well.

Quick ride back to start and circle had late cummer Mr. Hanky showing up to round it out a bit more. Down downs for Hare (shitty trail but still rated a 6.9 on the Hash 1 to 10 scale even in the face of choruses of “Handjob? trail!, Handjob? trail!), back sliders, late cummers, violaters gave everyone a taste of the beverage of the gods. (Except for our hasher whose brewing another.) A little bit of religion sent us, On-After into the Harp with Boddingtons and pub fare.

The hare insists that this trail will not truly be done ’til it’s been fully done. Look for yet another Hash at the Harp in the future. And bigger, brighter, easier to snare hash marks (how the f*&k could they miss the pink chalk arrow less than 30 ft. from the check?)

Scribing my own: Canis Lickus

Buffet II “The Revenge” July 12 | HVH3 No. 69

Okay, so I’m the scribe – but it feels a little funny doin’ a hash trash for a Hash you’ve co-hared. But here goes, If somebody would like to, I’d sure appreciate it, that you write up your version of the weekends festivities and trail. Thanks, AC.

HVH3 No. 69, Yep! Our 69th.

Location: Well let’s just say, “Wastin’ away again in Wendellville”
Hash Theme: Buffett
Trail: Death March – 6 1/2 miles of pure Wendell shiggy. (Mountain Laurel thickets, Water obstacles, swamps, mosquitos, deerflies, etc…)

List of Hashers: Co-hares/ Anti-Cock, Cainus Lickus, Madame Flutterby.
HVH3: Dewey Do Me, Comes On Vacation, Mothers Little Douche Bag, Cajonas, Packed Full’ah Seamen
BH3: Bang Cock,Manage A Twat, Pony Express, Cum Chowdah, Just Heather/ Beaver, Cums Alone, Puff ‘N Stuff, Paris Sucks, Heat Seaking Nipple Finder, Sponge Bath Square Pants, Rodent Feltcher, Fudge Sickle, Anal Avenger, Deposits In Rear, Shaves A Hairy Ass, Wintoes, Just Denise, and a couple more virgins whose names are not in front of me, but we can do an addendum later.
Woosta’ H3: Blackhole, Masta Nater, My Newt Dick, Just Cory, Just Toby, Just Deej, Missing Nuts
Hardfarts: Follow My Tits.

I Think I’m forgetting a couple. Beer and Jack Daniels for three days has nothing to do with it…

People started to arrive Friday night. It was raining , but the small crowd tapped the kegs and got on with the serious business of partying. Mostly we were rather tame and were saving our energy for Saturday.

Saturday saw most of the arrivals. People set up tents and shuffled cars ( and a huge shaggin’ wagon RV ) we also had enough time for a copule of beers before trail began.

Madame Flutterby did the chalk talk and explained trail markings, (blue hash, orange tape, and chalk). A Safety brief was then sortof held. Meanwhile we were passing a bottle of green label Jack Daniels around the circle. It went around aaand around about three times and was then gloriously drained.

Then it was On-On! Trail went right out of the driveway, south on Locke Village Road. A check was soon sighted with many of the pack choosing a false rather than true trail, but they soon turned around and headed (yeah, yeah, Who said…) into the woods. Trail wigged and wagged thru dense underbrush and then emerged onto a section of abandoned road. Trail proceeded due west. The FRBs mistook a plain orange tape for true trail, which caused some to veer off trail. The trail then snaked thru tough underbrush at the site of the old Bullard Farm. Here trail crossed Old Bullard Farm Road and continued west into really deep woods. I believe Anal Avenger somehow began his own trail at about this point. Cainus and I were sweeping trail, but somehow Anal Avenger was missed. A couple other Hashers were lured off trail here, Masta Nater and Packed Fullah Seamen, to name a couple, FMT too I Think.

Anyway, trail got thick going into, around, Mountain Laurel Thickets, a stream full of dive bombing mosquitoes, and a small swamp. At the stream, a cleverly laid and very long false got qiute a few people off trail. The FRBs followed the false, but the rest of the pack heard the FRBs and went offtrail to follow the sounds – BUT, by then the FRBs were already returning, causing confusion in the ranks. This did have the desired effect of slowing everybody down. Packed Fullah Seamen and Masta Nater caught up at this point, along with Cainus and FMT. ( But still no AA)

Trail continued west to West Street in Wendell. A check at the emegence point was reached with true trail going north on West Street. A very long false led south.

True trail then led to the intersection of Montague Road and a check, with a short false to the east. True Trail continued west about one mile to the first beer check. Everyone caught up here except Anal Avenger. In our Jack Daniels shrouded minds, we somehow neglected to save him a beer. ( Sorry bout that). True trail then commenced west again on Montague Road thru the Wendell State Forest. There were many falses laid and almost all the falses were followed by many people.

Trail then went into the Ruggles Pond Picnic and Recreation Area. It curved around the beach and the back side of the pond. Trail then should have been followed giving a wide berth to a small swampy area, but for some reason, some Hashers decided to cross a log thru a muddy section and got pretty muddy themselves. Trail bent around the back of Ruggles Pond then ran uphill thru shiggylicious woods to the second beer check on Brook Road. Blackhole and Comes On Vacation were the first Wankers to reach the second beercheck.( I know, cause I shortcutted to the beercheck to greet them! )

Trail then went north on Brook Road to the Turkey / Eagle split. People were forewarned that the Eagle trail would involve swimming about 250 yards across Wickett Pond. Most people chose the Eagle and were refreshed by the swim.

Trail then went NE to the Wickett Pond Boat Launch beach and the third beer check. Cainus and I threw Madame Flutterby into the Pond because he chose the Turkey trail. ( It was a payback for him because he and Sphincter did that to me at last years Wendell hash.) 🙂

Anyway, the trail pretty much beelined for about two miles back to the SP via Wickett Pond, Montague and Locke Village Roads.

Folks had a long time to do beer rejuvenation before the circle.

Circle was RA’d by Puffy, who was still nursing a hoarse throat from last weeks TITS Hash. The HVH3 got to name NFN Herb. From hence forth he will be known as, “Packed Fullah Seamen” in honor of his service to this country as a submariner. ( He can be called “Packie” for short in honor of his love affair with beer.) The Woostah H3 got to name one of their own too.

The name, ” Comes Half Way”, was bestowed on ( I think it was) NFN Toby.

Many, many violations were paid for in numerous down downs. One violation was paid for in a way I’d never seen done before. Flutterby was accused of something, and had to do an Anal Down Down off of Anal Avenger’s Ass Crack. I had to do a “69” down down, which was sortof Australian? I had to do a hand stand and try to break the law of gravity by drinking a beer. It didn’t really work.

Circle eventually was broken after much revelry, song and religion.

After chow, FMT started a bonfire back by the barn. Most of the evenings revelry continued back there, but no one violated any of the sheep or our Llama.

A Midnight Naked hash was held at about “Oh Dark 45” ( 12:45 a.m.)

Most everyone awoke rather early on Sunday and had farm fresh eggs, bacon, sausage, beer, coffee, whiskey, biscuits, toast, more beer and whiskey, etc.

I’m leaving some stuff out, but this is getting way too long,( But not as “Too damn long” as yesterdays trail. 🙂

Dewey and I wanna thank everybody for cumming. As hosts we had a really great time. We had lots of help and it is very much appreciated. Special thanks to the co-hares and COV. COV and Cainus printed out tags and hooked them up with lanyards, and also did some tee shirt iron ons for the HVH3 69th. If you’d like one, I think their plan is to make Tee shirts with the same design, and you can place an order with them.

Anti-Cock
HVH3 Scribe

HVH3 No.70

Jumping a “HEAD”, WHO SAID…..anyway – I was informed last night at the

On-In that the HVH3 hashes do indeed have names – It’s just that I can’t remember what last nights hash was named. ( Was it something like “Swampus Shiggalicious Maximus” ? ) I dunno,

HVH3 No. 70
U-Mass Campus – SP at the softball field north of the stadium.
Start: 1930HRs ( 24 JUL 03 )
Hare: The wiley, Comes On Vacation
Hounds: Cainus Lickus, Packed Fulla’ Seamen, Anti-Cock, and new cummer (but local Hasher) Dick.Com
Late Arrivals: Madame Flutterby and Mother’s Little Douche Bag

The pack assembled at the appointed hour and we all arrived at about the same time. “In time” as it turned out to see the Hare return to the SP after apparently just setting the beer check. She was covered from the midriff down in swampy, wet looking mud. The was a good omen.

As is tradition, the hare broke out same tasty suds before the Chalk talk commenced. The hash markings were explained, and then the hare asked for a Cranium start. Off she sped, westerly, around the old running track that surrounds the atheletic fields at U-Mass.

Newbian, but veteran, Dick.Com suggested a few rousing songs, i.e. “Father Abraham”, but the small pack deferred, preferring instead to drink ourselves into a good pre-hash stretch. ( Twelve ounce curls )

At the mark, we were off in search of the Hare. We followed her lead and were soon running quite a ways around the old running track, but alas that wascully wabbit had twicked us again! A False trail had us return almost all the way to the SP, some actually ran past the SP, while I ran out across the field next to the softball field. But nothing was sighted until Cainus searched an old tarred track that led to the parking lot near the football stadium. On On was yelled and soon the pack was searching this a way and that a way around the stadium for hash marks. True trail was spied running along the western boundary of the stadium, towards the Maze. ( There was alot of searching going on before this was noticed.) True trail then hit a check near the cross street beyond the Maze. Here we had a lot of searching to do as falses definitely slowed us down. True trail was scouted as it left the assfault on disappeared into the woods near the old slaughterhouse.

Now, these “Woods” were a small challenge unto themselves. At this point the skies opened up and let loose a deluge, which just made the Hash that much more fun! Anyways, the ground through these woods was like a little catacomb for each step. Little ankle twisters all. So the going was slow, then, we hit the swamps. Now, I’m not a veteran of tramping through the Mekong Delta, but that image is what you should keep in mind as we trudged through that shiggy. Luckily for Dick.Com and myself, Packie (who was leading the splashfest at this point) managed to mark every deep hole for us by diving into almost everyone of them. Thanks, Packie!

At one point,we thought we had strayed off trail, but at that moment we stepped on an orange flower hash mark, and a shout of “Beer Near!” was heard. We leaped across one more rain swollen ditch ( Packie dove into that one too) and emerged just west of the Maze. A perfect Rainbow enveloped the sky with the beer check right in the middle of it. We took this as a sign from above that it was time to mosey on over to the ON-IN, so we did, but first we had to walk back to the SP and have the Circle.

Cainus Lickus RA’d the circle. Down Downs were awarded to the Hare. Comments included: ” Trail wasn’t wet enough” – Dick.Com, “Not enough sticker bushes shredding our skin” – Anti-Cock, ” Not enough blood” – Packed Fullah Seamen. and Cainus awarding the trail a 6.9

Songs sung included: The little bird sitting on a pole, the down down song, and some other ones. New Cummer Dick.Com was awarded a down down and some song was sung followed by a special chorus of the old classic by Sgt. Barry Sadler: “Training Bras Upon Their Chests, These are Girls – Americas Best…”

Next stop was the On In at The Hanger. As we entered the bar we were met by Madame Flutterby and MLDB. Flutter had gotten us a table and soon the brews and wings were flying down our throats. A big plate of Super Nachos also did the hasher disappearing act.

The Next Hash ( No.71) will be the first week in August. Can somebody please do the Scribe duties for that one.

Anti-Cock
HVH3 Scribe

HashTrash HVH3 #71 The “Who’ll stop the Rain/Is that Noah?” ramble

HVH3# 71 “Who’ll stop the Rain/Is that Noah?”

Amherst Town common
Start: 18:45 8 Aug 03
Hare: Madame Flutterby
Hounds: Comes on Vacation, Canis Lickus, NFN Heather, Handjob?, Virgin Steve
Late cummers: At Your Cervix

So the evening was looking to be another steamy wet hot moist slippery…. ahem… Where was I.

There he was, the hare, looking forelorn on the Amherst common… again. The hare was alone to be joined by two more hashers just gettin’ tired of the constant rain. Whinging on about the liquid sunshine entertained us and NFN Heather arrived. More whinging until our very own lumpy hasher came with virgin in tow. About here was when we found out that the hare had cleverly waited until the rain had passed to lay a goodly length of trail… then… the rain came again… and all that effort, all that planning, all that hard work, the advance
thought, the scouting, the (you get the idea)… washed down the drain. Beer was needed, needed soon. The curse of the pre-laid trail had struck again. With a pack of five, the weather whining continued until, the decision had to be made.

The choice was to give the hare the briefest of leads as he took off, to the south, I believe. A quick right with pack close behind, clearly seeing him, nearly catching him, almost smelling him. Bearing more right he nearly lost the pack but we preservered sensing the route. And even more right! We knew he was trying to shake us but, we could not be lost. And thus, almost as soon as it had begun, it was done. A fine trail, a grand trail, a complete circuit of a sizeable… oak, I recall, right in the center of Amherst common.

And as we all know, no trail can be TOO short and as long as there’s beer, there’s a hash. Beer and Wings where had a plenty at The Hangar, where the back sliding At Your Cervix graced us with an appearance.

So in sum, there were hashers, there was a… suggestion of a trail, but most important of all! There was beer, precious beer. A hash was had.

Your Scribe, (late but…)
Canis Lickus
ON-ON!

HVH3 No.72

The pack assembled outside the Harp at the appointed and lubriciously annointed hour. The hares did a chalk talk to the assembled hashers and virgins. The RA (“Pro-Tem”) led the various wankers in a rousing version of Father Abraham and Joe (From the Button Factory).

The hare was off at approximately 1945HRs, this being a live hare because any marks would’ve been washed away by the lightning and downpours we experienced about a half hour before the hash.

The trailing pack gave chase after a ten minute cranium start.

The trail crossed the road in front of The Harp and bushwacked thru some farmers field. A barbed wire obstacle was breached by crawling under it and thru muck, which I think might’ve been cow poop runoff. “Virgin Tiffany” ripped open her shorts at the wire obstacle, but was ass-sured no one would be offended.

Trail then snaked thru some more fields before it crossed back over the ass-fault and ran easterly towards some woods behind a housing complex off Rt.63.

In the woods, we were forced to cross some raging rain swollen creek about four times. Chants off “Kill The Wabbit” permeated the glade, and virgins Tiffany & her friend “Virgin Cheryl” had to be calmed with assurance that indeed there would be refreshment ahead ( yeah, I said HEAD). Luckily crossing and recrossing the stream washed off most of the offal from obstacle No. one.

Trail eventually crossed over a big field behind Puffers Pond. Trail then entered Puffers Pond, which wasn’t so bad, and kind of refreshing. The trail followed along the edge of the pond and crossed over the road into the woods where the beer check was last time. Here trail followed upstream to the beer check which was just below a waterfall and swimming hole. Virgin Tiffany decided to go skinny dipping, especially since she had so little left to shed. We didn’t want her to feel alone so we all joined her.

It was exceptionally humid at this point, so we decided to finish trail by walking the rest of it. The pack ended back at the Harp as this was an A to A hash.

Circle accusations flew fast and furious, “Don’t give me any SHIT!” was a popular saying in lieu of obstacle No.1. “Not enough naked ass on trail” (Virgin Cheryl to Virgin Tiffany). “Mud?, What Mud?” was another accusation. Anyway the Hare was put in the middle and was made to do a down down of Youngs Chocolate Porter.

Virgins were Man Handled by yours truly. Virgin Cheryl’s favorite barnyard animal, was enthusiastically, “A Cock”, and if she ever found herself on a busload of Lesbians, she was, “Along for the whole ride”. Virgin Tiffany was made to do a pre-questioning down down, for having a “poofter” name. Virgin Tiffany was made to Cum by a “John”- We asked if that was a trade moniker or just his name? Hence CL had to join her for a down down. Virgin Tiffany’s favorite barnyard animal is a hare. Hmmmm? She guessed that the square root of 69 was “8 something?” Cheers erupted all around. They arose after a down down and were virgins no more.

The pack then entered the Harp and sucked down pitchers of Beamish Irish Stout. and munchies were ordered all around. We were then joined by latecummer, Dick.Com

Pack included: CL, COV, AC, Virgins Cheryl & Tiffany, Just Frank, Just Ken(4 hashs?), and late cummer

Respectfully Submitted,
Cadet Wedermeyer
Faber ‘ 62
HVH3 Scribe